Monday, July 4, 2016

Marriage Scares the Hell out of Me.

Good day Aunty Amara....May God continue to bless you for your good work... Am 23 and currently in a relationship with someone that can do anything to make sure am happy.. We have been dating for more than two years now... He is all I want in a man but the problem now is that there is someone else I have been friends with long long before I met my boyfriend.. Though he isn't in the country but whenever he is around he always comes home to see me.. My mum and siblings know him and they like him too... We have been friends for more than five years and though we talk and chat for hours but he hasn't talked about being in a relationship with me until early last year when he came back and started talking about marriage..
Ma with what I have been reading online and on your page.. Marriage is something that scares the hell out of me.... I asked him to give me some time to decide if he is really what I want and he agreed... He came back again during Christmas and took me to his place for the first time and I met his family members... He still requested for my answer to his proposal and I told him am still thinking about it and he should understand that marriage is not something you rush into..
To cut the story short aunty, he will be coming back again this year for Christmas and I still don't have an answer... He has been really nice and supportive and I like how mature he acts but the problem is am in love with my boyfriend and he loves me too.. I don't know want to do...
I know love is not the only thing that matters in marriage, but I know that no matter the level of provacation my boyfriend can never and has never laid his hand on me or even abused me verbally but I can't say so about this guy because have never seen him angry so I don't even know how he reacts when he is angry...
Ma please I need your advice...

Why are you making things complex and difficult for you when there's sincerely no problem in your relationship? Why give your friend hope when you are already in a relationship with someone else or does it have anything to do with where he stays?
Love is not enough I agree but happiness cannot be bought with money. You may leave love and go for money only to realise that with the comforts and cares of life you are unhappy and miserable.
Personally I don't think that there's any problem here because you're clearly in a relationship. That your friend asked you out doesn't mean that you should throw away your relationship simply because he doesn't live abroad or because he hasn't talked about marriage.
Stay focused and build a relationship with your best friend, your playmate, your companion and your partner. If he doesn't have all the money, join hands together with him and work for your comfort. If you wish to travel out and live, all you need is a ticket and not a man so please don't let the things that you don't have entice you to dump what you need most.


  1. You killed it AVL, is just an enticement of boarding the aircraft and flying in that is causing this rage inside of her. Sweetheart no hurt words towards you cos probably I may have find myself in a similar scenario if I were to be in your shoes, so please continue to built with your present spouse, it will only get better I can assure you and believe just like Amara said you only need a ticket to fly up there and not a man, so just continue with your relationship and don't wait till December before you reply the abroad guy, if you have his number which I believe you should, call and tell straight away that you appreciate his intension towards you but you are deeply in love with someone else. Please do that right away so your heart can experience some peace inorder for you to have the right frame of mind to continue loving your spouse, so you don't start hurting him by being cold to him and reacting angrily over little things that you weren't doing before.

  2. U have sum it up amy. There's two sides to a coin. Choose one and face what ever comes ur way. In all,love conquers .

  3. Anty Amara, you have given the best answer. I also believe she should focus on her relationship and forget about her friend, because he is just a distraction to her


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