Saturday, July 16, 2016

How Do I Go about the Introduction Ceremony?

Next week Saturday is meant to be my formal introduction, my dad now called me on Sunday that he must discuss with my fiancé before he approves it. I've been begging my dad since last year November that my fiance wants to meet him but any day he comes, my dad will just disappear (giving one excuse or the other) until one day in February when I didn't let him know my fiancé was coming and they met. To understand her mail, please read We don't want our Mum to Die
I expected him(my dad) to discuss with my fiancé that day at least to know some things about him( as man to man now). That's when he(my dad) knew he wanted to call my brother and ask him if he had washed his car, my brother said yes, he now asked that which one of the cars did he wash (all in the presence of my fiancé). I don't know what he was trying to do/prove, then he went to his room until my fiancé left( he always came from the south,where he lives, to see me and my family in the west)
And my dad also told me that I'll sponsor the introduction myself(feeding, drinks e.t.c) that he knows I cannot put myself to shame by not feeding my guests. I felt so devastated. Since I completed my NYSC last year, I've been hustling left and right to assist my mum.
This year January, I started a sewing job for someone based on contract and my monthly commission is N40,000 on the average, monthly transportation is N10,000. Since that January I've been bringing some foodstuffs home constantly just to relief my mum, I send small money to my siblings when I can afford to and I have some savings which I want to use to buy sewing machine for myself (I don't have any).
I tried to reason with him that I don't even have money to buy a sewing machine for myself, he said my husband will buy machine for me when I marry that I should just think of hosting my guests.
From outside, people pray to have my kind of family especially in church but they don't understand what is happening.
Ma, my questions are
1) How much of these problems can I tell my fiancé because so far I've always defended my dad everywhere even to my fiancé. I make excuses for my dad every time he comes and he's unable to see him. I'm scared that if I tell him, he might use it against me in future (as my dad does to my mum). Although he's not like that but people can change
2) How do I go about this introduction, going to an elder or a pastor is out of it because they'll either end up supporting him or the situation will become worse.
3) When it comes to money, I'm always on the defensive side. I don't tell my fiancé about my finance ( if my mum should have any money in her account, my dad will make sure he borrow everything without ever paying back). Whenever our discussion gets to my money, I don't know why, but I'm always very cautious because I see it as if he wants to collect my money. He tells me everything about his, and I know all his sources of income and how much he makes but I don't tell him mine. Please how do I correct this


To start with, you are dealing with a different man who is not your father and doesn't possess the attributes of your father. Though your father gave you a terrible description of fatherhood and a man, the truth is that we still have great men who will take good care of you and treat you as the queen of their heart. You need to look into God's word and relate to your partner according to God's word and not your father's attitude.
Since he's not interested in talking with your fiancé, organise yourself and prepare with your fiancé for the introduction. What is more important now is that you get married to your husband and leave your father and his poverty sorry riches alone. Whether he cares to support or not, by the grace of God, you shall get married and enjoy your marriage with your husband.
I feel that you are not helping your partner by keeping him in the dark concerning the attitude of your father and your family. What if he acts up on the day of introduction, how will you defend his actions to your fiancé. I will suggest that you get in touch with your fiancé and sit him down and let him know what your family truly looks like. Avoid unnecessary details but let him know your fears, struggles and the reason why you are always afraid to open up about your family.
If you are dating a man who understands that every family have one issues or the other, and he is emotionally mature and psychologically stable for marriage, he will never use it against you but will support you and do his best to make sure that both of you achieve your vision for the relationship.
Let's not make comparison or assumption when he hasn't given you any reason to suggest that he may change negatively.
Also involve your family elders and kindred so that they can work with you and give you their support for the wedding ceremonies. Some individuals may support your dad because they wouldn't want to reduce his personality before his daughter, but they also know the true state of your family and your challenges with him.
Please do not be afraid to share your journey or experience with the man who you will spend the rest of your life with, because doing so today will definitely affect you later on after your wedding.
In all, do not be distracted by your dad's antics or lose hope because of his attitude. Be focused and be courageous knowing that if God is with you, you will definitely succeed in all your endeavours.
It's well with you and I believe that you will someday smile and enjoy the rewards of trusting God totally in your times of adversity.

2 comments:

  1. i strongly rexommend sitting down with your fiancee and telling him the situation of things in your family.plz try as much as possible to aviod unecessary details.concerning entertainment for the introduction...abeg liase with your mum and fiancee. if he loves u...he wouldnt mind footing 80 percent of the bills.try to do it low key as possible as you can.make ur papa chop im money alone...just knw say im go soon tire!! most importantly..dont assume that your husband to be will be like ur father in future.my dear...prayer changes things!!wishing u all the joy u deserve.

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  2. My dear, who says the bride's family must foot the bills of introduction? We just did my sister's and the guy brought the cash and was willing to do more. The point is this, if u are truly convinced he is the man for u, don't hide anything from him and always make sure u put God first in all. He will not let u down. Father or no father, babe u must marry. I wish u well.

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