Thursday, April 21, 2016

Should I Donate Without my Husband's Consent?

Years back, after my fiance (now my husband) introduced me to his family and relation, this couple that is related to my fiance(now my husband) told me they wanted me to be their egg donor for an IVF, test revealed the wife's egg was weak due to age, and they don't want to adopt. Again the person they have as egg donor was not accepted by their doctor due to age, and money for hospital donor was not available then, as price for IVF was already on a high side. I accepted, told them not to tell anyone including my fiance then.
This was because,
(1) I felt I was not yet married to him,
(2) He may not like the idea,
(3) If in future(after marriage) we start having challenges in conception, he may relate it to that.
After everything, to God be the glory, it was successful, putting smiles on the face of couple trying to conceive for about five years.
Now the woman told me some time last year, that they tried for another IVF, with a hospital donor but was not successful. I would love to help this couple again if need arise after my last child(before next year runs out)by the grace of God. My concern is that, it is not possible to embark on that again without my husband's knowledge, since the process demands commitment and sacrifice.
My questions are,
(1) Since it is impossible to embark on it again without my husband's knowledge, is there any possibility of him(my husband)tracing it back to the fact that I have something to do with the woman's first issue, since most people including my husband always say the child looked like me? Note: I don't want anybody to know including my husband, because I don't know what he might be forced to think of me for leaving him out of it.
(2) Should I remove my heart from helping again if she comes back for such? If yes, please how do I handle it, if possible convince her to adopt. Her child is about 6 years old. Thank you!

The easiest route out of your fears and concerns is for you to sit down with your husband and tell him the whole truth from what happened during your courtship period. No need to convince you that he will not be angry with your action because during courtship period, you owe your husband every little penny of information about yourself and your actions. You shouldn't have connived with his own family and even when you may have genuine reasons for such, you owed him every details of such a precarious procedures.
Your good intentions has only painted you in a dark light as someone who can agree with someone else to destroy her own home, though that wasn't your intention.
But if you don't want to go through the honest route, the other alternative option will be for you to cut off any other egg donor business with them, for respect and courtesy sake, the couple ought to inform your husband of their intention before they could approach you.
Telling your husband about this will definitely and naturally make him to probe into their child's striking resemblance with you and that is not what you maybe prepared to lie again to your husband.
Let the couple know that you cannot help them because you are now someone's wife and as such cannot donate anything without his express permission. Let them know how much you wish to help but cannot as a result of your husband's perceptions of the whole process.
If you are prepared to go through the noble path, there's every possibility that he may encourage you to donate an egg to them but that depends to a greater extent on his personality and his personal relationship with God and his relatives.
I feel that honesty will serve you best here because no matter how deep a secret is buried in the ground, rain will bring it to the surface.


  1. i`m not sure, but you can read my new post about brides, maybe you will find the answer you are looking for, enjoy!

  2. You can't be serious. you want to go the same path a second time with out your husband's consent? Probably, you want to be thrown out of the house. Moreover, those couple are not considerate and don't have your interest at heart. How could they be asking you of such again, now you're married? Run from them and never look back. If you can, tell your husband but if you can't let the sleeping dog lie,please

  3. Pls ma I have an issue, just mate a young girl just bare one week and the lady is pressurizing me to pay her bride price, and it is scaring me why she is that anxious about that what should I do.


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