Sunday, September 18, 2016

My Mum Disowned My Husband.

Good evening aunty Amara, I thank God for what he is using you to do in families at this troubled times. I need your urgent advice on an issue that is troubling the peace in my home, am sorry this is going to be a long post but it's just so you can understand everything going on.
It all started when we got married four years ago, I realised that my mother-in-law is the controlling type and wants to have a say in everything that happens in my home.
My husband discusses everything with her first, and any decision that they take will be final while he comes back and sell the idea to me as if he is seeking my opinion.
When I had my first child, my mother came for the omugwo(supporting a nursing mother), my husband started misbehaving around her. He will complain about every little thing, and when there is issue between us, he will be shouting on top of his voice not minding my mum that was around. He doesn't discuss or chat with my mum about anything. When she is in the sitting room, he will go to the room, all he does is to say good morning or goodnight and go his way. If anything is wrong with the baby, he won't ask my mum he will start calling his mum on what should be done, no respect nor regards for my mother.
At some point my mum was no longer comfortable and she started asking if I really discussed her coming with my husband before inviting her, that it seems he doesn't want her around, that it is better she goes so she will not cause problems between us. I had to beg her and tried to convince her that there is nothing like that. I tried talking to him about it but all I got was more shouting and complaints. My mum now went to ask him what the problem was, what he told her was after the omuguo that she should go back home with me ( a statement my mother never forgave him for till today).
So after the omuguo I had to seek tranfer from my office in order to be close to my mum who will help me take care of the baby as he says he doesn't want me taking her to the daycare cos of my job. My mum took care of the baby until she started school when she turned one year and six months.
My husband never for one day appreciated any of that, but when his sibling came he will bring out money for proper entertainment, something he never did for a month plus that my mum was with us, even a bottle of malt to say thank you. The real problem now is that am pregnant again and almost due but something happened recently that my mum has vowed never to set her foot in my house again, he accused my mum of causing problems in his home. These are normal family issues that comes up once in a while that you can settle and move on with your life, but he loves to keep malice for weeks on end and at the time he was keeping this malice not minding that I am pregnant. It really gave me a lot of stress and I was crying a lot.
Since we are now staying close to my mum, she checks in on me often when she is going for fellowship in my street to cheer me up so I won't develop HBP since the church is in the same street where we stay. Sometimes when she knocks at the door my husband will shout so rudely that who is disturbing somebody here, but she took all that and never complained, she told me maybe it's her destiny to do good for people while they end up paying her back with evil, but after accusing her that she causes problems in our home.
My father had to call him to find out how exactly my mum was causing problems for him, he came and said the same thing to him that my mum is coming to the house too much and when she comes and see that he is not happy she will not ask him what I did to him, (he has never for once gone to her to complian anything to her oo and see if she will support me or not), that she will be discussing other things and laughing with me so he concluded that my mum must be the one telling me how to behave in the house since am not the type that keeps friends.
The behaviour that he is talking about is that I don't care for him or ask him if he is okay, and in all sincerity I stopped asking him cos at some point I found out that showing care and love was all coming from me while all my needs and worries where relegated to the background, so I stopped cos at the time I needed love and care from him but it was not forth coming.
He made everything all about him, but immediately I stopped caring for him, he started raising hell (note I was still doing all my wifely chores like cooking and washing and cleaning and taking care of the house just that I stopped caring emotionally), so my mum gave him a piece of her mind (I have been holding them back from talking to him cos I know he will misunderstand them). She didn't hide any of her feelings anymore, she told him she has disowned him, that he should go with the money he thinks he has (he didn't have anything when I married him, we were just managing with my alawee as a corp member then, but within a space of one year God blessed us with three cars and so many other things and we are living in our own house now, I knew how much I cried and prayed and God answered), and that she won't come to our house again.
Am almost due now and I have begged my husband to go and apologize to them so she can come for the omugwo but he said he won't. The issue now is that I don't think my mum will be alive and close to me, and I will allow his mum to come and do my omugwo. I really need your advice, and to read comments from your fans so I will know how else to handle the situation. Thanks and God bless.

It is a difficult challenge especially when you marry a poor man who God blesses with riches, and he feels that nobody else has value in his kingdom. It's painful knowing how he started his journey and the manner in which he is abusing your mother whose crime was supporting her daughter in her marriage. 
Some may feel that her visiting was too much but she wouldn't have taken it upon herself to check up on you if your husband was considerate of your emotions and your pregnancy. 
Because of your pregnancy and the anticipation of your baby any time soon, please visit your mum, get some gifts for her and plead that she forgives and reconsider her decision. 
If she decides never to visit you anymore, her decision will also affect her own precious daughter. Let her remember that you will forever be her daughter, your child will also be her grandchild, and even though your husband is inconsiderate, disrespectful and ungrateful, she can ignore him for your own sake. 
You don't need so much drama from his mother, nor should you give room for anything to happen to your baby, but plead with your mother and prepare for her coming. 
Whatever your mum needs, please get them ready and appreciate her in your own little way. 
Talking to your husband may not yield any positive result but when you plead with your mother and father, I'm certain that they will reconsider and support you. 
I don't want to talk about the drama of your husband, but I can only encourage you to make sure that you get a job and save for the rainy day because you have little or no idea what his mother may push him to do tomorrow.
I wish you a safe delivery and a beautiful nursing time with your bundle of joy.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)