Monday, June 12, 2017

Am I Really Too Unserious to Him?

Greetings to you ma! I have an issue that has been bothering me and I feel the need to talk to someone about it....
I am a 24 years old lady, dating a guy of 31. He is a very cool person, I love him and I know he loves me also, he's someone that loves God so much and a devoted child of God(that was the attraction).
We are in a no sex before marriage relationship and we plan on getting married next year God willing. The problem I have with our relationship is that we don't share same interest, we're both introverts. He's someone that loves to read history, about war(he's in the military), programming, and whatever he feels can change the world cause he believes he can change the world in his own little way....
I on the other hand, I don't find any of those things interesting, instead I could watch comedy, all those video clips we see on the internet and laugh over them. When I get such vidoes and send to him, he doesn't find them funny like I do, and he bluntly told me to stop sending them which I did...
I'm not so playful but I love to play once in a while and joke around about some things but he'd rather shut me out when I try to play with him, he takes things too seriously at all times....
I've talked to him over and over about his being too serious attitude but the more he tries to change the worse he becomes and his reactions make me withdraw to my shell...
I've always dreamt of getting married to my friend, someone I can play with and laugh randomly with, someone I can call big head and won't warn me to stop and tell me how disrespectful that is. 
I don't just want to get married to a husband I want my bestfriend kind of marriage. Am I asking for too much? Am I really too unserious? I don't want to get married and everything will just be like a routine, sometimes I feel like just letting him go.
Please I need your candid opinion.


Dating/relationship provides a wonderful platform for friendship and bonding. This helps individuals to learn a bit of the other person, what makes them unique in their own way, and those attributes that makes them different from you. 

It is also an opportunity to find out how compatible or tolerant both of you are, and how much or less both of you are willing to sacrifice to accommodate the personality of the other person. 

From all you said, he's a good man who has a great vision for his life, a personal relationship with God, and plans for himself. You on the other hand is a wonderful person who wishes to add value to his life, support him, and at the same time be his best friend in all his endeavors. 

However, he seems to act like a man who doesn't have a space in his heart to accommodate your playfulness or allow you to be yourself and still be cherished. He's so consumed by his vision and his personality that he's indirectly manipulating you into becoming like him. 

This is what you are struggling with, and this is why your love for him is no longer sufficient to make you ignore his strictness and seriousness in the relationship. 

I wish I could encourage you to endure or ignore these traits but I am afraid if he will ever be comfortable with your being free and playful as you desire. I doubt if you will ever be his best friend or even be free around him or be yourself without being seen as unserious or an irresponsible wife/lady. 

This is where you need to ask yourself if your love for him is sufficient enough to accommodate this intolerant aspect of his life. This where you need to decide if you can sacrifice your desire for a friendly husband for a bossy husband. This is where you need to decide if those good attributes of his personality is sufficient enough to manage his unfriendly personality and shortcomings.

Until you are married to him, you have every freedom to examine everything critically and decide what's best for you. If you don't feel happy, peaceful, and excited going into marriage with him, there is a need for you to take a break and examine those issues that are troubling your heart to avoid getting married and living in regrets for the rest of your life. 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)