Saturday, November 19, 2016

My Husband Wants To Throw Me Out of the House.

Hello Sis Amara,
My names are O... I have been married for twelve years and it's been very traumatic. My sisters-in-laws have been making my marriage hell all in the name of they are united and no one can separate them. Especially the first who has been separated from her husband and the fourth who is not married. 

At a point in time both moved in with us because of accommodation issues and ended up staying for four years, and during their stay my husband beats me up because of them during the early stages of my third pregnancy, and our church pastor had to settle the issues. It was really war before they left even though they left with so much annoyance and hatred. 
My husband's business also crumbled which means I had to shoulder the family's responsibilities. There is nothing I do that ever satisfies him, it is one complain or the other. Our sex life became a disaster cause I was no longer enjoying it. It was more of routine than being fulfilled and satisfied. I sort of detest him when he touches me cause I feel unloved and maltreated. 
I had to resign from my job when it was challenging because of health issues which he was aware of, and all he started telling people was I resigned without his consent. I believe it's because he felt the money coming in has stopped. He started reporting me to people just to make me feel worse. He refused to do anything about getting a job or business and kept going to his sisters for financial assistance and all he could say was that he is trying for the family.
Our first child who is 10 years old just finished primary school, she was on scholarship for three years there. We did federal exams alone, due to him being adamant that she must go to Queen's college. She was never posted there and he still insisted he get her into the school. I suggested alternative school which he refused. My daughter has been home since other schools resumed and she feels so bad about it. I went around our neighborhood and got a school for her which I paid for and then he got wild about it that I'm challenging his authority, that he told me to wait for the admission in Queen's college. He left the house since last Wednesday and has not returned home, he actually wanted to throw me out of the house.
I really love my kids and don't want to leave them alone.
Though he has only beaten me twice, and blamed me for the incidence with his sisters.
Please kindly advice me on what to do.
Right now we are in lots of debts because of his attitude.
I'm really in a dilemma.

Though I understand that things may not be as it's used to be, I still believe that there are better ways to address some issues in your marriage. 
That his business crumbled doesn't mean that you shouldn't respect him for who he is in your life and marriage. You must learn to respect his personality and at least accept him as your leader instead of taking a very sensitive decision without considering his opinion or suggestion. 
I know that you have experienced so much turbulence in your marriage, but if you still feel like giving your all to make your marriage succeed, you need to change your approach and work with your husband. 
Thankfully his sisters are no longer living with you and I want to believe that he doesn't abuse you physically and emotionally anymore. If he doesn't listen to your opinion or suggestions, involve your family and his family, or consider talking to your pastor who already have an idea of what you're experiencing in your marriage. 
Where every reconciliatory efforts fails, then you may need to consider separation to help both of you readjust your perspective towards the challenges confronting your family. 
The crux of your challenge is that both of you are not working and things are pretty bad, and I feel that it's something that can be managed if both of you choose not to attack each other but address the challenge of your family to help you enjoy your marriage with your husband.
If for any reason your husband still beats and abuses you, kindly pack your things and leave his house with your children. Your life is very important to us than any marriage drama.


  1. please that advise is not sound, what other way should she have gone about putting her daughter in school.
    her mates were in school already, the child was sad and sulky, she should have killed goat for him abi. she went about it the way she could to put the child back in school.
    poster life is hard, i believe you made the right choice for your child.

  2. the only part of that advise that stands tall is when you said she should pack and go. all these is just abuse.


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