Tuesday, August 23, 2016

I've Been Sexually Deprived, and Feel Cheated.

Good day ma, I've been following your replies and how you tackle people's problems online. You are really God sent and may you never lack wisdom to share with us your loving fans. I need your advice ma and will appreciate your response.
Met my husband through a friend and two months on he told me about his intentions of getting married and I accepted because I love him but told him to hang on a little so we could know ourselves better. We dated for five months and within this period he knew all my family members and introduced me to his as well.

He also made it known to my parents officially when he came with few people to tell them about his intentions. At the time my parents were based in the west and told them that every other thing has to be completed in the east(where I come from). In the process I became pregnant and the traditional marriage plans began as we were both very excited.
We were so in love I could feel it. At some point he would thank me for keeping the pregnancy and not thinking otherwise. We got married though the bride price was not paid because of the pregnancy. It's the tradition where I come from. Aside the bride price, every other traditional rites were carried out on our traditional wedding.
It's fast forward five years now and he doesn't talk about it anymore. I found out he was cheating which he always denied and things became different. He moved out of our matrimonial room, keeps malice especially whenever I bring up his cheating issue.
Marriage became something else, at a point I thought of cheating too but was steadfast in prayers and my faith wouldn't allow me do that. We have two kids. Whenever I talk about our sex life, he gets angry even when I try to keep it calm. At a point I told him I was leaving the house and will let his parents and mine know everything (that he stopped sleeping with me when I was eight months pregnant for our first child and I had to literally seduce him to get pregnant for the second). He said I could tell the whole world he doesn't care.
That day, he travelled and didn't return even though he didn't tell me where he was going. The next day I moved to my parents. I told them everything that has been happening. I also told my mum-in-law because she has always been by my side. He was summoned and after much persuasion he came. We reside in the east while our parents are in the west so a date was fixed for the meeting. He didn't say much but that he wanted to take his wife and kids back.
Our parents were like your wife brought some issues she's been dealing with for years to our notice and we would like to know what you have to say. He said he's guilty as charged and wants just the two of us to settle back home. He was told to come back the second time so they'll be sure of his decision. He went back to the east and didn't return as planned. Reason being he had financial worries.
After two months he told me to come back with the kids on my own that my house is still vacant before it will be too late. My reply was there's nothing you'll do now that will be worse than what you've already done. I told him to come back the second time as planned since he waited for me to involve our parents he should condone whatever comes out of it. In my words, "it's your mistake and I've been dealing with it for years so you should correct it". "and am supposed to die emotionally cos of one mistake? " he replied.
On an occasion one of our kids was sick, the mum told him and he came. We talked and he said he's angry because I'm denying him the joy of fatherhood by staying at my parents. He never mentioned anything concerning our relationship as husband and wife. And when I asked why he keeps emphasis on the kids, he said until I come back to our home he won't discuss further.
After the medicals, I told him we would be traveling back together but first he has to contact my parents to tell them he's taking his family back home(my parents travelled out of the country). He did and we all travelled back home.
Now we are back and he just told me he has dysfunctional erection that he doesn't want us to quarrel anymore concerning our sex life that's why he picked courage to tell me. That he didn't know how to talk about that all these while. My worry now is I've been sexually deprived even when he was healthy. I feel cheated now that we have reconciled and I'm to enjoy every bit of it.
To make matters worse he drinks excessively and that increased his blood sugar. He's now diabetic and doesn't help himself at all. When I talk about his health, he says I should go and marry someone else that will make me happy since he will eventually die of the ailment. That I don't need to wait for him to die first before I do so.
Ma, I know he needs help psychologically and otherwise but don't know where to start from. This is same man that discouraged me from securing jobs when I had offers. I feel it would make him feel worse if I tell my parents and his about his health, but financially they are the ones who can assist. Am I doing the right thing hiding this from the rest of the family? A part of me wants to leave the marriage and another wants to help him come out of this especially for the kid's sake. Is it wise to sacrifice my happiness for the sake of my kids? My kids love their dad so much, I know so many questions I had to curtail while we were away from home. At some point my oldest child who was just four then would say" mummy I want to go our own house, and I'll be like okay don't worry I'll take you there to spend some time with your daddy while I come back to grandma's. And he will say no all of us will stay with daddy in our own house, you won't leave us there.
I'm 29 now, a graduate, and a full time house wife though he promised to set up something for me. Recently he changed his perception about working and is even encouraging me on the job hunt. Really need your advice ma, don't want to live on promises but reality. Thanks for your good work of lifting souls. Will appreciate your response here ma. May God reward you.

Erectile dysfunction is not a life sentence to a man's sexual functions, there's still a glimpse of hope if both of you decide to work on his challenge and help him overcome this problem.
Erectile dysfunction is the inability of a man to have an erection strong enough for penetrative sex, sometimes the erection maybe weak and other times it maybe impossible for him to achieve erection. 
What this means is that there is limited or no flow of blood to his penis which makes him unable to achieve erection strong enough for sex. 
With the diabetes, there's need for you to encourage him to seek medical attention, both of you should visit an urologist so that he will advise him on how best to manage his blood sugar, blood pressure and erection. 
There are some pills that may help him achieve erection strong enough for sex but the truth is that he may not be as hot as he used to. 
I had to start by helping you understand what he's dealing with so that you can decide how best to support him and assist him at this critical point in his life. 
Every marriage have its own peculiarities and for the fact that he's now having a sexual challenge doesn't mean that you shouldn't support him or assist him in your own little way. 
You know how both of you started, you can remember how much he sacrificed to be with you, and the bond of love between you and him. Now is the time for you to look at him like you did in the beginning and ask yourself what you can do to support him now that things are not working as both of you wished for.
Even if you decide to leave him for another man, there is no guarantee that life won't dish it's unpalatable meal to test your convictions and commitment to your marriage. 
I will suggest that you don't leave him but that both of you will work together and look for ways to help him overcome erectile dysfunction, and enjoy sex as you used to. 
After that is done, please encourage him to pay your bride prize since you are not pregnant at the moment. 
This may not be the best times in your marriage but if you are willing to give your heart to your marriage and realise that he's also fighting a battle to redeem his sexual prowess, things will get better. Reporting him to all your family won't won't solve any problem in your marriage, rather I will suggest that you work with your husband and agree with him on how both of you wish to tackle this challenge before considering where to get financial assistance.
You can start up something on your own for the sake of your children who needs all the help they can get to fulfill their purpose in life. 
With God, your support and the medical profession, he can still overcome erectile dysfunction and meet up with his responsibilities in your marriage.


  1. Woman remember ur bride price hasn't been paid

  2. Dear Poster I pray an end will come soonest to this challenge you face. Just know running away isn't a permanent solution even though it might bring temporary relief, you don't know what a future marriage would bring. Just try to be as supportive as u can be. Most importantly encourage him to seek medical help and be with him all through. Try draw him closer to God because genuine fellowship with God will correct all the vices men are known for. When you do this you can then leave the rest to God. Most marriages you see have thier own challenges, how they handle is what determines their success or failure. Yours will be success story eventually in Jesus name, amen.


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