Friday, September 2, 2016

She Hates Condom.

Good day ma. I believe you and your family are doing great. Kudos on the good work you've been doing. Please ma, I humbly seek your advice concerning a developing situation in my home.
My wife is presently nursing our three months plus baby, and we have commenced having sexual intimacy. However, I've realised that a lot has changed.
She has a very low libido now. All her love and attention appears to have been transfered to our child, and I'm literarily begging for attention. God knows I've been doing all I can both for her and the baby to ensure that none lacks both necessities and my time.
Sex is only initiated by me, and I don't enjoy it as I ought to because the joy of sex also comes from knowing that one is sexually desired. There is no pain involved as she has confirmed she feels alright. When I try foreplay and try licking( not suck) her breasts which I have learnt is part of her sensitive regions, I am often gently prevented from doing so with the excuse that the breast is full.
My main concern now is that she recently told me she hates condom, that she does not enjoy sex at all with it, and implored that I penetrate her without it. I refused to remove condom because I do not want to risk impregnating her just 15 weeks after giving birth. For that reason, she opted to rather use hand job on me than have protected sex that she does not enjoy.
Please, what would you advise us to do. I want her to enjoy sex, and perhaps that could bring her libido back. These are trying times for me, because the more this continues, the higher one may get exposed to the temptation of having sex outside. I do not want that at all. Please, help us.
N/b. I want readers to note that I am married to the best woman anybody can dream of. She has been supportive and hardworking. This is just the area we have challenges, and I believe, just like other marriages, every challenge can be resolved with the right advice. That is why I seek advice.

I am personally proud of you because you are all that any lady can dream of, loving, patient, supportive, considerate, selfless and most importantly teachable. You have patiently sought for ways to build your marriage and take good care of your wife, and I believe that God will give you the grace and wisdom to manage your home.
Nursing a new born baby and at the same time meeting up with the needs of the husband and the family can be demanding and exhausting most times, especially as a nursing mum. I appreciate the fact that you support her and assist her in your own little way, but sometimes she will have to stay awake all through the night to breastfeed your baby and take care of him before going back to sleep, that is if your baby agrees to sleep. And as you already know, stress can inhibit sexual desire in men and in women, so you will need to be patient with her, and allow her to readjust gradually so that both of you can enjoy sexual intimacy as you did before now.
Her breast being full shouldn't stop you from licking or sucking her breast if you so desire, though women experiences discomfort and slight heaviness of the breast when it's full, and that can be challenging for some romantic activities. Please let her know that it's not bad for you to enjoy her breast milk, as long as you're providing enough food so that mummy can feed both daddy and baby.
Though condom is a good contraceptive option, some women are not comfortable with condom because it feels like chewing a rubber material which brings discomfort to them.
During sexual intercourse, there is a rush of blood to the vagina which makes the vulva to be engorged with blood and also make the walls sensitive for thrusting. Also, the kegel muscles contracts to enable the vagina have a grip of the penis, and allow friction to create a great stimulation and sensation to the sensitive nerves of the lady.
When she's unable to grip the penis and she cannot feel the penis inside her vagina, the work done is zero, and I feel that this might be her reason for preferring sex without condom.
You may consider getting a condom with high sensitivity if she's comfortable with that or both of you can work on other contraceptive options that is healthy and suitable for you.
If you and your wife understands her cycle and is very very certain about her menstrual cycle, you can utilise the information and have sexual intercourse with her on her safe days while you abstain from sex during her unsafe days. This is called the billing method. Please if she doesn't know how to calculate her safe and unsafe periods, do not practice that to avoid any disappointment.
Both of you can talk to your family doctor or gynaecologist to recommend the options that is good for her and safe for her baby, so that you can enjoy sex with your wife.
Have it at the back of your mind that some contraceptives have side effects which may have an effect on her sexual performance.
If she's comfortable with none penetrative sexual intimacy, it will also help in boosting her confidence in sex and help her regain her sexual libido. So good romance, foreplay, and erotic massage can go a long way wake up her passion for sex and also make her desire sex just as you do.
Though I understand that you may have sexual pressures and tension but please do not consider in your mind to fall into temptation as a result of this temporary challenge, but to work out ways to manage this and be faithful to your wife to avoid being a tool in the hands of the devil.
I'm pretty certain that this phase of your marriage will soon be over and both of you can enjoy sex with passion and ecstasy in no distant future.


  1. Oga you can also use withdrawal method to prevent pregnancy. Good luck

  2. I also what to add, maybe it's self confidence,you know the body change after given birth,maybe she. Doesn't feel comfortable with her body again,tummy,saggy breast and the rest,so u need to continually appreciate her body (women like sweet talk)buy her Sexy wears, etc also try as much as possible to help more with the baby, nursing can be challenging, but u can also tell her to write Amara for advice and she might not know she's doing this


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