Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Does My Husband Run Women's Ministry?

Good morning Aunty Amara, please I need your advice. I have been married for three years to the man I love and my best friend. We love each other and he has been doing his duty as a husband and a father as we presently have a daughter. I support with the little I have cos I work from home.
I joined him seven months after we got married and found out he had some female friends he was always in contact with almost on a daily basis.
There was this particular one that her pictures were on his phone, I asked him about her, and he said she is a friend's sister that his friend wants him to help as she is having issues in another country.
I later found out from a chat, after he gave me his old phone as mine went bad, that this lady sent him a picture with her breast showing and to my greatest surprise my husband demanded that he wants to see her nipple... I confronted him with the message and he said he was only teasing her, I told him I don't want them talking again and he said okay but never stopped.
I had to block her on my husband's WhatsApp and he found out cos the lady called him, he was mad at me and I apologised later, can you imagine that he unblocked her. Some time this year this same lady called him on IMO, as she now have a baby with her breast almost open, and my husband was showing me to see her and her baby blablala but I ignored him cos I was vexed in my spirit....
We have talked about his constant keeping in touch with female friends, even some of his Ex and the pain I feel, he promised to do something but never does. He is always giving excuse of 'I took her number to invite her to church or to help her', that on one occasion I even asked him if he has women ministry?
He used my email to open his Facebook account and on one occasion got a message few months ago where he was demanding from her married ex her number as he has been trying to reach her. I told him I didn't expect him to still be contacting her, he said since he has seen that am not happy about it, he will do something. Aunty Amy, he still left the lady's number, I have to delete it from his phone and block her on Facebook. How many I go fit talk abi(or) narrate?
The recent one that is making me write you is, there is this lady who was always calling him at odd hours, I asked him who she was, he said she is just a friend he got her number and have not met her since then. The lady still continued calling at late hours as my husband comes back late, sometimes cos of his job. I told him I don't want this lady disturbing my sleep as she was now calling almost every night, that hope this lady knows he is married he said no that he doesn't intend discussing his private life with her.
The lady got to know the day she called in the day and my daughter was crying and I heard her asking my husband is that your daughter and my husband said yes, I was able to hear her cos I was sitting on the bed with my husband. She later stopped calling for a while.
Last week I was watching TV with my husband in the sitting room when he received a message, the phone was close to me, I picked it and I opened the message and passed it to him, he read it and ignored it. I later found out he deleted it and replied her when I was not there. Before now my husband was behaving somehow.
On Sunday I decided to check his phone and I saw where he was asking the lady if she was coming shopping or how  will they see cos he is closing early cos he works in a supermarket. I had a meeting in church same day that I was going to come back late and cos of that he said there is no need coming back early that he will do overtime since I won't be home. I guess the lady was not available  so when he closed from his supposed overtime he went to his male friend's place. He told me when I got home that he went to see  him, sorry he didn't tell me earlier.
My heart was heavy cos she's the lady that called him sometime ago in my presence and he jokingly said you see who you say make I no call again, she no wan let me rest. I forwarded the message to my phone and sent it to him on Monday when I left the house as I never acted like anything was wrong. He replied me she is only a friend that is trying to help a friend if that is okay ma.
On Tuesday I told him we needed to talk and he said he doesn't want to talk about the message, I told him maybe he wants me to involve someone else. He said if I was threatening him that he is the man of this house and will run his home the way he likes.
Please advice me on what to do as he will be reading this too cos he is a follower of this page. Thanks

Since your husband is reading this also, let me take the rare privilege to talk to him and allow God to help him understand, and hopefully apply them in his life and marriage.

Nobody will drag your authority and leadership with you, I don't encourage any lady or support any wife to ride on her husband and do as she likes. That is not how God designed marriage and anyone who goes contrary to God's design for marriage will definitely destroy her marriage.
As a leader and the head of your home, God expects you to lead by example and to be a role model to your wife. If you won't be comfortable with your wife keeping chains of man friends, then why will you keep chains of girlfriends to the detriment of your partner?
The very moment you agreed to accept your wife as part of your life in marriage, you gave up your right to do anything that you feel like, and as a result of that vow you are accountable to your wife on all that happens in your life and in your body. Whether you used condom or you kissed her alone, your wife ought to know about it.
God is gracious enough that he gave you a beautiful, fair, busty and gorgeous woman as your wife. If you could demand to see the nipples of another lady and be comfortable with seeing the breast of another lady, then it's obvious that you're not contented in your wife.
Maybe I should help you understand this, any strange lady that you relates with puts a threat to your marriage, and your wife is threatened by such loose friendships.
The very moment you are not comfortable your wife reading your messages, chats or receiving your calls, it is obvious that there is something that is inappropriate and unholy in such conversations.
If your wife is not satisfying your sexual needs as a man, going outside your home for a solution is only inviting the devil to destroy your marriage.
You just need to repent and retrace your ways to your marriage. If you invested your heart to marry her, why then do you waste so much of your life, emotions and resources looking for your ex girlfriends and communicating with them?
What business projects do you have with strange women that is more important than your marriage?
You cannot be lying on the same bed with your wife and be making night calls or be chatting with strange women while her nipples is itching for your touch and her vagina is yearning for your penis.
Even if you are not in the mood, at least holding hands with her and petting her will make her night lovely.
Sir, with all due respect, please don't just promise to do something about it, but do something about it now. Delete all these contacts of women who admire your generosity and return back to your wife. Learn to live a transparent and honest life and there is no way your wife will be suspecting you.
If you save the money that you invest in cheating on your wife, you will pay some of the bills that you have in your home and use the rest to invest for your children.
There is no gain in cheating on your wife and I hope that you will make amends.
Your wife is broken and devastated, and I want to believe that you truly love her which is why you chose her amongst all other women.
If you can talk to me, I will be delighted to hear from you. 
Thank you in advance.

I know that you are doing your possible best to strengthen your marriage and keep your home from strange women. I must admit that the battle against infidelity has no formula or specific rules and it can be humiliating especially when it seems as though your efforts are futile.
But please don't in your bid to make your marriage work end up domineering or disrespecting your husband.
Try your best to control your emotions and respect him even as you address some issues in your marriage.
It is wrong for you to pick up your husband's phone and block his friends on his social media. Your intentions may be good but your approach may provoke him to anger.
You can read his messages and you're free to ask him some questions if you're worried but avoid disrespecting him while you try to point out what is wrong in his attitude.
Address anything that you are not comfortable with but don't disrespect his personality.
Learn to pray for him, pray with him and allow God to fight this battle for you and give you victory.
It is a difficult experience but I am hopeful that God will give you the wisdom and the grace to overcome and enjoy your marriage.

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