Friday, June 17, 2016

How Do I Manage a Manipulative Husband?

Evening ma'am, I feel like I married a wrong man.
I am 25 years old and my hubby is 30. We where in courtship for eight years and we wedded last year September.
He is the only guy I have dated.
During our courtship, I noticed some bizarre behaviour in him, he was short tempered, manipulative, controlling, and jealous. I never had a male phone number in my phone, even now am not comfortable giving my number even to my male relatives.
I feared him each time he got upset because he acted very violent. Each time I decided to leave him, he would beg and say he loved me so much, that's why he acted that way and I ended up getting back with him over and over again despite his provocative behaviour.
When we began our wedding preparations, the fights magnified such that I knew I was making a huge mistake by marrying him.
Ever since we got married last year September, I am a slave to him, each time I complain about something, he gets angry and turns it to be my fault and would not talk to me all day, so I end up begging for his forgiveness.
I am pregnant and most times I am stressed out and cry. He doesn't care about my emotions and how his behavour affects me. I feel caged and so unhappy that I have made a huge mistake that I can't turn back.
Now that am scared of complaining or confronting him over certain things that hurts me, it's consuming me inside out. It's like everything I do is wrong, if I call him he says I spy him so I have stopped calling him and he doesn't seem to bother, and he also has stopped calling me when he's at work.
When it comes to sex, it's me that's always asking for it, we would go for weeks without it if I don't make the move. When I complained about it, he said its because am pregnant, I told him pregnant women usually wants to make out, still he nags when it comes to making love.
Aunty am confused, can't really figure out what's happening cause I can't stay in a marriage like this with no communication and I can't be begging for everything from him and say sorry for things I haven't done wrong just to please him. I need to be happy too.
And the other problem is each time I call elders, he turns everything to be my fault in a very manipulative way such that I end up taking the fault.
Please help, how can I handle such a husband or what can I do?


This is why you have trained counsellors whose passion for the truth and mutual coexistence of couple won't permit them to compromise on the truth nor will they defend anyone of what is evil and unhealthy in your marriage, unlike the elders whose worth is in what they can gain from an individual. 
To start with, you are married to a man who is emotionally abusive and psychologically manipulative. An individual who doesn't see anything good in you nor see you as part of his life. 
His insecurity made him to cage you and frustrate every effort you put in to make your marriage work. He feels like the boss that has no flaws and can never make mistakes, so if you are not obeying his laws and following his steps, then he will always look for ways to punish you and make sure that you are unhappy with him. 
Painfully, you spotted all these emotionally destructive attitudes and attributes of his personality, but you felt that your love for him was stronger than God's love for his weaknesses, and decided to punish yourself for no reason.
To help you, you and your husband need to book a counselling session with a trained and mature counsellor who will never compromise on the truth and someone who will help your husband understand his duties as the husband of the house. 
He also needs to work on his insecurities and low self esteem and stop manipulating and monitoring your life. Because people with low self esteem and insecurity can push you into depression and loneliness.
He needs to know that sex is healthy for you and your baby as long as your pregnancy is a low risk pregnancy and you don't have any cervical challenges.
If he will be willing enough to write to me, I will gladly teach him some things that he needs to do and also have a word or two with him that I believe will enhance your communication with him.
You are not in a healthy relationship and you need to open up and talk to him about this and also seek other avenues to help him understand that you need to be happy in your marriage so that you can fulfil your duties without feeling frustrated and abused in your marriage.
In a case where he's unyielding and unwilling to listen to you or follow up on your suggestions, please separate from him and return back home so that you can have your baby in the right frame of mind, and then discuss the future of your marriage with him.
You must realise that the state of your mind and your emotions directly affects your baby's health and your health, so you must be very careful to avoid having some challenges that can be avoided.

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