Sunday, September 4, 2016

How Do I Maintain a Balance between My Mum and my Wife?

Good day madam.
Sorry my story will be a bit long, I have a serious problem that I don’t really know how to solve. I am the seventh child and fifth son of my parents. Daddy died when I was just four years old. I am so much attached to my mom to the extent that my siblings use her to get at me. Honestly I love my mom to a fault and can do anything within my powers to make her happy.

The problem now is that my brothers and sisters are using her to take advantage of me. From the time I became a man of my own till date, I have made sure that both mom and the entire family is at least comfortable. My brothers keep falling back to me even when most of them have more than me.
The issue now is that things are not as it used to be and the whole family is calling me miser including my mum. Mum loves me a lot but I was shocked last weekend when she told me that she no longer trusts me.
One of my brothers heard a rumor that I am building a house at our state capital. He asked me about it while we were chatting with mum and I told him that it was a mere rumor, he insisted that I am lying to them. My mum then told me that these days she does not trust me because I don’t even care like before.
My major problem now is that am seriously working towards settling down to the woman I talked about last time, but the issue now is if I get married, the family may not be getting the assistance they used to get from me. Nature will always play it’s role. My mom is at peace with my wife to be for now but the future I cannot guarantee. What exactly do I need to do in order to strike this balance without hurting the woman that suffered for me(my mom) and the woman that will have the better and worse part of my life.

The first thing you must do is stop living to please anyone, but do what you are comfortable with, and what your conscience is at peace with. Trying to impress anyone at the expense of your own limitations or struggles won't help you in anyway. 
If you providing everything because you want to be seen as 'father Christmas' who always shares even when you don't have, then the very moment you don't share, everyone will attack you or embarrass you. 
Learn from this and learn to manage your resources so that you can have some savings for your wife and children. 
You need to learn how to save for the rainy day and share some with your family depending on what is available and what is convenient for you. Please stop impressing anyone because you're mummy's son, but focus on expanding your capacity and investing for your future. 
If you have a vision to build a house for yourself, it is not a crime or a taboo, also limit the kind of information you share with your siblings or your mother, and learn to talk when it's needful and not at all times. 
Marriage is a divine covenant and one of the most significant changes in your life is the leaving of your mother, and the cleaving to your wife. What that means is that your wife becomes your primary accountability partner, counsellor, your companion, your best friend and your cheer leader. You have to create an atmosphere that will not breed jealousy between your wife and your mother. You also need to limit your communication with your mother so that you can invest in your marriage, and avoid exposing your marital challenges to your family. 
It won't be easy to maintain a balance between your mother and your wife but you will always reach out to your mother and support her in your own little way, but never to the detriment of your marriage or your wife. 
Wisdom is profitable to direct and like I said earlier, avoid trying to impress anyone in your family because it is as good as living a fake life.
Once that is tackled, you won't struggle when you are married but you will give according to what you can afford and not because you want to be seen as the most loving son/brother in the family.

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