Sunday, August 7, 2016

I Feel Like Breaking All Ties with Him.

Good day ma, am devastated now, no where to cry to, I don't even know how to put my story, wish I could say it all to
your face. I got engaged traditionally to my husband last year January, after dating for some months. Though my parents were not in support then, he went ahead, confronting my uncles,
aunts to talk to my parents, making unending promises to take care of me no matter what. After much investigations on his side, even meeting the man of God, my parents agreed. My man is 39 years and am 26 years... He lives in Indonesia and I live in Nigeria..
When I met him, he told me he had one child with a white woman but later they divorced. He is now living separately in his own apartment. Even before our engagement, he was very caring and loving, I was against the fact that am going to stay alone, while he will be there too alone, he made me to understand that he will settle down in Nigeria as soon as possible,since he will be getting married to me and because of his business too.
We spent two weeks together in Nigeria before he travelled back that last year March. A day won't go by without him checking on me with much love.... He came back this year March to prepare for our wedding, we did our wedding in April. After our wedding he began to show me his bad sides, he never wear his wedding ring, you can never see our wedding pictures on his phone, let alone on social media...
Aunty could you believe that after our wedding on Saturday, on Monday he slept with a prostitute in a hotel and took me to that same hotel? I only knew with the help of one woman working there, I confirmed it through his chatting with the lady...
I confronted him, he denied and said that am accusing him and later pleaded with me though he still denied that he did it. We spent three months together before he travelled back to his base.. When he noticed that am not pregnant, his attitude towards me changed, no call, again he is not bordered to know my well being. I was a virgin when he married me, with much thinking of enjoying my marriage with the right guy, I keep thinking whether he married me to be producing babies here in Nigeria for him...
Just last week, he video called me, everywhere was dark in the room that I could not see his face, I told him to put on the light, but he refused saying it's night already, not too long I heard a female voice talking inside the room, he just drop the phone without putting it off.
I heard them talking, the lady was smiling, I was just boiling in anger with tears all over my face, immediately he noticed that his phone was on, he switched it off. I called and called again but the phone was switched off. He later called back for some time and denied everything.
Aunty I don't want to tell my parents all these because I don't know how they will react, coupled with their health condition. If I let his people know of all these, they will not do anything because he is their brother.
I feel like breaking all ties with him right now, but on the second thought am imagining how my parent's name will be ridiculed in the village.
Aunty please I need your motherly advice

I understand your worries about how your parents will react, how his parents will also react, and how your friends and relatives may perceive you. Painfully, you are not even worried about your own state of mind as a lady who was deceived, dupped and manipulated by an individual who's sole purpose for getting married to you was to please his family and perhaps have some of his children given birth to by a Nigerian lady. 
You forgot that you may slide into depression and nobody will realise what crushed your heart and destroyed your life. You may end up doing something stupid to yourself because you feel that nobody understands your pains and as a result wish to please others and destroy your esteem. 
So let me ask you, how do you feel about this whole mess called marriage? Can you really cope with all the revelations that you have about this man? Sleeping with prostitutes, living with women in his residence, abandoning you in his Nigerian building for his Indonesian wives, and treating you as he deems fit. 
Are you sure that you have the mental capacity to deal with the pains, emotional torture and the bitterness that comes with loving a fake man? 
Forget about everyone else and everything else and focus on deciding on what's best for you at this point in your life. Your parents have dealt with their own challenges in their own way and they also know that life can throw up many surprises and uncertainties too, so don't worry about them and forget that your life and happiness is more important to them than your concerns about them. 
They had their own reasons for disagreeing with your decision, but I guess you were deeply in love forgetting to make your own investigations, and examine the relationship before getting married to him. 
If you feel that separating from him will help you recover, please consider it and go to a place where you can have a solemn moment with your soul. Forget about everything and anyone else, their opinions doesn't matter, use this opportunity to seek the face of God and listen to your heart. 
Whatever you feel is the best for you at this moment is what I will encourage you to do. The greatest tragedy that will happen to you is not that your marriage failed but that you lost yourself trying to please others.
Whatever be your decision, get his family and your family involved, so that they will be informed of what's going on in your your marriage.

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