Tuesday, August 7, 2018

Help! What I Saw in His Phone Shattered my Heart.

I'm a young lady of 29. I got engaged last year and had my introduction in April this year. About three weeks ago, I had a dream about my fiancé still making contacts with his ex. I had it in mind to ask him but it kept escaping my mind. He was actually engaged to a lady he had dated for a couple of years. According to him, she kept calling off the relationship at any slightest provocation and couldn't stand her anymore.
About two days ago, I woke up to urinate around 1am. I don't really know what prompted me to decide to check his phone for the first time. We never go close to each other's phone except we want to show ourselves something. I just thought I should try using his year of birth as his PIN code. Surprisingly, it opened. I saw things I never imagined. I know it's by the grace of God that can make an average man not to cheat but the magnitude of what I saw was more than what I envisaged.
I saw the pictures of his manhood he sent to several women, found out he was still sleeping around with other women, booking hotel room to sleep with them, sleeping over in an ex's house, having sex chat, video sex chats and told the foreigner he was dating online, that I am just his friend (our relationship status says engaged on Facebook and he made this public). 
He noticed I unlocked his phone when he woke up to urinate as well, started shouting and threatened to hit me if I don't tell him what I was doing with his phone. I denied touching it and waited till it was dawn before I confronted him.
To my surprise, he denied it all and said it all happened before the introduction. Most of the chats I saw happened even after the introduction. The most recent one where he was chatting with a lady and discussing their last sexual escapade happened just a week ago because I took note of the date.
Till now, my man is still yet to take blame and apologise. I don't just know what to do. I remember my dad asking me in the presence of my people and his if I was sure of my decision. Now I feel like turning back the hands of time. Aside from all these, he's a very caring man, very attentive( he gives me all his time and listens to me), does his best to make me comfortable the best way he can.
I really need your candid advice ma. What do I do? I'm at a cross road. Thank you very much as I await your counsel. God will keep blessing you for your good works.


At every point in your life, you have the right/freedom of choice. 
As you know, things don't always look the way we perceive them until we get close enough to see the pores that made the fine glossy image. 
Your partner may give you all the time you crave from him and listen to all the things you wish to share, but you can see that his loyalty is with different women. 
Aside from the fact that he has refused to acknowledge his errors, he is exposing you to sexually transmitted infections, and may never be faithful to you after wedding. 
The real question you should be asking yourself is if you can accommodate these excesses of his personality. 
The emotional infidelity, reckless sexual excapades, the pride/arrogance in acknowledging wrong and apologizing for his errors, and the emotional and psychological torture that comes with such an attitude. 
This is the best time to think, rethink, evaluate, and ask yourself if you are genuinely sure of your decision. It is never too late to turn the hands of time when making the right decision for your sanity and happiness in life. 
The world will celebrate with you on your wedding day, but you will live the rest of your life dealing with the reality of your decision. If you know that you cannot cope, accommodate or tolerate such attitude or lifestyle with him, your best advice would be to quit and save yourself from the stress of watching your husband sleep around with other women. 
Don't take chances when you can take charge of your own happiness...you deserve some respect and sanity in your marriage, and if you can't get it from your fiancĂ©, then you may wish to consider other options available to you. 
Good luck.

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