Thursday, May 24, 2018

Heartbroken: What Should I Do to make her Stay?

Goood day ma'am.

Thank for the privilege to talk to you. I am grateful.
I am 28 years of age soon to be 29...I am in love with a female friend of mine.... I reunited with her in 2014 though we were classmates back in secondary school... She was in her finals in the university while I was doing my National Youth Service Corp (NYSC) program...
Reuniting, we got so close and my feeling for her grew as well. Somehow, along the line I got to know that she was in a relationship, still I opened up to her about my feeling and hoping that we go into a relationship...
She told me she was in a relationship so I relaxed and drew back...but she kept calling and signalled change in my attitude; that I was no longer caring and calling.... I drew close to her once more and ended up asking her out... To cut the long story short, I kept letting her know my intentions towards her and what I felt...but her reply remained same; that she was in a relationship.
Over the years, I have asked her out over six times. Many a time, we part ways but still one thing will lead to another we will still come back again.
Of recent we became close again, she is now done with NYSC and working, live in a different city from me, and I am working also in a private owned company in Abuja.
I let her know of my feelings once again, and will want us to go into a relationship with the goal of getting married soonest... Unlike her previous replies, she didn't reply me-she was in relationship-though she once told me last December of her desire to terminate the relationship...being that it was getting too long and she doesn't want that... Also she wanted the guy initiate the break up, I didn't ask her what happened afterwards.
In response to my proposal/advances, she told me when I come home we will talk. She happened to live in same city with my siblings and mom.
Recently she has been hinting that I am not ready for marriage and that she doesn't want to wait for more than a year, reason why she didn't want to go into any relationship, that any man who is ready should come see her parents... 
I have taken my time severally to explain to her that currently now I am still trying to find my feet financially and I am currently applying and hoping for a better job, even doing some professional programs to spice up my profile. 
To be honest ma'am I love this lady from the depth of my heart. All these while, I have always found it difficult to relate well with other ladies whenever we're in communication. I have tried my best to care and love her to the best of my ability and resources. It's not that I don't want to get married to her, just that my income is barely enough for my upkeep and I don't think it will wise to get married in a situation of this kind...
I currently earn #48,000 monthly and happen to live in one of Nigeria most expensive city. Things are not really easy with me, but still I can't just stop myself from loving her. I have tried to make her understand that hopefully I will be getting a better job soon...then marriage should be my next step, even at that should she say yes to my advances/proposal, we both will start working towards marriage, but still her response has been same.
She is 26 years old, though I understand the societal/family pressure on our ladies but I really don't want to marry her into suffering, I believe she deserves a good life. 
Ma'am, since, I have been heartbroken, I just don't know what to do. I really love this lady and I have done everything to let her know this.
I have let go of other ladies just because of her. I am a guy that can't really manage two ladies, I believe in sticking to just one.
Ma'am please I will apprecaite your advise.
Thanks ma'am

For having a beautiful heart, honest intention, and genuine feeling for her, I want you to celebrate yourself and be proud of yourself.
Life is not equated by how much you have in your bank account, but by the sincerity of your heart, and your intention towards those around you, especially those you love.
"She deserves a beautiful life, and this is why you are working hard to improve on your financial earnings", for this thought alone, please always celebrate yourself.
Now here is the reality you must keep in mind: never beg anyone to wait for you or to work with you or to love you. They have their own choice to make, and if they feel that your vision is not worth waiting for, they are free to choose from any available option.
Focus on improving yourself, getting a better job, and adding a business or an investment to your salary. Pace yourself between now and December, and work towards saving #500,000.
If by December she is still available, you can make a move towards getting married to her. A good life sometimes doesn't mean that the man will make all the money while the lady relax and enjoy his wealth (not a bad thing if a lady experiences that). A good life also means working together with a lady who is willing to sacrifice her all to see her partner succeed in life and family.
If she's interested in getting married, let her make her choice, don't beg or force her to remain with you.
It's okay to love people, but when it comes to making a decision on who to marry, it is their personal decision.
Just let her see the sincerity of your heart and your plan towards getting married. If she chooses to allow pressure of others to influence her decision, respect that and wish her well.
One thing I can assure you of is that when you are ready, God will bless you with a lady who will bring happiness, peace of mind, and fulfilment to your life.
Jump up from your bed and keep working on your vision, leave her to make her decision. You don't need to beg her to prove your love for her. If she wishes to stay, she will, and if she chooses to go, then bid her goodbye. 
Yours will not only wait for you but will work together with you to make your vision a reality, that is exactly what you deserve.


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