Thursday, July 28, 2016

What Can One Do with a Chronic Womaniser who Begs for Forgiveness all the Time?

Good morning Aunty Amara
Please ma what can one do with a cheating husband who begs for forgiveness all the times and will still go back to it after all promises that it will never happen again ?
For years I have put up with him, have prayed, fasted, talked, begged, yet nothing changed ma. My husband will even beg people to come and plead with me, he will weep, even hold my legs to say it won't happen again, but as soon as I say I forgive, he's out again getting down with another lady.
My husband is very quiet and looks so innocent that someone can even vouch for him that he is the best man on earth, so most times when I refuse to listen to his family or my family's pleads, they take me for a stubborn goat, they will shift all blames on me.
My people believes so much in the words TO ERR IS HUMAN AND TO FORGIVE IS DIVINE, but right now am tired, sometimes I will ask him use protection for me after he has cheated until he has gone for test. We have done this for years and because of this at 36 years am still with a child, because am scared of contacting disease.
Our people has been suggesting one hospital and another for us to check if we are having problems with conceiving again, I called the attention of our pastor to it three months back, that we don't have problem with conceiving but it because we were always on protection, he called and spoke with him, we went for counselling and at the end of the counselling session, the counsellors were fully convinced that my husband has changed, he went for tests we are finally ready for a child.
Aunty could you believe that my husband travelled to another state for just two days and stayed in an hotel with another lady he has been chatting with on Facebook who is based in that same state, he didn't pick my calls at all but because I don't want to think that he has started again I accepted his excuses, and as God will have his way the lady sent him text as soon as he arrived, that she enjoyed everything with him and doesn't mind been his second wife if he will have her.
Guess what ma, as soon as I showed my husband the message, he was begging again, I picked my bag and wanted to leave for few days, my son won't come with me, and my mother was also pleading again!! On his behalf.
Tears has failed me aunty and tired is understatement, please ma what should I do??

Please you really need some space and time to re-evaluate this marriage and ask yourself some important questions. 
Everybody may plead for you to forgive and accept him back, some may blame you, some may deduce anything else as the reason for his infidelity but you are the only one who in the middle of this mess. 
You are the one who knows what you're going through and how much of it you can endure, manage and cope with in your marriage. So don't worry about what others are saying, rather take your time and ask yourself if you can cope with him for the rest of your life. 
Like you rightly said, he's looks are very deceptive and you may mistake him for a Reverend father, or a very quiet, gentle and noble man. But his attitude only shows that he's an unrepentant cheat. 
All he does is act the drama of a remorseful person and immediately after schedule another escapade with another lady. 
I won't tell you to forgive him because he's the only person who knows exactly what he want in this marriage and why he feels that you're not enough for him. 
But I feel that the time is ripe for you to take some time and hopefully separate from him for some time so that you can meditate, and decide whether you have the mental and the emotional capacity manage a chronic womaniser. 
If you feel that you cannot cope with him, please do not allow anyone to manipulate your mind into believing that you you can't leave him. Don't let anyone preach those sermon of forgiveness when they have no idea how many times you've been crushed and broken emotionally because of him. 
But this time around, listen to your heart and go for what makes you feel at peace and happy with yourself. Infidelity is never part of the agreement you had with him, so if he can't keep to that, kindly decide on what's best for you and your son at this point in your life. 
I'm so sorry for all you have to put up with in your marriage and I pray and hope that God will give you the grace to manage this and give you the wisdom to go for what you deserve and not what others suggest for you.


  1. That man needs deliverance. he may have been cursed.jeeez!.....poster, you need your sanity. please do as Aunty Amara have said. Be praying for him from a distance.


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