Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Is He Having an Affair with His Babymama?

God bless you ma, l have something that has been bothering me for months, I believe you can counsel on how to handle it maturely.
I have been married for two years now, courted for a year, my husband stays abroad while am in Nigeria.
He has a two years old child though not married before which he told me before we got married, I accepted his child with good fate. My husband told me no children till I join him, I accepted out of love, believing my VISA would be processed very soon.
Things didn't work out the way we planned due to financial situations which I still managed no matter the little he gives me. But I still feel lonely, sometimes depressed. Few months ago I told my husband that I want a baby, am tired of waiting with a gentle voice, only for him to tell me that he has a child oo, I can go get pregnant elsewhere, he doesn't care.
I was shocked, couldn't talk, felt betrayed, brokenhearted, and a fool all these years, for believing no child till I join him. Though I have forgiven him. He travelled to the city where his babymama and child relocated to once a month, sometimes he spends a day or two not just with his child but babymama too, though he doesn't sleep in the house with them according to him, which am no longer comfortable with any more, spending time with his babymama too but don't know the best way to approach this.
He hasn't told his babymama that he's married, reason.. he wants me to join him first before he tells her, she must not know he got married from Nigeria, though the lady had another baby with another man few months ago, my husband told me they ended their relationship before he met me. Honestly spending time with his babymama is affecting my trust for him even though I still love him. I am still wondering why all this attachment with his babymama.
I have nothing against his child, he takes good care of his child, sometimes my own upkeep money have to wait to make sure the baby and mother is happy which I don't complain but not comfortable with the lady, I know pretty much that he didn't use her for green pasture.  I will be joining him anytime soon by God's grace.
Please ma help on how to handle this. Thanks.


I know that you love and believe so much in your husband, and both of you had an agreement not to have a child until you join him. I also want to believe that both of you had this agreement before wedding and you were comfortable with it at the time both of you made the agreement. 
However, there are some pockets of doubts, lies and deceits in your mail which I feel you should consider while you patiently hope to join him. 
Your husband is still in love with his babymama and they share a bond deeper than what you think. This is why though they're 'separated' and she has another baby for another 'man', he seems not to be proud enough to let the world know that he's married. 
Secondly, he already has a child, meaning that he's not necessarily in a hurry to have a child with you, by extension this will delay your chances of joining him, and deepen his relationship with his babymama. 
I hope that you eventually join him as soon as possible because until you do, you may never understand who you're dealing with, nor relate to what he's dishing out for you. 
Since you agreed to punish yourself emotionally and psychologically by getting married to him, I will encourage you to be patient, persevere, pray and hope that you join him as soon as possible so that both of you can live as man and wife and build your marriage.
Talking about anything on the phone won't yield any positive result , so the best option is to either join him or wait until he's back to iron out issues with him.

4 comments:

  1. hmmmm.. men and thier lies. i wonder what he was thinking before he got married. am just in similar situation like the poster, in all pray and seek Gods direction

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  2. abroad husband, can't deal please.

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