Monday, October 10, 2016

I'm Afraid Of Letting Go And Starting All Over.

Good morning ma, I'm here with my wahala(challenge) again but I know God will use you in giving me answers that I need.
Ma, I'm in a relationship with a 26 years old guy, it's an open relationship, it's been going smoothly but recently we have been having serious issues here and there.

Ma, my guy complains that I don't know how to do chores for him, and I'm wondering I don't even live with you so how do you expect me to be doing chores. I visit him only on Sundays but I still try to fetch water, wash his clothes and even cook for him but the only thing he will say is "you don't know how to wash clothes" not even one thank you.
Yesterday, we had a little misunderstanding, the next thing I did was to hold his shirt and push him to a fight. I'm always doing that thing and he's warned me but I never listen, it got to its height yesterday that he even asked me to leave his house that he's no longer interested in me and that he regrets going public with me. He said that he made a mistake by promising to marry me but now he's realized that he can't put me in the house because I'll always fight him and that he doesn't want that.
This guy has serious anger issues and unforgiving spirit, it takes him like forever to forgive, yesterday he was just saying trash.. His friend asked me to keep calm that he's just angry that he'll get over it.
After all the begging, my guy accepted for us to see again but on the condition that it won't end in marriage, he even said he doesn't want to waste my time that if anyone comes to marry me, I should go with the person.
Ma, that's not the problem , I know what he's saying is not good but I can't help it, I'm afraid of letting go, I'm afraid of starting over again with someone else.... Please advice me on how to add value to myself and stop begging a guy who's got his mind made up already even though I love him so so much
Sorry for the long write up ... God bless you ma as you take time to reply me.

Let me start by addressing your repulsive attitude to your partner. No matter how beautiful, gorgeous, intelligent, rich or selfless you are, disrespecting a man who you claim to love doesn't portray you as a lady who can raise a family with a man. 
Challenging a man to fight you, holding his shirt or pushing him away and demanding for a fight is a subtle way of signing your death warrant because when you provoke a man who cannot control his emotions to anger, he may do something that you never anticipated. 
If you are not comfortable with his personality, if you feel that you cannot respect him for who he is, whether you are older than him or both of you are in the same age, or you are the one feeding him, please take a walk and terminate the relationship. 
I am admonishing you because if you take this attitude towards your husband, you may never live to tell the story. Avoid anything that will provoke your partner to anger, from your choice of words to physical action against him or even starving your husband of sex. 
God made men the leader of a relationship and marriage, if you are not comfortable with that design, please consider enrolling into the convent and serve the Lord with all your heart, but if you desire to build a family with a man, then you must learn to respect yourself and respect your partner. 
You can't claim to love a man so much and you consistently push him to a fight and then claim that he warned you but you refused to listen. If you love a man, you will listen to him and understand his personality, then avoid the things that provokes him, and help him to stand emotionally.
If you have written to me concerning his attitude, unforgiving spirit and ingratitude, I would have addressed him on how to appreciate and encourage you in the relationship.
Maybe you should encourage him to write to me so that I can have a word or two with him and find out if there's anything that can be salvaged in the relationship. 
On your own part, you have to learn what relationship and marriage entails, you need to understand the institution you are preparing for and then take your time to understand the personality and attributes of men to help you communicate with them. 
You need to understand that serving a man, or doing all the wife duties when you are not married to him doesn't guarantee that he must marry you. Also a marriage promise or proposal doesn't actually translate into marriage or mean that you should kill yourself to impress a man. 
Finally, you need to learn when to quit an unhealthy and unhappy relationship because they actually bring out the worst personality in you. 
You don't need to beg for love or beg to be loved, if he's into your personality, he will definitely appreciate your commitment, but if he's not, he will definitely frustrate you out of his life. 
In all, you need to work more on your interpersonal relationship and most importantly in learning how to communicate with men without disrespecting his personality.

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