Monday, June 26, 2017

He's Not Willing to Leave Me!

Good day ma, please I seriously need your advice. I have been dating my boyfriend for ten years now, though he proposed to me on 2015 and even went with his people to see my parents that the same year.
My parents and siblings have never been in support of the relationship from the moment they knew about it, so they rejected his marriage proposal since 2015 till date.
Their reasons being that: he is nine (9) years older than me; that he is a shoemaker from polygamous home; and people from my side who are married to their place don't last long.
Since then we have been praying and hoping for good response from my family, but it seems they are not changing their mind on it. I have tried ending the relationship but he threatened to kill himself if I leave him.
In the middle of last year, we struck a deal that if by Easter this year we do not get married, that I will leave him and marry any other person that shows interest.
The problem now is that Easter have come and gone, not only that the marriage did not take place, he is also not financially ready even if my people change their mind today. And he is not willing to leave me and I don't think I still love him that much to get married to him.
I have been faithful to him all these years, and have rejected about three (3) suitors. This really caused problem between me and my family, to the extent my senior bother stopped paying my dues when I was in my final year in school, and even now he doesn't call or care about me.
None of my family members is in support of the marriage except my mom, and I guess it is because she doesn't want me to feel bad but deep inside her heart I know she doesn't like the idea a bit.
Just of recent, he sent me a text appreciating my love, care, understanding, and pleading that I should not leave him because I mean the world to him, and if I leave him that he can't bear it.
Aunty Amara, I'm really confused that I don't know what to do, and age is not on my side either. All my friends and mates are married. Need your advice seriously.


Your mail is quite interesting and insincere too. 
Your family is against him, that I understand ; he's financially not strong enough for marriage, that I can relate to; your friends and mates are all married, they're not your model for living.
The real question is, do you really love this man? Is he the husband you desire to marry or are you in bondage of his threat? 
If you are in love with him, what are you doing differently to help him achieve his vision for the relationship? 
And if you are not in love with him, why waste your time and his time? 
If you are so convinced that he's not the one you wish to spend the rest of your life with, please open up to him and let him know the truth. There is no need pretending to be with him when you are not really into his personality. But if you are genuinely interested in growing in love with him, please bend down and work out ways to make the marriage a success. 
He may not be financially capable but your good ideas and suggestions will go a long way to help him become a better man in the future. 
Ten years of indecision is not good enough for you as a lady, wake up and stop allowing 'circumstances' to ruin your life and future.

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