Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Am I Losing Him Already?

Good evening Aunty Amara, I'm engaged to a guy who I'm convinced is God's will for me. We served together in same state, stayed in same lodge, we were just good friends, until he proposed and I said yes to him the day before I left for home.
It's been more than a month we've been together and the long distance makes things quite difficult. I have insecurities, not that he'll cheat, but that he'll stop loving me, and the way he acts these days cements that belief.
I can believe his excuses that he's not buoyant enough to call often, cos he's still searching for a job, and that his phone has battery problems when he doesn't pick up my calls, but I can't excuse his coldness.
My love language is words, and I've been starving of his love, I don't want to have to tell him, cos then I'll feel like he's just saying things cos it's what I want to hear. I don't want to doubt him, I know he loves me, but he hurts me by not showing it to me. I'm also worried that his not having a job is affecting him too. I don't want to be another battle he has to fight, I don't know how to build my relationship.
Please help me.

One of the greatest pressures men face is that of having a means of livelihood especially in an environment where there are limited jobs offers and in an environment where policies doesn't encourage start ups. Some who ventured into entrepreneurship are struggling to break even because of the harsh environments and factors of production.
Like you already know, he may be struggling to build up a future that you will be proud of, a future that will be comfortable or convenient for both of you. I want you to first understand that he didn't say that he loves you but he made a specific commitment to you because of his love for you.
What he needs now is counsel on how he can succeed, what he can do, ideas that he can explore and offers that he could apply to for him to earn some money for other investments in the future.
This is his own way of proving that he's not only romantic but also responsible as an individual. Please this phase may not be so lovely and breath-taking like when both of you were in the same environment but you support him during this phase of his journey so that you won't feel lonely and bored with the relationship.
To help you at this point in time, work on ways to improve on your communication skills with him, since he cannot call as often as he did in the past, you can consider online call like the social media calls which makes use of data and not airtime if his phone is data enabled. Both of you can consider using the social media to communicate through chatting, it will also enhance your perception of the relationship and help you keep in touch with him.
On your own part, you can also start up something so that you can encourage him and support him by reaching out to him, visiting occasionally and meeting your basic needs while both of you work on making your marriage a reality.
You have to also remember that your relationship is no longer a trial and error relationship because it has already been defined by his proposal, so both of you need to work together, support each other, learn to be real and express yourself to him when you feel weak, discouraged and troubled.
By definition, you're now in courtship with him but because of your financial capacity, your relationship cannot be consummated to marriage soonest which is why you need to be a little patient with him so that you don't make him feel as though you don't understand all he's doing to be a man who you'll be proud of.
Be the kind of a lady who anoints him when he's lost, who motivates him when he's weak, who supports him when he's alone, who advice him when he's confused and who reminds him of his vision and purpose for his life and destiny.
Just as your love language is words, please find out what his love language is and use his love language to win his affection to your own love language. If he hasn't given reasons to doubt his love for you, please don't allow your heart to manufacture negative thoughts and feelings that he's already cheating on you. Believe him for who he is, and always pray that God will make him a man who will always seek him and walk in obedience to his word, because if he's faithful to God and devoted to him, he will definitely be faithful to you and be devoted to building the relationship with love, patience and selfless sacrifice.

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