Saturday, September 3, 2016

Should She Suspend the Wedding or Accept His Request?

Good afternoon sister Amara, someone introduced me to your page. Am first timer, please yours advice is 100% important.
My friend is about to lose her sanity, she dated her husband to be for good six years now, her dowry has be paid and traditional marriage went fine all in this year.
After few months of her traditional marriage, the guy called her
that there is some issues bordering him that he want to let her know. He broke the bombshell by tell her that he has a twins outside, a boy/girl of about 10 years of age. He is considering bringing them back. The baby mama is now married, while my friend's white marriage will be coming up soon.
When my friend asked him why telling her now that the traditional marriage has be done, his reply was that he was confused and don't know how to let her know. Now she doesn't know wether to suspend her wedding that will be coming some few months from now and move on with her life, or accept her husband to be request.
Sister Amara, please she needs urgent advice. Thanks.

Every wedding plans should be suspended for now so that she can take her time to examine the realities of her choice and options in this. 
Any marriage built on deception, no matter the excuses or reasons cannot stand the test of time. 
Hiding such a vital information from her until her bride prize was paid is wickedness and selfish on the part of the man and who can tell exactly what other things that he is still hiding from her. Such an act will create suspicion and distrust in the relationship, and the presence of these children will definitely affect the dynamics of the marriage. 
She shouldn't be in a hurry to wed him without examining every little details that this man has presented to her. Her family needs to be informed, and she needs to weigh her options before deciding whether to go on with the marriage or return the dowry. 
Does she have the emotional capacity to accommodate his children? Will she be able to take care of these children as her own? Did he marry her to take care of his children or he married her to be a companion to him? Does the husband still have the intention to have children with her? What plans does the husband have for her? 
If she dated this man for six years now and his children are almost ten years of age now, it then means that he already had these children four years before they started dating. If he was able to keep this information from her for the whole of the six years he was with her, well I'm afraid to say that he may have more secrets than she can possibly imagine.
Let her remember that she has all the freedom and the right to decide to either terminate the relationship or continue with him. If she's convinced that she can't continue with him, let her dissolve the marriage and move on with her life. 
It is best for her to move on with her life if she can't cope with the realities of this man and his children, than for her to continue with him and end up with regrets for the rest of her life.
But if she decides to continue with him, then she has no option but to accept his request and respect his decision. Also she will need to forgive him from the depth of her heart and give these children the very best that she can give to her own children without maltreating them or abusing them.
It's a tough decision for her considering the years she has invested but she has to be as objective and honest as possible to avoid getting married and feeling empty in her marriage.

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