Wednesday, May 11, 2016

I'm Confused, What should I Do?

There is this guy I was dating since my university years, we dated for five years, both parents were aware of the relationship (mine and his)although it has been a distant relationship. (he told me his intention of marrying me). Whenever he comes to see me, he spends at least 2-3 days before going back to his base and whenever he comes around he always demands for sex and I already told him my stand that I won't have sex until am married but still he brings it up. when he brings up the issue, I still say No. He gets angry then I beg him and we resolve it. It was like that for the five years we dated and I kept begging him to hold on until we are married(since he loves me,he should wait).
Along the line, I graduated from school and was posted for NYSC at his base, so that made us see often. Whenever we met, again he will still bring up the sex matter, that if I love him I will agree on having sex with him, that I should prove my love to him, he was even saying that both parents are aware of the relationship and that which man will date a lady for five years without sex but still I didn't agree. So he now told me that he won't continue the relationship if I won't agree to sleep with him, I still made my stand known to him so he got angry with me as usual but this time around, he just stopped calling, after a while, he now sent me a text that he is very serious about the sex issue o, that he wants to have sex with me which I didn't even reply the message.
Since then he didn't call and I didn't call him either so I felt that was the end of the relationship because I see no reason why I will keep begging him and making him see reasons with me why we shouldn't have sex. Because if he really loves me he won't be bringing up the issue always. At a point ,he was now seeing it as if he was doing me a favour, so I forgot him and moved on. Not too long I met another person who proposed to me, we started courting and we had our introduction.
Now my ex is doing all he can to come back, begging me that he is sorry, that he knows am a decent girl and he is ready to abide by whatever I want and he promised not to bring up the sex issue again since I don't want it and all.. Am so confused right now because the wedding date has been fixed already, please what should I do?


Madam, I understood all you said and I feel that you were a bit inconsiderate and insensitive to this man who you dated for five years. 
Yes you wanted him to wait until both of you get married, why were you so much in a haste to dump him and move on with your life or weren't you in love with him at all? 
Since you knew that he was genuine, why didn't you at least encourage him to go for introduction or prepare for marriage or something of that sort? 
Every human who is in love with the opposite sex must as a matter of humanity have a sexual attraction for the partner but it then takes wisdom, understanding and maturity to manage the emotions until when both of you are ready, most likely when you are married to him. 
Leading him on and accepting the ring of another man few months after you deliberately decided not to make your relationship work does not portray you as a lady who really appreciates the patience, the pains and the sacrifices that this man made to be with you. 
Everyone may crucify him for always talking about sex whenever he meets with you, but in all sincerity he was only responding to your beauty which every man is guilty of. 
Well since you have accepted the proposal of another man, kindly let him know your decision and stick to it. 
There's no long sermon in an evening service so just let him know that you have made your choice and encourage him to move on with his life.

17 comments:

  1. Biko can I have the contact of the "5years patient man”?😀. Amy you have said it all. Babe, you were too fast in forgetting a relationship of 5years. What effort did you put,to at least cajole him in waiting a lil longer? Fiam!you are engaged and now confused. what exactly are you confused about? The deed has been done go marry your new boo and be happy.

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  3. I so much admire your response to this complainant. Kudos, Amara.

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  4. I so much admire your response to this complainant. Kudos, Amara.

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  5. Aunty Amara have said it all , I wonder where the confusion is coming from now

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  7. I hope u may nt end up frustrated! Wot goes around comes around!in less dan a year, u hv found ur hubby n only to abandon ur boy friend for five yrs!

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  8. Cheers.I also wish that the author does not delete people's comment as they are their views. Not everyone must agree with your opinion, dearest writer. But nice response tho. She should be patient with him since he wasnt even violent, just d sex talk

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  9. My dear I have seen such. The guy waited and wen they got married. He said she wasn't given him d best of d supposed and the next thing he was looking outside.if he waited for five years. What was holding him frm doing d necessary marriage rites. Is not a do or die affair. If u and d new guy love and understand each other. Pls marry him.

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  10. Are you sleeping with the new guy cos he has done introduction? Would your new guy have waited five years to sleep with you? I'm not saying the new guy is bad or the old guy is good but I just hope you didn't make a hasty decision that you might regret. All the best though.

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  11. For a man to be patient with sex for five years, i think that man is worth getting married to . he is nothing but a good and perfect man for your life, which means he can take things from you. he is just too good to be abandon. i think you don't love him as he does, that's u went ahead to marry another man.

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  12. One thing I want. To understand is those he has the capacity to marry U...bkus if a guy stays five years without sex and can't marry u..two things are involve, neither. He wants to marry U but don't have the money to do so or he just want that sex by all means b4 he jettison for anoda. Whenever I hear people saying marriage my dear marriage is not easy in Nigeria..well I wish u d best sha..u don't av to be confused abt it..except u still av feelings for Him..No sex thing is good oo..but Marriage aint easy neither.. Especially with this current situation we are in Nigeria now..I just wish a new approach to marriage should be considered bkus this is making our Men and Women more single by the day..#mayGodhelpUs

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  13. I beg to disagree with your response ma. Firstly, I think the girl in question went through emotional blackmail most of the period that first relationship lasted.From reading her story,they've had numerous quarrels concerning the issue of sex; which ends up in her pleading with him to be patient with her, then they end up reconciling over and again(a roller coaster ride- I must add). I'm quite certain that the guy perceived that since de girl is done with school and all, the pressure to marry her asap would be more and maybe "im no wan pay for soup wen im neva taste". Not knowing the girl would call his bluff. Sex is important, but companionship is way more important. Considering this was a long distance relationship, I bet the no one can attest to his fidelity either. What if they get married and he doesn't end up liking the 'taste of the soup'. He might feel his patience was just a waste of time. That one fit make de man start to misbehave anyhow o and even maltreat her. And de wife fit no understand wetin dey vex her husband. Na so marital issues they spring up o. Come to think of it. Five years is quite a long time. He should have gotten married to her if he really wanted to(even if na low key wedding)

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    1. @Sandra, take high five! Is five years five months? I still regret my 7 years relationship till tomorrow. My salute to this woman who stood her ground for 5 solid years. Going back to her ex is something she will regret. Be happy on your new relationship and soon to be husband. May God keep away from me those men who stand by the door blocking others, yet refusing to come in.

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    2. @Sandra that is just the basic truth, though I know amara is looking at it from the duration the relationship has lasted and the guy was still there, but the truth is that the young man main focus for the five years was just the sex and anything could have happen if she had gave in, is possible he would have quit the relationship long ago, so I believe the girl in question did the right thing, and as for her present question, there is nothing she should be confused about, she should move on with the present man who has done her introduction

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  14. Am sorry aunty Amara I don't agree with you on this one. @sandra and Jane thank you for noticing the fact that this man was blackmailing her emotionally. Most men do this to women to get in between their legs. I love the facet that the writer stood her ground because this no sex issue was a prerequisite before they started the r/ship so why shld she keep begging him over and over again. Pls dear writer you did the right thing by God and yourself. Do not even think of going back to your ex and if this new man is the one you have peace about pls marry him and may God bless your Union.

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  15. I applaud and commend you for standing firm in your decision not to have sex before marriage despite intense pressure for 5 years. It's not easy abut you showed character, integrity and fear of God (I'm supposing)
    See, it's not how long but how well. You met someone who was serious enough to see who he likes and make serious plans and arrangements quick enough... Abeg, who go blame am?

    The choice is yours in the end but don't let time spent and emotions lead you, Let God lead you with wisdom here

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