Monday, July 11, 2016

My Trust in Him is Drastically Fading Away

I started dating my fiancé seven months ago, although I have known him for four years... Am 28 and he's 36, he has proposed and have been in my house with his family for formal introduction but I have a big challenge with him.
Ever since I started dating him, his big phone that he uses for WhatsApp, BBM and other chats is always on silent.... I had the password, so the day we had a problem about him bringing a lady to the house which he denied,and I later found out that he actually did bring her to the house, was the day I opened the phone and saw all manner of things with other women even a lady in his office...
He always told me he was different, that's why I fell in love with him, because I left my previous relationship due to insistent cheating... Ever since I saw those chats, my trust for him has drastically reduced, although I still want to make it work regardless, but he's not helping because he never want to be plain in this relationship, with his phone always on silent, and he even changed his password...
I spend almost every weekend, all holidays, birthdays and valentine with him but that phone remained silent and he was like that if he cheats that he wouldn't allow me spend all weekend and all his free days with him and that he will probably lie about some to be with the other women and that if they are important they will also insist on spending the weekend with him...Please ma how cogent is this reason???....
Secondly, he gave me the spare keys to his house, and another problem I have is that some of his married brothers have the key to his house where they bring in ladies. I have told him I don't like it at all, but he insists it's because he's single and all that will stop when we get married...
But because of the trust am losing on him, I feel and fear that he will also get an unmarried brother's key when we get married, although he's doesn't act like he's the flirty type, but I don't know what to believe in him again....
Thirdly, there is a pastor I have known for years also that's currently seeking my hand in marriage, so am confused... Please am confused because for sure the pastor is very spiritual which I love so much, though we never started any relationship.... But I love my fiancé because he's just a husband material(if not some of this issues I stated above)...
Fourthly, my family don't really like him because my fiancé is not Igbo, but this pastor that my family is not aware of is actually Igbo...

If these are the attributes of a husband material, there seriously won't be a need for me to be here preaching 
Well let's analyse the kind of material he is and allow you to decide whether he's the kind of material you are looking for because every lady have a material they desire for themselves just like the dress. 
A man who supports married friends to use his room as a brothel or what they call 'Mbochi' in Port Harcourt (meaning to have a one night romance with a prostitute) will definitely follow the footsteps of his friends after wedding. Is he the kind of material you want? 
A man who always keep his phone on silence and protects his phone much more than he protects you definitely have something more important in his phone than what he shares with you. Of course he's not conducting fellowship with his church members in his phone but maybe, just maybe there are other ladies who he needs to protect while he keeps promising you that you are the only girl he has touched her breast. Who knows if he's saying the truth? 
So he told you that because he stayed with you all through the holidays, he's saint faithful man, what were you thinking or expecting him to say? That he cheats on you? Haba! 
And for him to keep up with his games, there must be some lies and deception that will be so true and helpful that you will only be thinking and dreaming about getting married to him. Are you sure he's the right material? 
I won't dwell so much on the pastor suitor but one advise I must give you is never to date anyone because of their profession or their title or their label in life. Marriage is not a title but a journey and you don't need title much more than you need a man of good character and a man who has a personal relationship with God and understands his duties and responsibilities as your husband and the leader of the family.
When you have sorted out the kind of material that you crave for, you will definitely get the approval and the blessing of your parents. For now I will suggest that you don't sweep off the flaws that you are not comfortable with in your fiancé to avoid writing to me immediately after wedding for counselling.
You won't say that you don't know the kind of material you are looking for and the kind of material you are dealing with, it's left for you to decide whether your current material is the best for you or you deserve something better than that.


  1. "Marriage is not a title but a journey" this should resound in the head of every unmarried person. Very good Advice m'am.

  2. Stop having sex with him if you are doing that.


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