Saturday, August 27, 2016

Is my Boyfriend Worth the Sacrifice?

Am 24 years, a graduate still waiting for my service, my boyfriend is 41 and I love him so much. When I finished school, my aunty who stays in Lagos invited me over so I can find myself something doing before my youth service. This was three months into my relationship, my boyfriend made his intentions known
to me that he didn't come for friendship, so he asked for more time so we can get to know each other before I go. The pressure from my aunty who had two kids was so much that I pleaded with my guy to let me go and see the opportunities my aunty made for me.
When I got to Lagos, she took me to some schools to apply which one retained me with no specific agreement. After two months and some weeks I travelled back for my sister's traditional wedding after which my aunty started calling for, me to return because I had a photoshoot.
Two days before going, my guy proposed and asked not to return to Lagos but I pleaded to go and come back. He was not happy because he wanted to start the martial rites. On my getting here, after my photoshoot, I told my aunty about the proposal but she frowned at it saying I need to establish myself first before marriage.
My guy is not helping matters, ever since I went back he has refused to communicate well with me, saying that I chose my aunty over him. My aunty is angry with me because I plan to leave my job as a teacher here and go back to east, and also I didn't inform her about my leaving. She said her husband said once I leave, I should never come back.
Am confused, I don't know who to follow, is my boyfriend who has communication issues worth the sacrifice.

Your mail is a bit annoying not because of the drama but because I feel that you are old enough to be responsible for your choices and decisions as a lady.
A lady who is 24 years old should at least be conscious of her decisions in life and not sound like everyone is permitted to run your life for you.
You said that you have a boyfriend and you love him so much, in your own words. You knew his intentions and was comfortable with his desire to marry you. This didn't happen to you by accident, but you accepted him and his intentions.
I want to 'believe' that your aunty had good intentions for you and your progress in life. If you were not necessarily interested in marriage or a serious relationship with your boyfriend, I feel that you should have been more honest with your boyfriend so that he wouldn't border waiting for you while you are looking for a job in Lagos.
Since you accepted your partner's proposal for marriage, I feel that the natural thing for you to do is agree with your fiancée, and even if you are not entirely ready for marriage, then you may need to let him know your plans and vision for the relationship.
You seem like a lady who is being controlled by your aunt and your fiancé, and the most unfortunate thing is that I have no idea what you really want or desire in your life.
So let me ask, what exactly do you want for yourself? What is your vision for your life and the relationship? Do you want to establish yourself as your aunty suggested or you want to get married as your fiancée suggested? Let's assume that you were all alone and there is nobody else around you to push you into any direction, what exactly will be your vision for yourself?
If you wish to get married, do you really know your fiancé? Have you really invested your time to understand his personality, vision, purpose, character, maturity and flaws as a person? Have you even taken your time to prepare yourself for marriage? Are you really emotionally mature for marriage and do you see your husband in your partner?
If you wish to establish yourself as your aunt suggested, I'm tempted ask, how do you hope to do that? What exactly are your plans towards that? When do you hope to achieve that? How do you hope to balance between establishing yourself and maybe getting married?
You shouldn't be confused because someone is not comfortable with your decision or because someone wishes to use every approach to compel you towards staying back, and perhaps help her take care of her children.
You need to be a lady and know yourself too so that you can decide what's best for you at this point in your journey.
You need to discover yourself and your purpose so that you don't end up inflicting unnecessary pains and stress to a man who wishes to spend the rest of his life with you.
When you know exactly what you want and your spirit is at peace with it, you won't need anyone's approval or opinions to decide the path you're comfortable with.
But when you allow others to run your life and make decisions for you, you may end up struggling to meet up with their own expectations and not your own fulfilment as a lady.
Your fiancé doesn't have communication issues, he only adopted no communication to communicate his displeasure at the fact that you don't necessarily know what you need, and the fact that your aunt seems to be the one running your life at the moment.
Leaving your aunt's apartment is not the greatest loss you will ever experience, and getting married to your fiancé is also not the greatest decision to make, rather losing yourself is the greatest tragedy that will befall you as a lady, and it comes with unpalatable consequences.

1 comment:

  1. Your aunty isn't wrong, ur fiance isn't wrong either. He has proposed, u aren't married yet. Ur life goes on till ure married. How soon is he starting the marriage rites, do u knw u can work n save some money for urself b4 D wedding? The choice is all urs


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