Wednesday, April 27, 2016

What Went Wrong in my Marriage?

Good evening Mrs Avl how are you doing? Want to say a big thanks to you for saving some homes especially mine, may God continue to bless and keep you. Whenever I feel like talking to someone, the only person that comes to my mind is you. I have been following your advice and it helps me a lot.
Okay the problem is that after I found out that my husband is a constant cheat, I can't help it but feel bad, he keeps late night sometimes, he comes home around 4am and I have talked to him calmly about it, no change. I just chose to ignore his late nights, he always travel back to Nigeria once in a while, let's say every four or five months.
The last time he came back, I saw a WhatsApp chat he had with his girlfriend thanking him for the awesome experience she had with him, her nude pictures, even telling him how good he was in bed and that she can't wait for him to come back again. When I confronted him he became furious asking me what I was looking for in his phone (this happened about five months back). I have stopped checking his phone since then as this incident nearly broke my home, but I know fully well that he's still chatting with the girl till now.
Okay he's planning on travelling to Nigeria next week and I can't help it but keep remembering that incident knowing that once he leaves now, some girl somewhere is already waiting to welcome him. I really don't know what to do as this is getting to me. I hardly focus these days, I can't seem to get this off my mind.
Should I tell him how I'm feeling, If yes how do I say it because he's the type that always flares up when you talk to him calmly. Is it normal for me to be feeling this way? I have never ceased from pouring out my heart to God in prayers but once I look at myself in the mirror I keep asking myself what went wrong is it that I'm no longer good enough for him? He really isn't bothered whether I'm happy or not. Please ma help me because I feel soo drained.

I feel your pains and I understand perfectly how humiliating and devastating his attitude may disorganise your heart. I have been advocating for prayers and patience but this two important and priceless virtues doesn't replace accountability amongst couples. This is because whatever he does with his body will have a direct and indirect effect or impact on your personality and in your marriage.
So let's get some facts straight here, that a partner decides to pray for a cheating partner doesn't mean that you should not ask questions, seek for clarifications and enquire about his attitude towards when you have reasons to be worried and afraid of some of his attitude.
Don't hide under 'I'm praying for him " and allow fear of his reactions to possess your heart and reduce you to miserable lady. God never approved of infidelity in marriage and Jesus Christ who is our role model never advocated for such in a matrimonial home.
When you feel troubled, please open up and talk with him, if it means pleading with him so that both of you can at least work on your marriage, please do. If he feels that your body isn't as sweet as it was when he first married you, then he should let you know, but to humiliate you by sleeping with other ladies and at the same time shout you down and make you look like a trash is emotionally abusive and not in your best interest.
You may not suspect anyone or sound as though you are judging him without evidence but ask him if there's anything that he's not enjoying in your life and company, ask him to help you mirror your home and help you make sense of some of your weaknesses and shortcomings which he feels that may have affected his attitude towards you and his marriage.
Let's continue to pray and hope that someday God will rescue him and win this battle for you. But whenever you have any concern or evidence of his infidelity, please don't pretend about it but ask him to help you make sense of your evidence.
Marriage cannot succeed when some have the right to cheat while others have only one option to pray and endure the emotional pains and torture of trying to make your marriage work.
You must learn to love yourself and appreciate yourself irrespective of the attitude of your husband towards you. Your happiness and fulfilment shouldn't be dependent on your husband's attitude to you or but on your self worth, your vision, your passion, your children and on your ability in life. You are too beautiful to let any individual make you feel inferior (God forbid). You shouldn't allow yourself to be consumed by pains of your husband's infidelity, meditate on God's and learn to confess how you wish your life to be.
If you are idle, dust yourself off and go out and start up something no matter how little. If your husband doesn't appreciate you, please appreciate yourself, if your husband doesn't value you, please value yourself and if your husband chooses to cheat on his vows, choose to add value to life by thinking of anything you can do that will give you joy and at the same time give you some dollars.
When your strength cannot carry you and you find yourself sliding through depression, kindly take a break and return back home. Your life is priceless and you shouldn't allow anyone push you towards believing that you have no value in life.
I know that it's not easy but be strengthened by God's word and allow him fight your battle for you while you simply watch and see where all these will lead him to.


  1. Very painful. If you talk calmly n he flares up pls flare up too.he knows wat he is doing,trying to scare you from exposing his weaknesses. If you continue like this you will die ooo.sorry dear n I pray God touches his heart

  2. I'm sorry to tell you a true but more men nowadays are cheaters and I noticed that you love your husband I advise you to keep to praise the Lord only Him is able to help you out from this pain also stop share your focus matters around you some ladies face the same even bitter than your but they shut to talk.Please stop looking in his phone to find something about his cheater. A men is in trouble if you catch him and you don't talk but if you ask him you are going to fight. Have a nice day my dear and Good luck don't forget even some pastors are cheaters and lies even Muslims leaders.


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