Am 35 and my wife is 31 years of age. We met while I was in Europe and she lives in one of the western countries. We dated for over two years though a distance one. But our communications was superb because we talk without ceasing- morning, afternoon and night. We talked at least for hours on working days and more on our off days or weekends both voice and video calls and she visited me once.
We got married last December and we are working towards living together hopefully before this December. Don't get it twisted, she's that babe in whom l am well pleased and I love her. However, I must be honest with you in something that is tearing us apart. Honestly am losing my trust in her because she lies to me a lot. So many times I have called her attention to what all these lies could cause in our marriage. She will say "sorry I will try to change"
I tells her everything about me. Yet she's very secretive to me and it makes me feel she doesn't see me as her family. Though I became aware of this after our wedding. It's very annoying when she lies over things that doesn't matter. Then what happens in things that matters? I introduced her in this your platform, and times without number I have asked her to write you.
Firstly, she said she knows her problems and does not need anyone to tell her. When I kept on disturbing her to write you, she accepted but never did. The last time I said something about she writing you, she said I should write you with her Facebook ID.
Now she lied to me again and this time I decided to speak to her dad about it because she's close to her dad and her mum. I told her dad to speak to his daughter on effects of lies in marriage because she lies to me a lot. Her dad wanted to know the lies, but I refused to tell him so that he won't feel disappointed.
Her dad spoke to her and she convinced her dad that she didn't lie to me. At this point, I told her that am going to call her cousin whom she told the same lie she told me. Please note it that my intention here is to tell her cousin to talk to her on the effects of lies in marriage because she sees it as a normal thing. I wants to speak to her cousin for two reasons. First because I have been told of how her cousin have settled so many families that broke up in time past. And secondly because she respects that her cousin very well because of the role she(her cousin) played in her life.
Now she's saying things like "You want to destroy me before my cousin, is it because I trusted you to tell you that the same thing I told you was what I told my cousin and now you want to use it against me, I won't forgive you if you do that" etc. I can understand her fears but it's really annoying that she has not admitted she lied to me yet she doesn't want her cousin to know that what she told us(me and her cousin) isn't the truth.
I know you would want to ask how do you know when she's lying to me? She will be the one to tell me something now. When next she's telling me about that same thing, she will tell me another version of the story. When I reminds her of what she told me the first time, these are the things I will hear her say:
1. She will deny what she said earlier. Because this happens too often I had to install recording app on my phone to go back on. Or
2. She will accept it and say sorry for lying to me. At this point she will tell me another version which she will say this is the truth therefore making it three versions on one story. Or
3. She will say, yeah that's what I said but that's not what I meant to say.
How do I live and trust a wife that lies a lot? How do I trust my life with a wife that I can't trust her words? Can any marriage survive without trust? Can someone trust in the midst of lies? I have thought of living her ways of life, but that would be me going against my upbringing, faith, teachings etc about marriage. Or is it true that lying is practically normal in marriage? Or is my faith and teachings of being open to your wife a wrong teaching?
Please Amara I need your help here before I do something really stupid. Please I will appreciate it if it's possible to notify me when you responds to this mail. Stay blessed.
Sorry I forgot this. She has cheated on me before. Then I have done her iku aka (knocking on the door) and ime ego(bride price), that was before our wedding. When I asked her about it with my concrete evidence, it took her days to admit it. When she admitted it, she cried and asked me for forgiveness. I expressed my disappointment but I forgave her with all my heart. And ever since then I don't believe she's into cheating again. But each time she lies to me mostly on little things, it makes me to ask so many questions. I forwarded my first mail to you for her to read it but I didn't forward this last mail to her so that she won't say things like if you have forgiven me of that why bringing up now.
A lady who builds her home with lies invites the devil to feast in her marriage. A lady who is not faithful destroys the divine glory and virtues that God added to her life.
A lady who takes a good man for granted prays for trouble into her life because someday she will wake up and not recognise her husband anymore.
I believe that your wife needs serious counselling and prayers because she has no idea what she's doing. She has no idea how these little lies will destroy a beautiful marriage.
Please let her know that I plead that she writes to me here, I need to understand why she's swimming in the pool of lies and deception. I want to understand why she's fake and always afraid to be herself. I want to know if she's really part of your vision in your marriage or she's just there to answer Mrs while she destroys everything that makes marriage what it is.
Taking this for granted means that you're signing your death warrant because someday she may do what you least expected.
No matter the beauty of a lady, lies is a vice that renders her unfit for a divine project as marriage and it must be addressed with every sense of purpose and seriousness.
Let's hope that she will be humble enough to reach out to me
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