Common Sense in Marriage and Relationship

 Common Sense Tips in Marriages/Relationships

🔹When funds dwindle or financial capacity is weak, family planning should be adopted and child bearing should be stopped. 

Why? Children are blessings from the Lord. Blessings with huge financial implications. Simply put, raising children will cost you a hand and a leg. You don't bring them into the world when you don't have the capacity to give them your best. 

🔹When abuse becomes inevitable , quitting should become a necessity. 

Why? The moment you set out to forgive and tolerate abuse or abusive tendencies, you create a new environment that endorses, enforces, and enables abuse. Simply put, forgiveness doesn't stop an abuser from abusing, instead it enables an abuser to abuse his or her victim knowing that there's no consequences for his/her actions. 

🔹Red flags don't get better with tolerance. 

Why? Red flags are simply those attributes or traits that trigger your brain  into emotional or psychological distress. They're your brains support mechanism designed to protect you or prevent you from going into depression, anxiety, or emotional/psychological breakdown. The moment you ignore them or tolerate them, you create a suppression mechanism that may never stand the test of time. Because what you can't cope with doesn't get better with time. 

🔹If you don't have the mental, emotional, and financial capacity to lead a married life, don't get married. 

Why? Promises do fail. Plans do change. Intentions do crumble . Humans do evolve. You don't walk into marriage with the hope of eternal life and happily ever after. You plan, prepare, and negotiate your way into a healthy and sane marriage. With adequate preparation, you are one step ahead of any challenges a marriage may bring your way. And when things don't work as expected, you are not left stranded or hopeless. 

🔹When you find yourself in a relationship/marital mess, cut your losses as soon as possible. 

Why? Forgiveness is a good virtue, not like we have any alternative. But forgiveness without strategic projection is foolishness. If he's irresponsible, stop popping babies. If she's abusive, stop popping babies.If both parties can't lead a healthy and sane marriage, stop popping babies. If your marriage is run by pastors and relatives, please stop popping babies. More babies in a dysfunctional marriage will only make things more complex. 

🔹What actions can't prove, your brain shouldn't hold unto them.

Why? Words are cheap. Cheaper than your life. Cheaper than your emotion. Anyone can make promises and speak eloquently, but only through actions are words established. Words become flesh through actions Promises come alive through actions. If it was not lived, it shouldn't be written nor held unto. 

🔹Promises made during a pleasure ride is only as valid as the orgasm lasts. 

Why? During a pleasure ride, all that matters is orgasm. Every other thing is secondary. That's how the brain was wired to work. Now you know. If you want to have an objective discussion/negotiation with your partner, it shouldn't be done with a glass of alcohol nor during coitus, in your best interest that is. 

... But there's a problem, those in love rarely have an objective sense of reasoning because the desire to make the best of the relationship/marriage overwhelms the cognitive capacity of making objective decisions at critical stages/moments in their relationship/marriage. 

Marrying a Liability?

The popular slogan in town is that no man wants to marry a liability; that’s okay. I also agree that a man shouldn't marry a liability. Now today's woman understands that she ought not go into marriage empty handed as she might indeed be a liability both to the man and to herself.

But then, a good number of my fellow women miss a mark at this point. They are preparing not to be a man's liability, without taking into account what some men mean when they say they don't want to marry a liability. We have so many lazy men. Majority of them are boaters. They don't have as much as they claim they do. They are smart and know the hard working ladies. They scoop them off their feet and bath them with heavy romance. With the little they have, they do wonderful things for you.

They take you out, buy you expensive gifts and give you a treat of a life time. They give you the impression they are doing well in career or business, but things just suddenly began to get awful. Sooner or later, they begin to milk you. They will get you to fund their business. Get you to rent and fix their apartments. Before you know it, you are buying property in their name. Some will end up marrying you, but it's all because of your asset. Infact, you will even gladly contribute heavily towards funding your marriage ceremony, after all, its your marriage too.

Without knowing it, you that doesn't want to be the liability; you that is working your life dry just to be financially independent, has actually married a liability, who is partially or totally dependent on you. After marriage, you begin to pay the bills and still enable him with a suatainance budget.

Don't be any man's liability and don't allow any man be your liability too. Be financially independent and be sure you are also marrying a financially dependent man. Never forget: He is the provider, you are his helpmate. 

Should I Marry a Divorced Man?

Goodmorning ma, you have always been known for your good advice, God reward you. Please hide my id..
Sometime in 2017,my pastor told me to pray that God should cancel whatever that keeps making Divorcees come my way and pray for my original man to locate me, i always pray about it till date but the men always coming my way till date are divorcees. I am 28yrs and i want a man who hasn't been married before... Sometimes my family will even want me to go on with them, but i know what i want from God, some say its my Destiny (I reject it) In as much as i am not in a hurry about Marriage cos i don't want to mistskes as an only daughter, pray for me for i know you have the grace that my original man will locate me soon that will love me and we will serve God together and grow old together too..i will come Back to Testify, God bless you woman of God.

Dear sender, the implication for desiring a man that has never been married before, is that you just have to keep waiting for him till he comes. There is nothing wrong about building one's focus on a particular goal till it is achieved. But sometimes it is good to evaluate some beliefs we have about issues of life, expecially if it persists. Albeit, have you asked yourself, "what if what I am waiting for never comes and it becomes too late to make do with alternatives?" In other words what if you keep waiting for an ideal single man, till you have aged sorely?

What if the single men that show up are not as ideal as you want a husband to be? Will you still prefer such one because they are single? The implication of that is that you may marry an unideal single and later in life be a divorcee yourself. These things happen. Sometimes it's not everything we want to have that we eventually get. Somehow the Maker brings what we want in another form and not the way we desired it. For example... If you ask me, I will tell you that I think the actual thing you want from God is a wonderful husband! Both good husbands and wives come in many versions. Some come as singles. Some come as widowers/widows. Some come as divorced people. Some come as singles with children.

Divorce is not a behavioural trait. It's an experience. The virtual thing is that divorcées are people who once married as singles. Some of them made mistakes and became divorcees. Some of them tried to keep their marriages, but circumstances beyond their control just happened and they had to let go. Things just happen. So whether the person is divorced, widowed, single, etc, God can make a great husband out of such a person. As there are suitable and unsuitable singles, that's how there are suitable and unsuitable divorcees. Now it is either you keep waiting for a single man to come since you are not in a hurry to marry as you said, or you start thinking twice about your prospects. Maybe the will of God for you may have a face other than the one you know.

I'm Losing my Mind: He doesn't Allow me to do Anything!

I'm 28 years and I've been married for two years now, still trying to conceive (TTC). I was working before I got married, and eight months after our wedding my husband asked me to resign and relocate cos we weren't in the same state, but before I resigned I told him I wouldn't want to be idle when I resign which he agreed. 

I am Lonely in my Marriage:No Affection, No Attention!

Good morning everyone, please I will like you guys to advice me like you would advice your own sister...

I and my husband are from Nigeria but we reside in South Africa.. We dated for few months before he came to Nigeria to marry me and made papers for me to join him in S.A..

We live in a 2-bedroom apartment here but we only occupied one because one of my husband's friend that is a divorcee stays in the other room, they pay the house rent together. 

I have two kids already, I have told my husband to look for another apartment at least so that we can have our privacy as husband and wife, he refused saying he doesn't have money.. 

I Feel like Calling off the Marriage! Help me!

Good afternoon ma, thanks for this platform. Please this is really urgent ma, please help me post I beg you. 

Ma, I couldn't sleep all night, I am planning my marriage(trad) and boo isn't in Nigeria. When they came for introduction they had a heated argument with my family over beer because they came with malt only, I had to call my older cousins and gave them money for drinks for peace to reign. 

Marriage: Never a Barrier to a Fulfilled Life

Marriage is a beautiful, in fact, the most beautiful experience after salvation of ones soul from eternal damnation. It’s beautiful when you meet someone who supports you, believes in you, and shares values with you, it feels absolutely great. The blessings of having a wonderful spouse in your life is endless and anyone who desires a happy marriage desires something glorious and wonderful.

However, there has been an increase in desperation, panic, fear, and anxiety just because we have to get married by all means. The society, especially Africa, isn’t helping issues at all.

Sometimes we see those subtle signs, warnings, negative vibes, and red flags indicating possible catastrophe in getting married to that person, but we let societal pressure and lust force us into it. Some have paused their career, ambition, dream, vision, and their life simply because they are not married or they don't have a man/woman to call their own. You sacrifice everything, lose your common sense,

Joblessness and Marriage

Good evening aunt Amara, how does one choose between happiness and their future..
I met this gentleman three years ago. God, he is such a God fearing man with everything I want and prayed for in a man.. I believe that he is a blessing from God.. We have been courting all these years, he quit his job and went full time in ministry

A Strange Lady Wants to Destroy my Marriage!

Good day aunty Amara.. please I need your advice on an issue that has been bothering my mind.

I got married three years ago and ever since then it's been one problem or another-from infidelity to domestic abuse.

My husband can sleep with anything in skirt, he engages in sexchat, phone sex, physical sex with different ladies, masturbation..

I Have Been in a Hellish Marriage for Eighteen Years; Advice Me!

Please ma help me just the way you have been helping others. I pray that God will surely bless you, Amen. 

I have been in one hell called marriage for eighteen years and I have endured all the pains because of my children and because I can not cater for them if l should leave the house.

The main problem now is that he has refused to allow me to do any business or anything at all that can give money,

Majority of my Suitors are Ugly; Help Me!

Hey! Good morning and happy new month. How are you and your family? Please, I need to share something with you and please be candid to me and put yourself in my shoes on what you will do if you are me.

I'm 31 years old, I keep having suitors but my problem is that I don't like appearance of most of my serious suitors, not that I hate them but I don't feel physically attracted to most of the serious suitors,

Is a Lady's Natural Endowment a Significant Consideration in Marriage?

Good evening madam, thank you for changing life over the years. Please help me with this. I met a girl in December last year in the village. We are separately staying out of our state. She is good character wise, as far as I know.

But I have one concern and that is her natural endowment.

He Nearly Took my Life; I'm Terrified to go Back.

It all started in 2010 when a Pastor from The Lord's Chosen ministry came to me and said he wanted to marry me and my parent said no, but because my parent were not Chosen then, 

I was the only one that came out of Roman Catholic and joined Chosen because I was searching for God because I wanted to know more of Him.

So when this man came, he told me that he is the senior pastor in Malawi, and then I was about entering school of Nursing, and he told me not to worry that he will train me in school of Nursing in Malawi because they have the best nursing school according to him, so I believed him but I never told my parent because they were not Chosen members.

In Chosen, you only believe whatever is going on in your life, only Chosen members must know about it, and anyone who is not a Chosen is a sinner and they will go to hell. Then I hated my parents because of this church, that was why I never listened to them, and I made my passport without telling them.

This man said our traditional marriage will take place which I agreed, but on that day, only one person came which is a man of 23 years old, and my people said that traditional marriage is not done that way, and they said they wanted to see the man because the man never came, he only said there was a call for him to come down to Malawi so I believed him.

Hubby Betrayed Me, I Want a Divorce.

Good morning ma, please I need your advice mothers as the only option I have now is divorce but don't know how to go about it.

My marriage just completed three years last month. I was living in one of the African countries with my husband, and last year I decided to come to Nigeria for my youth service not knowing that will be the end of my once rosy and beautiful marriage.

Hubby Treats me like a Stranger!

Good day ma, you are really doing a wonderful job, may God continue to bless you.

My hubby is making my life miserable by maltreating me. My marriage is going to two years now and I have a nine-months-old-baby.

There is this lady in my church that recently joined us,

I'm Dying of Depression!

Ma'am please I need your advice.... I am at my 32 years old now. In 2016, I got a new job which took me to a very popular city in Nigeria. I stayed with my aunt but after one month of my stay there, I was pleaded by my aunty to introduce me to a guy that was asking her to connect me to his friend that is in search if a wife.

At first I refused because I knew what I was looking for in a man, but later excepted to go on a date with them and I met the man I was introduced to and we both liked ourselves. The next day he asked me out just, the two of us, which I accepted and that was when he told me that he was once married and how badly the lady treated him, and the marriage lasted for just a year before the lady and her family returned her bride price....

I noticed how heartbroken he has been and I decided to love him and make him forget everything.... We talked about our past relationships and I told him I wasn't in any relationship at that time; and that was the honest truth..but he told me after his marriage broke-up that he only sleep with ladies and pay them off, and one lady among the runs girls they use to bring for him was the one he thinks is a nice person, then he asked her to stay with him so he can take care of her.

I asked him why didn't he want to marry her, and he said the way they met and they didn't agree to marry and they were not together anymore..... I accepted

Should I Leave the Marriage if He Insists?

Good day ma!.. I need your advice ASAP..

My hubby (bride price paid only) who I am four months pregnant for works abroad and told me before I accepted him paying my bride price, that when he marries me, we will never be apart.. Anywhere he is...I will be, be it London or Nigeria.. That he doesn't want distance marriage..

I Want to Leave, Please Tell me How!

Good morning ma. Ma, I'm very depressed. Almost suicidal. So many things in my life are not going well. In fact I feel God loves other people more than he loves me. Everything I prayed for, He gives me the direct opposite.

I wanted to be independent before 25, I really wanted to never have to depend on any man. But it's the direct opposite. I feel so so underachieved. I work but I earn so little.

I Regret Getting Married to Him!

Good morning Aunty, please ma I sincerely need an advice from you.

I got married in 2015 to the man I love so much, he is the kind of man I have wished for but last year April he was attacked by mental illness. Thank God he is fine now though
we go to psychiatric hospital every month. He is not working for now and he helps me in my production business, I produce and he does the supply.

But these are my fears:

Heartbroken: What Should I Do to make her Stay?

Goood day ma'am.
Thank for the privilege to talk to you. I am grateful.

I am 28 years of age soon to be 29...I am in love with a female friend of mine.... I reunited with her in 2014 though we were classmates back in secondary school... She was in her finals in the university while I was doing my National Youth Service Corp (NYSC) program...