Thursday, November 2, 2017

How Do I Save Myself from Depression?

Good day Aunty,
I have been following your post for the past few months and I must say I have been blessed. Thank you.
I am a decent 27 years old girl who has dated just one person all my life. We dated for five years, and one day he woke up and called it quit, because according to him I wasn't giving him enough care and attention.
Though at the time, I gave the relationship my best and I had thought that we will get married when he gets a stable job.
I practically cried myself to sleep every night because I have over the years built my whole existence around him. I kept calling to beg him, I kept traveling and risking my life to see him. I kept begging his family members to help me talk to him but he refused..
I started sliding into depression and things I use to love doing became really boring though I didn't stop my church activities because those were the things that kept me going.
This year, he came begging and I accepted him back being that I never really got over him.
After about one month, he called me to say he was sorry for coming back that he doesn't need a relationship at the moment. I simply told him okay, no questions, no complaints.. He thanked me for my understanding and I left.
The issue I am am currently having is I have not gotten over this guy.. I do not know what the problem is but I know I am one who loves really hard and I am not very good with change.
I have tried hanging out more often, going to the cinema, reading more books but they are all not working as I still think about the past..maybe also scared about the future.
My greatest fear is going into depression and demeaning myself again. I need advice on how to handle this.
I thought of traveling, leaving the environment for a while but the fund is not available. I live in Abuja and I do not know if you have an Abuja chapter for your forum where I can meet new friends and get to learn a few things. Please help.

Life is unpredictable but we have the divine privilege to choose how to respond to issues of life. 
It is obvious that you are deeply in love with this man, but the real challenge is that you don't love nor appreciate yourself as much as you appreciate others. 
You made yourself vulnerable by building your world around him, instead of building your world around you and in God. 
You gave him the power control you by not analyzing his attitude and reaction to the relationship and to you in particular. 
Painfully, he knew that you will always fall for him, which is the reason why he always come back to you at will and leave at will. 
Can I tell you something? He's manipulating you emotionally and you need to put an end to this stupidity. 
First, there is no future between you and this boy, so get that stuck in your brain.
Secondly, erase/delete/purge every trace of this relationship off from your life and anything associated to you.
Thirdly, never give any hope/chance of him coming into your life, and if for any reason, he finds his way to you, kick him out of your life. 
You don't need your emotions alone, you also need your thinking faculty. You need to be firm on yourself and drive this depression out of your life. 
The worst thing that can happen to anyone is not losing a loved one, but losing yourself because you want to be with someone else. 
You don't force love, and you shouldn't allow anyone to abuse your personality, emotions, and energy in the name of love. No matter whatever you feel for him, there are millions of men who have all you need to feel loved and happy. 
Stop looking into your future through your past, and learn to control what influences you. He is gone, please bury the ashes of this relationship and think of ways to be a better, happier, and more successful woman with/without a man. 
Stop being a lady who needs a man and work towards becoming the lady that men desire to be with. 

Travelling won't help, trashing your past is all you need to become a happy woman today and a better woman tomorrow.

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