I am writing you because I have problem with my relationship.
My name is J***, I have been in a distance relationship for five years now, but always faced with the challenges of convincing my partner that the relationship is not a sin. She believes dating is not biblical because of our spiritual foundations, she can't talk to me on the phone whenever she is with her friend, her excuse is "what will they say or how will they look at me if they know I am in a relationship?"
After spending hours convincing her the relationship will be back, this can happen twice in a month. I could have ended the relationship then but the love I have for her was too much cos I love her dearly, that was how we spent the five years.
One day I got tired, I had enough and I told her the relationship was over. She did not bother because she was living with some sister then in school.
After she graduated she now wanted me back, meanwhile the relationship suffered a serious blow the day I told her it was over, whenever I make a tough decision like that after enduring lots of challenges or heart break, it's almost difficult for me to reverse it..
Now she want us to get married, that's all she talks about now, but do I love her to marry her? The answer is NO because I don't love her like before but I don't want to lose her.
Please help me.... I hope to hear from you soonest... I am writing you with a very sad spirit because I now treat her wrongly even though I don't want to treat her like that.
The love has reduced so much that I don't like picking her calls sometime. Sometimes I feel somehow when I see her calls, please help me because I love her, but not like before and am struggling to always talk to her
To be candid with you, the beginning of your mail got me so much annoyed and angry at what an adult was doing with your emotions. I felt your pains though I didn't know how you managed to cope with such a naive and brainwashed individual. The height of it was when she ignored your calls because of her roommates or friends.
Oh dear, I know that some ladies do not understand their attitude to men but some attitudes are so humiliating and undeserving to an individual who genuinely love her and desire to marry her.
Well I can explain her actions to you so that you can understand what was going on in her life then. She was a naive young girl who was perhaps told that any contact with male folks was a sin before God.
Painfully her fellowship then added that dating was not biblical (I won't delve into this unnecessary argument) and that she shouldn't be in a relationship with a man until she's a graduate. They may have suggested that there's no need for dating, that all she should look out for was a man with a ring(I definitely need to address these kind of individuals).
So that was why she pushed you away, frustrated your efforts, crushed your emotions and made you feel bad about the whole thing. And I congratulate you for your patience because I know that you must have experienced the not so nice aspect of loving a lady.
The truth about this relationship (don't even know if it's righteous to call it a relationship) is that you are so much in love with her but you are yet to forgive her of all that she did in the past.
I want to believe that there were some virtues and attributes of her personality that attracted you to her which made you stick with her even when she acted like you never existed in her life.
I know that you are almost exhausted but if you can genuinely forgive her and confess openly that you have forgiven her, and consciously decide to let go of her attitude towards you in the past, the well of love will definitely be full and you will realise that she's truly who you desired.
The good part of this is that she's naive and as such is experiencing love and affection from you and you alone. If she's willing to grow in love with you, if she's teachable, if she's willing to make adjustments and give you some time to understand her personality and love her as you desired in the beginning, you will definitely come back to testify because she will definitely make you feel loved, appreciated and proud as a man(now I sound like she's my sister)
So take your time and meditate on all that has happened in this relationship, the five years of investing in her life and expressing your desire to be with her, and her recent awakening to get married to you and you alone. Do you think that she's still the kind of lady that you yearned for in the beginning? Can you not forgive her for her ignorance and insensitivity?
If after meditation you feel that she's not good enough for you, kindly let her know and move on with your life, but if you are convinced that though her attitude may have betrayed her virtues, you still believe in her personality and will wish to grow in love with her, then you may encourage her to write to me with her account so that I can share some thoughts with her.
On your part, you will need to forgive her and let go irrespective of whatever becomes your decision. That is the only way for you to regain your peace of mind and then forge ahead with your vision.
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