Friday, February 16, 2018

Am I Expecting So Much From Him?

Good day ma... Please ma, I am so confused. I have a suitor who said he wants to marry me, yet he hardly call me on phone. He stays in Abuja while I stay in Enugu.
I have known this guy for the past ten years, yet has never asked me how I manage to pay for my hair do... Although I wasn't taking it serious cos I never thought he would be so interested to the fact that he wants to marry me.
We served the same year, but different states. Those period, I thought it's cos he thought that I was also receiving allowance. But this last week own weak me.
It was my birthday, he knew quite well. He called me in the morning, not even a post of me to celebrate me. I asked him if I am not worthy to be celebrated publicly as your soon to be Mrs, he said he forgot, but he called me earlier. Just imagine!
Each time I complain, he says that he knows, that I have really tried for him, that I will surely enjoy him. I am not in love with him, I have begged him to make me fall in love with him, yet no sign or humor from his side.
I met this young doctor when I was serving, though he was a friend to my girlfriend. He came to visit her so from there the guy started making advances at me when my girlfriend is not around...
I quarreled that day, from then we became friends. I told my friend what he did and ask her to be careful. My girlfriend told me he is not having any serious thing with him. After service, he called to congratulate me, and invited me over to where he was working. Then my girlfriend got married, before we finished serving.
He sent transport fare, I came and stayed close to one week in his house both of us. He didn't make advances, I was shocked! We never had sex! I asked why he didn't, he said he wants to proof me wrong. I left...
Earlier last year, he traveled out of Nigeria. After some months he called me on my birthday, and on vals day. He rectified his international line added me on Whatsapp, and we chat sometimes, cos he complained that twenty-four-hours is not enough that he is too busy.
On my birthday, he was just every where on my timeline. I never asked him for anything ever since I knew him, cos he hasn't told me anything. But on my birthday, he asked me to send my account number so he can send me some little token to enjoy my day. We chatted, and I am in love with this guy.
I know almost all his friends, both home and abroad. He responds to my messages and always ask how I am doing. He wants to know every stage of my life.
I am friends with his siblings online, please ma, is he that shy to tell me something or am I expecting too much from him or am I thinking far?
I am 29 years old already, and I am beginning to lose it with the first guy who is coming for my hands in marriage. What should I ask him, cos I am also shy to ask same question to him, cos I believe he has to take the lead.
My parents has the plan of flying me to USA  before May for my studies and he stays in USA. I haven't told anyone yet or should I just forget about marriage now?
I am confused, please talk to me. I am seriously in love with the second guy, and I wish to spend the rest of my life with him. I am sorry for the long write up. 

The first man is not your friend, he doesn't know anything about you, nor does he want to connect with you. 
His words and his actions reveal that he's not genuine with his intentions nor does he want to build anything genuine with you. 
Building your hope around him will only mean setting yourself up for possible disappointment or heartbreak. 
For the second man, emm, I'm a little bit worried. I mean, do you mean to say that he never had any erection sorry I meant to say affection for you? No form of careless touching body or even some form of mumu movement for close to seven days you were with him?
You see, it is a great thing for a man to discipline himself against casual sex, but it is also normal and human for him to feel attracted or perhaps make some manly advances at you. And if after some days with him, such never happened, I'm a bit worried. 
Now, here is what I suggest you should do. Take your destiny in your hands, and be responsible for your own happiness. Stop waiting, guessing, anticipating, assuming, and expecting reaction/response from a man. 
If you have any questions for A, open up and ask him. Two things will happen, it's either he responds and clarifies your conscience or he doesn't, and that will mean that you will move on with your life. 
If you don't feel anything for A, don't punish yourself unnecessarily by expecting a magic wand that will make you fall in love with him, it's a huge expectation and it may hurt you in future. 
If you feel something for B, please develop it, work on it, and then find out if he feels the same way with you. 
In the end, it is not getting married that matters most, it is having a friend who is emotionally, mentally, psychologically, and spiritually prepared to grow with you and stand with you at all times. 
Make friends, connect with people, add value to yourself, aspire for greater height. Dream again, and strive to be better than you were yesterday. 
Marriage will come when it will come, but for now, enjoy every single day of your life, and go for what makes you feel loved, happy and fulfilled as a human being.
You deserve the best of life, please don't give the responsibility for your happiness to anyone.


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