Monday, October 3, 2016

I'm Scared Of Having A Quarrelsome Home.

Good day ma, thank you for being a divine help to our generation. Am writing with a very heavy heart because am so scared of making a mistake in marriage, am scared I would make a wrong choice of a life partner.
Am a 22 years old lady, already a graduate, working and doing well for myself. I've been in a relationship with a 27 years old guy but we are always arguing and quarrelling, he doesn't understand me at all and he is so domineering, he wants to be some sort of lord over me.

At first I thought it was all my fault like I wasn't submissive like he always complained. I then took time to change myself entirely, I try not to talk, I try to obey. I even spoke to people about it for counselling, I really wanted it to work cos I love him a lot but still it isn't working. 
He accuses me of so many things and wants me to bow to him, always making reference to the scripture of women being submissive. I keep telling him submission is not slavery, I probably think it's cos he lost his mum when he was seven years, so he hasn't had a mother figure in his life. 
The problem is am scared of having a quarrelsome home with him, I have met with his family and they love me, he wants to settle down soon but am so uncertain and scared. I've tried severally to work on it but he is too domineering, he keeps telling me he would change me that am not a good wife material, and he says so many hurtful things when we quarrel without thinking about it, we are just not compatible. 
Note: He doesn't have much money yet, he is still managing but I promised to stick by him and build with him even with many other suitors I have, but he isn't helping me.
Also ma I have a friend of many years who has been asking me to be his wife, but he is so much older than me he is 38 years and am not sure my parents would approve of his tribe. Am not in love with him but am so at peace with him, he understands me and I love his personality, he isn't so well to do which is another set back for me.
Ma am just generally confused, I don't want to make a mistake, am at peace with the older guy but I don't want to rush into it simply because my boyfriend is this way, can my boyfriend and I be helped? Do you think if I lose this other friend of mine I would see someone that would understand me this well?
I don't want to rush into marriage because am still young but I want to start up my family as soon as I can. Ma help me like a daughter, I grew up seeing my mum and dad quarrel at every stage. I want a peaceful marriage, I want to be happy ma, am confused. Thanks in anticipation of your reply.


I will tell you the plain truth about the personality you are dealing with in your relationship, then allow you to decide whether he's what you need. 
You are dating a man who is insecure in himself, who sees you as a threat to his success and perceive you as a competition to him. 
He doesn't love you really but he wants to use you to create a dummy tagged submissive wife, when he's done, you will have no mouth to express your views, but will be left with only your ears to listen and obey his commands and instructions. 
According to him, you're not a good wife material. The implications of this statement is that there's nothing good in your life but I'm still wondering why he wants to marry a lady who isn't a good wife material. 
Again, you're dealing with a man who is verbally abusive and will never consider your opinions or contribution in all his endeavours. 
The summary of your partner is that you are dating a man who makes your life miserable, and you have no peace or happiness in this relationship which is a dangerous signals to ignore when you are trusting God for your own husband. 
The second man is a great man according to your perception of you. You seem to be at peace with him but you're worried about his age and place of origin. 
These two things are not the most important things to consider when you are trusting God for your husband. However if you're concerned about his age and your not comfortable with dating him to understand his personality, please don't date or marry him. 
God is still faithful to give you the kind of man who perfectly fits into your personality and makes life pretty much lovely and rewarding. 
You don't need to panic or get stuck with a man that will make you shed tears or feel annoyed because of his personality, instead take your time and allow God to favour you with your own husband. 
If you wish to encourage him to write to me here, please encourage him to do so but that doesn't mean that you should ignore the glaring limitations in your relationship.

1 comment:

  1. He is a choleric by temperamental side of view n for such temperaments d only thing dat smtimes work is compliance. I will advice u back out if u can't bear it cos marriage is nt swt wen u r managing ur partner. Pls look for this talk by Pst. Sam oye ''TEMPERAMENT' N listen to it, ALSO READ THIS BOOK : Y U ACT D WAY U DO.

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