Wednesday, July 13, 2016

I Don't Think I Have Forgiven my Husband.

I became a single mom at 18 and since then life has taught me to be strong. I couldn't continue with my son's father because he wasn't ready to shoulder his responsibility. I met this young and wonderful guy, took a while before we started dating; we were compatible and he was so nice to me and my son. He never cheated on me, and always respected my opinions. We couldn't go further because his family was very diabolical, polygamous, had too many property issues and didn't support his relationship with me. So we painfully separated.
After a while again, I met another guy. The kind of man I wanted; never judged me for having a son, a very spiritual person, prays more than me. We started dating and he said no sex. That was a wow for me!! He made me meet his family after two months of our relationship and I fell in love with them. A prayerful mother, warm sisters, wonderful brothers etc. They welcomed me didn't judge me too about my son. We dated for two years then by the third year we got married. But before then we started indulging in sex.
He proposed a night to my birthday, went for introduction the next month and started getting ready for the traditional wedding.
Both of us travelled to his village which is about one hour from the town we stay for Christmas and new year. After the cross over night in church, I was tired and slept for long only to be awoken by his little niece. I got to sitting room as I was about to sit down I noticed his phone and removed it to sit down only for WhatsApp messages to be rushing in. It read " you only come to me when you want to make love, I'm tired and can't wait to have you again".
My head turned. I gave him the phone to see; he started blabbing. I asked for an explanation but he was denying. I got the number and called the girl. At first she was insulting me, then I gave her a threat of her life. She opened up, told me how they met, when it started and that they have been having sex together. I found out that the date was about the time he proposed to me.
He would sleep with her and come home to face me. ( we started living together about the introduction time).
I have never been cheated upon, even my son's father let alone my ex so I didn't know how to handle it. My wedding was in two months and I was faced with the hardest thing. He wasn't opening up. I smashed his phone, picked my things and told him to drop me off. My mother in law was wondering why I was going so soon cos we planned to cook together that morning. I couldn't bear it but left but she noticed something was wrong with me and kept asking questions I just told her I got a call to report home. I knew she wasn't convinced.
I cried throughout the trip. He finally told me it was a mistake. I told him to call off every preparations. He kept begging. I couldn't imagine that he will be the one to call the girl that he feels like making love to her and they'll arrange to meet at different hotels. I don't know if I handled things well but I scattered so many things, tore some invitation cards ( he hid the rest). I couldn't bear it but report to his mum.
Mother-in-law cried and begged me not to go and after so many talks I just told her that I have heard and left. I think I forgave him partially and we continued the preparations. Everything went well. But once in a while it plays in my head, I imagine the scene, and I just hate him. Most times I feel like hurting him real bad till now that I type. I just hope it doesn't get out of hand. It still hurts me like I just found out.
Please advice me.

I know that it has been a difficult journey for you. Carrying your first pregnancy at the age of 18, taking the responsibility of your son with pride, humility and handwork,  and striving to become a better lady and mother must have been a tough experience and I must admit that you are indeed a strong woman, a lady of virtue and an industrious lady. I want to appreciate you for being you and for standing up to your responsibilities even when you were not fully prepared for the challenges of life.
Thank God who has sustained you and supported you through out your wilderness experience because without him, your story would have been different.
There is no pain that is more miserable and devastating as the betrayal from a loved one, someone who you have devoted your time, life and body to, and have trusted with your heart and emotions.
To say that it's painful is to put it mildly because it's only those who have experienced such pain that can describe the feeling. I know that you were not expecting that from him and you wanted to revenge for hurting you which was why you smashed his phone, tore the invitation cards and threatened to cancel the wedding.
Truly you were pained but life has taught me that we are all imperfect beings in the hands of a perfect God. We may look so nice, handsome, beautiful, Godly, and perfect in our dress but our life is far from being perfect.
This is one reason why fighting your husband, punishing him for hurting you, hurting him in return will never give you the peace of mind and the healing that your heart needs now.
If you reflect on how much God has sacrificed to win your heart, if you recount the millions of mercies that God has showered on you even when you never deserved it, if you are honest enough to remember those things you did in the past which could have exposed you to death, terminal diseases and infections, that God graciously took away from your life, you will realise that forgiving your husband wholly is the best revenge for his action.
Forgiving him wholly will set you free from the bondage and the pains that you have been exposed to ever since you knew about this. Forgiving him will help you heal from the emotional torture and loneliness that you are experiencing in your marriage. Forgiving him will help you realise how imperfect your husband is and how you can help him become a better man.
If marriage was for those who are perfect and have no weaknesses, sincerely speaking I doubt whether God would have thought of merging two individuals into one when they can stand alone.
This is the time to look at your husband, and treat him not according to his actions to you but according to God's grace and mercy for your life. This is the time to look at your husband and open up to him about how you feel and how you have struggled with forgiving him. This is the time to surrender all to God and ask him to give you the grace to forgive your husband and give you the heart of love to love your husband again.
If your husband has repented of his wrong doing and has genuinely apologised for cheating on you and have made amends to retrace his steps from his past, please do not harden your heart towards him.
The only way for you to enjoy your marriage with your husband is by deciding to forgive, to let go, to give him another chance, and to accept his imperfect personality as part of your journey in life.
While I pray and hope that you will reconsider and choose to forgive him, I will also suggest that if you are convinced that you cannot forgive him or let go of what he did in the past, and you have meditated and realised that you can't cope with him, please do not revenge because it maybe disastrous or destructive and at the end of the day may crush your own life.
If you can't live with him and accept him, please I will suggest that you give him some space so that you can reflect on your journey and decide whether you want the marriage or not.
Where you are convinced that both of you can't work together anymore, kindly consider leaving him and avoid the pothole that the devil is digging to destroy your future and your sacrifices.

1 comment:

  1. Well,I have been down that road and it would take some time for you to totally forgive him but its not impossible.You would never forget it but you would know you have forgiven him weneva u think about it and it doesn't hurt as it does now. One thing I can assure you is that a man who is wise n has the fear of God would try not to repeat such and that is when you come in and pray that God instill His fear in him.Don't worry,if I could get over mine ,then you can cos its for your peace of mind.goodluck


Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)