Tuesday, August 30, 2016

How Do I Overcome Jealousy?

Hello Amara, good morning and God bless you. Please pardon me as my story is a little bit long..
Am happily married to the best man in the world, loving, patient, caring and so full of humor. We got married on the 7th of August traditionally.
He had a girl who he loved very much but the lady wasn't being fair to him in the past, and during those days he met me
but wasn't serious with me because he was still checking if she would come back to her senses and I wasn't serious with him either because I was just young and my head was hot then... Lol.
As time went on, he broke up with the lady, dated two others on a different basis but it didn't work out, so he decided to locate me wherever I was to get married to me because according to him I was a very good girl and never stressed him. He loves me so much, he is proud of me and shows it every now and then.
The problem I have is that anytime that his ex calls him once in a while and he picks her calls, I get so hurt, I know that he can't bang the call on her like that, at least he gives her a listening ear which he assures me on that too, though she hasn't called for long but I know for sure that I will get angry when next she calls him.
My husband was heading to work today and I wanted to get the movie he downloaded in his laptop, there I saw the photos of him and his ex in the past, and I got hurt again and was crying this time which I knew that whatever they had was in the past but I won't get over that. And my problem is that no man has ever showed me this kind of love that my husband is showing me now.
Please what could be wrong with me? Now my husband was angry that I am crying over those pictures they took in the past but he was kind of petting me and promised to buy me something on his way back. Please am I being too jealous and how do I overcome it? Thanks


You remember that earlier in your relationship with him you never cared about what he did with ladies because you weren't serious about relationship then, and you also had your fair advances from men. Then the lady in you was enjoying all the attention, glamour and buzz of constant calls, text messages, gifts and compliments from men. 
Well, what is happening now is that the woman in you is feeling pained that he actually had other ladies he tried out before he got to you, and even now that you're married to him, he seems to be surrounded by the memories of his past escapades, and whenever you imagine that, your heart skips. 
If this is the description of what you're experiencing, then you shouldn't be worried, it is only an indication that the lady in you is giving way for the woman in you to manifest. 
The free lovable girl now wish for some privacy, for some protection, for some paradise where there won't be any ex, or distractions except for the musing of two lovers who can't let go of each other. 
To help you, please plead with your husband to take off everything that will remind you of his past. It's actually not healthy for a married couple to beautify their home with histories of their past relationships. He can do that to help you enjoy your honeymoon with him pending when both of you are comfortable with sharing such information with each other. 
And like you already know, those are the memories of his journey, it doesn't mean that you are his second best, neither does it mean that someday he will return to them. For the fact that he chose you after searching through the forest and dessert is an evidence that truly both of you are destined for each other. 
Learn to look into his heart and let him know how much you love him. Take your time to appreciate him and be his first baby and companion. Get closer to his heart and soul and learn about the things that makes him unique from other men that approached you. 
Learn how to deepen your communication with him and get him to open up more and more to you. This way he will be strengthening your heart to love him and trust him without any iota of doubt or fear. 
The more of him that you know, the more you will ignore his ex and focus on your husband. The more of him that you know, the more confident you will be to say that though he had a past, I am the only one who made it to his present and future generation. The more of him that you know, the less jealous you will be about his previous relationships. 
But in the interim, please cheer up, don't cry anymore, you're too beautiful to feel inferior as a result of his past explorations and exploitations, they were all ladies but none of them is comparable to you, nor will there be anyone else who can make him as happy as both of you are. 
A little confession, I spent minutes admiring your traditional wedding pictures that I forgot that I was meant to give counsel and not admire both of you. 
Please do not worry about what you can't fight by your strength, every woman desires the whole of her husband and most times a woman's greatest fears is waking up to imagine that her husband is cheating on her. 
Instead of getting worried, please get busy praying for your marriage. Instead of feeling bad at his calls, please talk to God about your worries and hand him and your marriage into his hands. Because he's the only one who knows how best to guard the heart of man and give him the grace to be faithful to his wife and family. 
Soak everything about him in the word of God and use this romantic opportunity in your marriage to establish an altar where you and your family will always gather together to seek the face of God. 
When your heart is at peace with him and you have learnt to trust God that your husband will honour you and be faithful to you, you won't feel threatened or jealous or worried by any lady or feel betrayed by his past.
Congratulations and I pray that you shall enjoy your marriage with your husband and your beautiful children in view.

1 comment:

  1. This reply is so true and funny,u jealous cuz u love him so much u can't deny it, he has stolen all ur heart finish that u have noting left to shakara for him again,but not to worry u got him covered woith his love for u too.lol
    Love is funny, it the weakest feeling Allah gave mankind

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