Saturday, May 14, 2016

How Long will this Last?

Thank you so much dear Amara for the work you have been doing. God will bless and reward you. Am having a very big problem in my marriage. I have been married for eleven years with two kids for my husband. I can't tell you that I have had a single straight good day in the marriage, it's either my in-laws are fighting me or my husband is accusing me.
Now for two and half years, I have not had sex with my husband because he claimed that he has lost erection due to his diabetes. He drinks to stupor on a regular basis and smokes almost a pack of cigarette daily. I had begged him to go and seek medical attention but he refused.
I used trick to bring him to see my doctor when I pretended I was ill, but all the medications the doctor gave him he never took any of them. I pleaded with him to take the drugs so that he will be better but no way.
My problem now is that am sexually active and am a Christian even though many men ask me out both at work and at home but I decline their offers because of my faith in God. But how long can this last? I am 36 years old, since I got married I had never been unfaithful to my husband. Now what he specializes in doing is accusing me of sleeping around just because he can't have sex due to his health.
What do I do?

The most painful thing about your mail is not that your husband is having health challenges but that he's making his life a living disaster by his lifestyle of smoking and drinking.
Smoking and drinking is a twin disaster to achieving erection in men and with diabetes and alcohol, he's only preparing for the inevitable.
There's actually a way around the diabetes that will enable him achieve erection and have sex with you and there are some diabetes drugs that are safe and at the same time will help him achieve erection for penetrative sex, but will he be willing to give up his lifestyle and help you at this critical point in your marriage?
I'm afraid of the experiment he's doing with his life and I can only pray and hope that it won't be too late when he might have realised himself.
On your part, I know that it's simply a difficult and unpalatable moments in your marriage and nobody else will envy your circumstances in your marriage. I know that naturally you will be enticed to sleep with someone else but I can only plead and pray for grace to hold on at this point in your marriage.
If you can't cope with your urge, instead of going outside, it will be fair to suggest that you get a sex toy and make do with that.
But if you feel that you cannot consider the toys, and you cannot manage your urge or manage the unpalatable circumstances that you have found yourself in, instead of cheating on your husband, please take the honourable decision and file for divorce.
The most painful part of your marriage is not that your husband is sick but that he's not willing to work with you and your family doctor to intervene and help him to at least have a none penetrative sexual intimacy with you, but he has decided to reduce his life span by smoking and drinking.
I pray that God will give you the wisdom and maturity to manage this very sensitive part of your marriage and life.

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