Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Should I Change my Son's Surname?

I got pregnant when I was 16 years old though already in my 100 level in the university. My parents didn't get to know of the pregnancy until when am already in my seventh month. The reason was not far fetched, I was already in the university and I didn't come home until when the university was on strike. When my mum saw me, he was scared and shocked, she thought it was an ailment until we got to the hospital and the doctor confirmed that I was seven months gone with a scan that it was a male child.
After we came back from the hospital, my mother cried all through the night asking me where she has gone wrong. My father was disappointed though he didn't say a word to me but I could read his reaction. After the pregnancy discovery, my parents asked me who was responsible, I lied to them that I was raped in a bush even though I knew all along that it was a lie. Despite this, my parents didn't maltreat me but was taking very good care of me, though my mum kept saying she knew the child had a father. After three months, I put to bed a bouncing baby boy and my dear mum told me she won't allow me to breast feed the baby that I have to go back to school but on a condition that I reveal the identity of my son's father. Without mincing words I told them who got me pregnant and we all went to his parent's house who called him and told him the purpose of our visit. He denied the paternity of my son and went as far as telling my parents that I have five boyfriends and funny enough it was this guy that disvirgined me and he's seven years older than me.
My parents left their house and I went back to school. Three years after my son's birth, my son's paternal grandfather came to beg my parents that despite the fact that he knew his son was responsible for my pregnancy, he can't accept the baby without his son's consent. Only God knew why they came back after three years and as far as having another naming ceremony for my son with their Revd fr in attendance. My parents has been the one responsible for my son's up keep and school fees but when he was in primary three, the paternal grandfather told my parents he wanted to be responsible for his school fees which my parents agreed to, the school fees was paid from primary three and primary four because my son entered secondary from primary four and also from JSS 1 to JSS 3 after my son's JSS 3, my mum changed his school to one of the police secondary school in the country and went to inform them of the changes but prior to that time they have been pestering my mum to bring my son to spend holidays with them but my mum always tell them that he can not release him except I go with him which doesn't go down well with them. Their reason is because we are not from the same tribe, they are Delta Ibo while we are Yoruba.
When my son resumed SS 1, the paternal grandfather stopw paying his fees but luckily for me I got a job and with the assistance of my parents, I was able to see my son out of secondary school even though he left at SS 2 because he wrote JAMB ,WAEC ,GCE in SS 2 and came out in flying colours. My son was given admission in three different universities among which are private universities. Despite the fact that my son's father or the grandfather didn't take the responsibility for his senior secondary school fees, my parents still went to inform them that my son sat for WAEC, GCE, JAMB and post U.M.E and also offered admission to study Law in one of the renowned private university, though my son's paternal grandfather was happy at first but later told my parents that my son is too young all because my son got admission at 13 years of age. I have been responsible for my son's school fees which is over a million naira of which my son still answer their name.
Will it be right for me to change my son's surname to my own father's name after graduation because presently my son is in 300 level going to 400level by September. Please I need your advice.

Since by default his father has not claimed the responsibility for your son, your son should bear your father's name and be part of your family.
Traditionally, your son is part of your family because his father hasn't paid your dowry nor acknowledged the paternity of your son.
Until that is done, your father is his figure father and your family is his family.


  1. Well said aunty Amara.

  2. Aunty Amy u said it ryt,y should he bear dia surname wen he has accepted d paternity

  3. Ur son can bear ur surname because u are not officially married to him u are still on boyfriend and girlfriend level. If they come tonmorrow asking for ur son take them too court.

  4. I love this no much talk , just straight words .great Advice

  5. No , don't change anything just watch until the end because one day your son will ask about his father we never know what tomorrow bring us

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