Married Women and Sex

Dear Men,

It is not enough to just complain about your wife denying you sex or not showing any attraction to you during sexual intercourse. 

Inasmuch as I am against that, I want to ask you a question- Have you tried to find out the actual reason for that? 

Women are very emotional beings and from my experience in counseling, I can authoritatively tell you that a good number of women are dying in silence. Now, don’t tell me that you are the best thing to ever happen to your wife because it’s possible I have your name in my inbox from your wife and she has a lot to lament on. 

What is your relationship like? Are you one of those men who believe that the women should have no sexual feeling? Are you one of those ignorant men who believe that sex for her should be for procreation only? Are you one of those who believe that if a woman asks for some good sex styles, she’s demon-possessed or seeing another man outside? Do you believe that since she’s not giving you sex, her heart is somewhere else? You need to get out of that mindset. 

Let me tell you some of the reasons why she is withdrawn 

1. No Intimacy: If all you do is bang and release with no consideration of her own feelings and satisfaction, you will lose her with time. She’ll get to that point where she sees sex with you as nothing but hard work. At this point, she begins to have sex with you because it’s her duty as your wife and not because she enjoys it. If you have the money, take her to a serene place and have a heart to heart talk with her. I’m sure if the two of you spend some time away from your children and family, some spark will come back into your marriage (if other areas are taken care of).

2. No Love Shown: The atmosphere you want at dusk is created at dawn, is a popular saying. You cannot be slave master in the day only to turn around and become a lover-boy during sex. You cannot talk to her like a piece of wood without feelings and expect her to be a woman with feelings. The woman you will have at night is made during the day. 

3. Stress: Gone are the days when women were made to sit at home as full time housewives; even full-time housewives and moms have their plate full on daily basis. We have more women in the workforce than it used to be. Your wife goes to work just like you and she goes through the same kind of stress you go through at work. But on getting home, you cross your legs in front of television and even though you got home before her, she has to come back and serve the master without you doing anything to help ease her stress. She stays on her feet from the moment she gets home until bedtime when nature calls and her entire body is weak. How do you expect this woman to be your “Sharon  Stone” in bed? It’s impossible sir. If you love her, you will do everything you can to make things less stressful for her. Being a good cook, I feed my family well and I encourage every woman to be the main chef in her home, but real men still go to the kitchen to fix meals for their family; my dad did that for us once every week. He thought me how to make the popular Edikaikong soup. You can fix your wife dinner. Even if you don’t know how to cook, just make it fun. 

4. Criticism: What words do you put in her ears? She cannot be free with you if all you do is criticize and put her down. You can’t call her fat, ugly, local, backward, and the likes all day and then turn around to savor her body at night. She’s troubled by your negative words to her and until you fix that, nothing will change sexually.

5. Some women lose interest in sex as a result of childbirth. She can’t really control it. Encourage her to eat more of foods that will help her sex life. Others have ears to those old-wives-tale about sex being demonic, bla-bla-bla, and so they go into marriage with that mindset, afraid of sex. Counseling and therapy will help as well.