Friday, October 14, 2016

How Will I Love Him With The Stigma of Betrayal?

Good day big sister, may God bless you on how you have been touching and changing lives, please ma I need your advice and that of my fellow fans on this issue that has been affecting my peace... 
My marriage is four years plus but recently I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with his ex, through my investigation I got to know that the lady in question is married with kids
though the husband reside abroad and I also got to know that the same lady has always been with my husband any time he travel to the village alone to the extent that she used to sleep with my husband in our matrimonial bed in the name of distance cousin (that is what they used to tell his people each time this lady came to the house).
I confronted him with every of my evidence, he denied it but later admitted to have done that and pleaded that I forgive him, and promised never to do such again. After much pleading and accepting to do my request which includes changing our matrimonial bed, deleting every of her contacts, and quitting every communication with her, I told him okay oooh just for him to let me be.... 
To tell you the fact, I have forgiven him but how can I let go and forget? How can I love him again with this stigma of betraying my trust? Finally, how do I develop the affection I had for him before because all these things died the very moment I notice he is a cheater.
Nevertheless his family confronted him and talked to him concerning this act, since then I don't feel like having sex with him because each time he tries touching me in a romantic way, I feel betrayed knowing fully well that I have been a faithful and a caring wife,... Thanks



Betrayal of trust is a horrible and devastating experience in any relationship or marriage. It makes a mess of all the promises and commitment one has invested in the marriage. So what you feel is not strange. Every human being has at one point in their life done something wrong, painful, devastating and horrible to God and to humans. We have sought for understanding, patience, tolerance and forgiveness, and one of the greatest miracles of our salvation is knowing that our sins, shortcomings, weaknesses, and inadequacies have been forgiven and forgotten by God. 
If God who we hurt, offend, abuse, humiliate, and embarrass on a daily basis could forgive us without reservation, what other excuse do we have for holding grudges against those who hurt us? 
I know that you have been faithful and committed to your husband but remember that you are accountable to God in your marriage. If your husband has pleaded for your forgiveness and have apologised to you for his unfaithfulness, if your in-laws have also intervened by talking to him and condemning his actions, please show mercy to your husband.
If you can't forgive your husband, it means that you are saying that God shouldn't forgive you of your own shortcomings, remember the prayer that says forgive us our trespasses as we have forgiven those who trespassed against us. For us to be a beneficiary of God's mercy and grace, we must extend our grace and mercy to those who have in one way or the other offended us. 
To help you, seek the face of God and ask him for the grace to forgive and release your husband out of your heart. You cannot throw away your baby with the bath water, but I think that it's wiser and better for you to forgive him and work on rebuilding the broken trust. 
From the very first time that you met him to the very moment that you fell in love with him, the beautiful moments that have brought joy and fulfilment in your relationship and the challenging moments that have brought both of you closer together. Remember those unique qualities that distinguished him from other men and all he has done to let you know that you are the only woman that will run his empire on earth, and be encouraged that though he messed up in the past, he can still be supported, encouraged and appreciated. 
I believe that if you choose from the depth of your heart to set him free, your desire for sexual intimacy will be restored because the body responds to sexual advances when the heart is free of hatred and sadness.
Please choose to let go, and unite with your husband to strengthen your marriage.

2 comments:

  1. It's very rare to see men admits their shortcomings even when you caught them red handed and in this case, he did. However, you can't continue to discriminate him. I would advice you to forgive and forget,please let go. If our Lord Jesus can die on the cross of Calvary for all our sins, who are we not to forgive people who wronged us? Please ask God for the grace to forgive your husband. May God bless your marriage. Cheers 👍👍👍👍

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  2. It's very rare to see men admits their shortcomings even when you caught them red handed and in this case, he did. However, you can't continue to discriminate him. I would advice you to forgive and forget,please let go. If our Lord Jesus can die on the cross of Calvary for all our sins, who are we not to forgive people who wronged us? Please ask God for the grace to forgive your husband. May God bless your marriage. Cheers 👍👍👍👍

    ReplyDelete

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