Saturday, April 8, 2017

Am I Asking for Too Much?

Good morning Amara and everyone else.
I am at my wit's end and won't bore you with unnecessary details.
I have been awake since 2am wondering the kind of life I've found myself in. This is my ninth year in marriage and blessed with children.
My husband is a good man, not abusive in any way but too laid back with life and catering for his family. He has a job that pays him N30,000.00 monthly. He is a graduate but is stuck to this office. I have given suggestions on things to do to help sustain the family because in reality that amount won't move any family forward but he ALWAYS has excuses as to why it won't work.
I am a consultant, money comes to me based on clientele level. I help very well at home both financially and otherwise. I take care of every need at home.
For about four years, rent and school fees are being met only by the grace of God. I am cool headed even though I miss it sometimes , get angry and frustrated. I give him food, respect him, we hardly even quarrel but I am not happy. He hardly helps with other things at home unless I push him to e.g calling a plumber or electrician when they are needed, helping with children's school work and so on.
If my husband were to take care of his responsibilities as the head of the home, our lives would be better. I am really tired.
I have mentioned a few times that he might come home to an empty house one day, he will apologize and promise to improve but I don't see any. I don't know how he sleeps peacefully, it still amazes me.
At least, from the beginning of this year, I have been talking to him every new month to change so that things can change around us but all is on a deaf ear. After work he comes home, Saturdays he exercises from 7am till about 1-2pm, Sundays home. This is his routine. No Fire in his spirit to make more money because we are not living as good as we should. We constantly pray for open doors but I am also a realist. 
Please, in all honesty, am I asking for too much? Is this how marriage works? How does one put up with this?

I don't want to say that I understand what you are going through, that will be an unfair statement to you because in reality your pains is deeper than your words could portray them. 
Waking up to a man who lives as though he's single, makes no effort even if he doesn't achieve any result. Looking at your family and realizing the enormity of your responsibilities, and then looking at your husband, and feeling like a single mother. 
It's an experience that words can't describe nor counsel fix, but painfully this is your journey of destiny.
The worst thing that a lady will experience in a marriage is living with a baby man who doesn't make any effort to take the responsibility of his home except perhaps in bedroom. 
Dear woman, I know that you are on the virge of giving up, but look at those lovely children God have blessed you with and be hopeful. It is huge carrying almost the whole responsibilities of your family, especially with a man who doesn't really care, but if God equips you with the finances and the grace, please don't give up. 
Since you can't push him to do anything, push yourself to invest in alternative means of earning money to support your family. Think of ways to multiply your sources of income and don't allow your husband to dampen your spirit. 
You can build your family to the standard that you desire even if your husband decides to do nothing. If it is possible for you, or convenient for you, please stop talking and strategize on ways to earn more income for your family. 
It's a sacrifice for the future of your children and your family. Please don't let anyone know about his inadequacies, and avoid insulting or disrespecting him, or painting a negative picture of your husband to your children. 
Your husband may be a man who doesn't like taking risk or perhaps who was never prepared for marriage, but let your concern not be about his inadequacy, instead channel your concerns and thoughts towards other ways you can earn more money to support your family. 
If you receive ₦250,000 every month on average, it's possible that you can think of other legitimate ways to make double of that and hopefully save part of it for your children and your family. 
My personal prayer for you is that God will enlarge your coast and provide all you need to cover your family and give the very best to your children. 
If some women were to share some of the things they sacrificed in their marriage, many single ladies won't consider marriage as an option, but the God who created a woman to help a man is wiser than our own understanding.
You are not asking too much, perhaps you're asking from the wrong source, this time choose to deliberately quit pushing your husband, and decide to seek God and his wisdom to make wealth enough to provide for your family and your children. God is able and will grant the very desires of your heart in your marriage.

1 comment:

  1. Well spoken, dear counsellor. I am proud of your advices.


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