My Hubby Abuses Me!

Good morning ma, please I need your advice and that of your fans. I am emotionally and pyschologically down, and I am losing my mind. Please permit me to write lenghty because I want to give you full detail of what am going through.

Am 25 years while my hubby is 31, married for a year and three months but still Trying To Convince(TTC). These few months of my marriage have been sweet and difficult because no marriage is all that rosy. I love my hubby and I believe he loves me too.

He has been out of work since last yeear August but God has been seeing us through. Things have been very difficult for us, we sold our car and land, and located to another area which was cheaper than our former location. We used the money we realized from the car to rent another house and bought another land which was more secure because it's inside estate.

He got a three months contract work in the east, so I had to stay alone with his younger sister who I was living with but left to stay with their second cousin whom the parents and sibling are abroad with the plan of keeping her company. She is 28 while my sister-in-law is 25.

This my sister-in-law is not so mature, she isn't intelligent, she behaves like 12 years old girl, infact she has low mentality. Please ma it's not that I am trying to belittle or talk bad about her but just wanted you to understand her level.

She needs someone to guild her, I do have discussion with her where she always tells me her encounter with boys and they always deceive her but she won't know. I do give her advice whenever she comes around. I have never maltreated her.

I told hubby to allow his sister to stay with us, that is so much exposed to danger living with that their cousin. The cousin comes late which means that this my sister-in-law will be outside waiting for her to come back on time or she will sleep out.. My sister-in-law is the one telling me all this oooo.

I have quarreled with hubby to take care of her sister that tomorrow if anything happens to her, people will say that it was since he married that he sent her only sister away because of the wife.

Even when we travelled home for Christmas, people started saying that am using her as maid, and she was so unkept, my mother-in-law also said the same thing. They never asked if she was staying with us, they concluded that am maltreating her.

Even before my hubby brought her to stay with him, people were saying that she will get pregnat. So am just trying to prevent all these things, at least if she stays with us she will be afraid of the brother to do certain things. Hubby have refused to reason with me, each time the issue comes up, he will tell me am not better than her sisters, that I have not achieved anything in my one year of my marriage, and that I shouldn't use his money to go for treatment to the hearing of our neighbors. I couldn't come down from our flat because of shame. Hmmmm, he later apologise and I forgave him, but each time I remember those words I feel  down.

Now the so called cousin travelled and left my sister-in-law with another of their relative because I travelled to see hubby if not she would have come to stay with me.

My hubby never mentioned it to me that her sister is alone. Anytime I discussed anything with hubby about the well-being of his sister, he will go to my back and discuss with another person. I couldn't hold it again because my sister-in-law is being exposed to street life, I had to call my immediate brother-in-law who is in abroad to tell him that anything that happens to their only sister that am not involved, that he should talk with his elder brother who is my hubby to reason with me about their sister's welfare.

This morning hubby started shouting at me that I called the brother to scather their family. I was like am I not part of the family, when he was shouting he said so many things which I kept calm again. I told him that he is the only person that can take of their sister. He slapped and started beating me, to be sincere it was very hard for me not to return the slap which I did and later regretted.

This is the third time he is hiting of which the other ones I was at fault. He beat me this morning, said I should go back to Lagos or go and stay with my family in the villa. Any small fight he will tell me that I should leave. I don't want third party in my marriage but this is beyond me, and can't even tell his people because I sense they will side him. I don't even want to tell my mum.

He left for work and said that I should park my things and go, that my people can go and call police for him because he knows my little brother can't talk to him nor fight. I don't have anybody to talk to, and I am the type that doesn't keep friend.

My hubby has abused me emotionally, telling me that I can't work since he married me when I haven't finished my school. I have been looking for a teaching work with my OND but I didn't get any for now.

Am in my final in Noun, I learnt fashion while in school which am very good at now but no capttal to start my own business.

Ma I was not brought from a lazy home, I have tried very hard to look for what I can do but my hubby has concluded that am lazy, that he never dreamt to have a liability as a wife. I am aware that my marriage is too young to be passing all this, but am losing my mind. Am not working but he gave me all his money to keep for him even his salary. I know my husband loves me but whenever he's angry, his words hurt, he will begin to tell me that it's my because I have his money that am messing up. I have tried to be a good wife not to talk back at him when he's angry, he has been supportive in our journey, but this guy get bad mouth die.

Ma please save my marriage, I need a peaceful home, and prayed for God to help me to have my own kids. 

I understand that you are working so hard to be a good wife to your husband and his relatives, but do not in your bid to show them that you are a virtuous woman end up punishing yourself unnecessarily. 

No matter what you do or say, it is not enough for your husband to raise his hand on you. You are not a kid that is corrected by slapping or a slave that he will shutdown as he pleases, but you are his partner, companion and wife who is in his life to support, compliment, and give him all the encouragement he needs to succeed in life and ministry. 

So do not under any circumstances justify his violent tendencies as being a corrective measure to your shortcomings, it is not and will never be an option to resolving any misunderstanding in a marriage. 

I quite agree with you that you are now part of his family the very moment you got married to him, but I will encourage you not to be in a hurry to fix things that may not be the way they ought to. The very moment you shared your thoughts concerning your sister-in-law and he insulted you, was the best time to drop everything concerning her from your mind. 

If you think that your husband and his siblings doesn't know what is going on in the life of their sister, you are wrong because they've lived all years even before your husband thought of getting married to you. 

Understand that you can never, I repeat, can never please anyone, not even your in-laws or your friends, so quit trying to please anyone and focus more on pleasing God and yourself.

Let the word of God and your conscience guide you to do good at all times in all circumstances. Help in your own little way and avoid anything that will expose you to any form of confrontation or exchange of words with your husband. 

Reporting your husband to his younger brother was inappropriate because you belittled your husband before his brother, and made him look like an irresponsible man before his brother and his family. Perhaps that was why he reacted by beating you. So avoid such, and please focus on building your friendship and marriage with your husband.

As much as your husband may love you, if he beats you at every provocation and abuses you emotionally all the time, you may not be alive to enjoy the money he showers on you. This is why you must as a matter of necessity not condone any form of physical or emotional abuse to avoid losing your life in your bid to be a good wife to him. 

As regards your inability to conceive at this moment, I will encourage you not to panic or lose hope, but encourage your husband to go for sperm analysis to know the state of his sperm. There is also a need for you to go for some test to be sure that both of you are medically healthy. I will discuss further with you in my inbox and share some tips that will help both of you achieve your heart desire in your marriage. 

Please whenever you notice that your husband is angry or unstable, avoid confrontation or attacking him or responding to whatever he says for that is a recipe for violence or disaster. Be calm, be patient, and if you feel threatened, walk away from the scene until he's calm, both of you can discuss and sort out whatever that might have lead to the disagreement or misunderstanding. 

If he's continually abusive, please pack your things and return home. You need to be alive to build a healthy home, please don't sacrifice your life at the alter of an abusive marriage.