Saturday, September 28, 2019

Letter to My Single Sisters

My Dear Sisters,
Some of you may not like me after reading this and some of you will get more confused afterwards as some will try to talk you out of it. But I just have to, as usual, be honest with you because that was my dad’s last word to me before he passed. 

You all know I care so much about you and desire the best for you. Like I always say, marriage is the most beautiful institution on earth. But you have to make sure that you are ready for it and that your would-be-spouse is ready for it. 

I get messages from you asking for prayers to be married or to link you up with a guy. Yes, there are guys waiting for me to matchmake them with a good woman, but it’s been difficult for me. 

Some of you need to take better care of yourselves. When I say ‘take better care of yourselves’, I am not talking about expensive clothes, body cream, and all that. I am talking about you being more in touch with yourself and the environment and using what you have to look good. You cannot be eating like there’s no tomorrow and expect to look good. Eat right. Your tummy cannot be like that and you see it as no big deal. That’s a turn-off for many. 

You cannot be drinking whatever you see and expect to look good. Some of you ask to know what I use on my skin, it’s the things that are available in my kitchen - coffee, honey, sugar, lemon/lime, egg, vinegar milk, chocolate, coconut oil, turmeric, tomatoes... I do not drink alcohol and rarely put soda drinks in my mouth. My drinks are water, coconut water, and freshly made juices and smoothies, and some of my colleagues at work laugh and make mockery of me for that. You can pour all the makeup on your skin but what makes you beautiful is your ability to step out of your home with no foundation on your skin and be admired. Spend more nourishing your skin from the inside out than on makeup. Left for me, makeup manufacturers will close business. 

You cannot be so bitter inside and expect to look good. Hatred, jealousy, and bitterness dry the bones, but a merry heart does good like medicine. You cannot live in unhealthy competition with others and hope to look good. You need to release yourself!

What about your friends? Show me your friends and I will tell you exactly who you are. It’s never wise to go in a chimney while you have white on. I love and care about everyone, but I choose my godly friends and they are just a few and mostly older and wiser than I am. My life is more peaceful that way. Being the face of every party in town and buying “asoebi” every weekend isn’t life. Maybe that’s what fills the empty void in those your friends; is that what will make you fulfilled? What’s your reason for having friends? If your friends don’t help your relationship with God and make you a better person, you don’t need them. 

How do you treat others? Being rude and arrogant does not make you westernized. Using all the ghetto and filthy words does not make you a superwoman. Insulting men all over social media makes you a fool. There is power in your gentility and femininity. You need to guard it with everything you have because that’s where your natural power is. Some of you have lost your glory of womanhood and I pray that God restores it to you. Make it a prayer point today. 

A little more education may help. I am not talking about you enrolling in school. I want you to self-educate yourself. I am not like this because I have a master’s degree; I am like this because I read a lot. Yes, readers are leaders. Instead of wasting your data reading gossip about others, spend it reading meaningful articles and finding answers to those questions you have. Instead of spending too much on some useless things, spend it on books. Brush yourself up; it’s very easy. 

Above all, beloved sisters, there’s something that only the person of the Holy Spirit can do in you. You cannot be that person you truly desire to be without Him. Stop allowing society ladies and celebrities fool you. A good number of them have no peace within. Stop being fooled by the edited pictures you see. Stop getting carried away by rented clothes they wear. Stop envying riches they get from prostitution, occultism, and adultery. Stop being carried away by things they buy with the last money in their bank account, ordinary people out there are often richer than they are. Seek peace with your inner man through the Holy Spirit. Spend time with God and you will see Him renew you daily. Be filled with the joy of the Lord. Be content with whatever you have today. 
Instead of spending time finding men, spend time finding favor with God and when that man finds you, he finds a good thing and obtains favor from God. 
I love you all 

Saturday, June 15, 2019

Barren Relationships


That relationship that

makes you complain all the time, to the point that all your friends and family members know you for that;

makes you cry to sleep all the time because of what the person you are dating does to you and it thereby robs you of peace;

makes you afraid that you will get hurt or hurt yourself or come to sudden harm;

makes you feel depressed and suicidal for a very long time;

makes you compare yourself with other people and makes you push yourself to certain limits just to do things that will appeal to or pacify somebody all the time;

makes you keep adjusting and amending your lifestyle just to suit their fansies;

makes you keep seeking for advice and counsels about how to resolve different kinds of issues;

makes you come before God with guilt all the time and makes you look like a bad sheep before your family members;

is nothing but a barren relationship.

Do you still intend to keep working on it, hoping it will have a turn around and maybe get better?

Why didn't Jesus command that barren tree to bear fruits instead of laying a curse on it? Is it that he hadn't the power to do it? This is someone who made stones ooze out water and made a burning bush to stay unscathed. What will be hard to make a fruitless tree bear fruit? Instead he cursed it and the tree withered by the next day. As the Creator, He believed the tree has had its chance to yield fruit and has till that moment remained unfruitful. So He did away with it!!!

This is what you should do if you are in a fruitless relationship... Matt 3:10 "and now the axe is laid at the fruit of the tree. Any tree that does not bear fruit, is cut down and cast into the furnace."

I am not saying you should not give those relationships chance to get better. You can. But don't over pamper them. If they are just not working and you are getting overworked, instead of waiting for results that aren't forthcoming, TAKE IT DOWN AND WALK ON.

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

Domestic Violence: Proudly Take a Walk

I dedicate this to every strong woman who overcame. We are survivors! For those who are in it, you can choose to live for yourself and your children or go on pleasing the society and giving ears to religious creeds.

He had nothing when they got married. His first set of furniture was bought the week they got married.
Years later, God blessed them, money came.
She became the envy of other woman
She was admired by men, hated by fellow women
They saw the wealth, the beautiful rides in her garage, the designer clothes, shoes, and jewelry.
From one country to the other, she traveled, alone on holiday
To the world, she was having the best time of her life
Little did they know that she had no right to say no to his many beautiful gifts
To him, she was just a trophy, another property of the slave master.

She wore designer shades to church and other events
She wasn't being stylish; she was just covering her scars, the blood spot in her eyes
She loved to wear designer pants without showing off her beautiful legs
Religious folks called her a whore who would never dress like a married woman
She was only covering her scars
She was only telling the society what they want to hear.

Right in her matrimonial bedroom, the women entered
One after the other, married and unmarried
She had no voice, she couldn't shout as that meant days of battering and deprivation
She could only watch and clear up used condoms afterwards

She was dying
Society frowned at divorce
The church would make her a second class citizen and sentence her to eternal death in hell
Her fellow women who before now hated her are waiting to tear her apart
What would she do?
She was dying, drying up
There was no one to cry to
She had to go on as all she would be told was "it is well", "keep praying", "see war room movie"
Her children watched helplessly as their beloved mother daily got battered
They told her to run away
How could she? She loved her children

Alas! She's dead
Murdered in cold blood by the beast
The children are now motherless
The society she lived for now blame her for not running
The church that told her to stay doesn't even care about her children
The children are growing up with the memory that their mother was murdered by a man who should protect and fight for her
From one generation to another, the bitterness flows

Who will help the women?
Will God come down from heaven to do for us, that which He has given us power to do?
It's time to think
It's time to laugh at creeds
It's time to tread on taboos
It's time to stop lending ears to chauvinistic males
It's time to give your shoulder to other women
It's time to deliver yourself
Oh woman.

Sunday, April 14, 2019

She Has Body Odor

Good evening, Madam.
Thanks for this great medium, you are touching people's lives through...
May God continue to bless you mightily, Amen.
Please, I need your advice & that of your good fans on the issue that is bothering me.
I'm a man of 39years & in a 6months relationship with a lady of 29years. We are graduates, Am working - a good job & she's currently a corps member. We love & trust each other, to the length that she even shared with me, her dirtiest secret of having dated a married man with children & I didn't use it against her.
Though, we've not had sex but we flow very well in communication & enjoy our company.
To be frank, I've found happiness & peace in her because of her character - She is sincere, open, real, practical, kind, respectful, loyal & appreciative.
Am intending to propose her after her National Youth service & marry her in December but I just discovered that she has body odour which is turning me off... Though, it's only when she does a hard work & sweat, you will perceive it badly.
Please, do we have remedies for body odour, to enable me help her get rid of it. Thanks for your time.

Dear Sender ,
Quite true; body odor is repulsive and frustrating. It is the bacteria on the skin which mixes with sweat that brings about the odor. When waste products of bacterial metabolism of keratin combines with sweat, it gives off a sulphuric smell as the odor. People with higher keratin secretion will produce more odor. 

Insufficient bathing or poor hygiene can lead to an unpleasant odor secreted by the apocrine glands, located in the underarms, genitals, and around the nipples, and the eccrine glands, found in the underarms, hands, and feet, when they interact with skin bacteria. The sebaceous glands, located in the scalp, face, and chest, produce oil, which has a light odor with or without bacteria. “If people have poor hygiene bacteria can build up on the skin and create more than just bad body odor,” Dr. Jennifer Burns, physician at The Bienetre Center in Phoenix, Ariz.

There are things she can do at home to tackle this

  1. It’s best to splash apple cider vinegar under the arms when she gets out of the shower, but not immediately after she has shaved her underarms. This is safe for the skin as long as it’s unbroken. 
  2. Baking soda does wonder when it comes to body odor. She should mix with lemon juice and water and apply before shower. 
  3. Drinking green tea regularly will help her
  4. Foods like orange, lemon, seafood, and yogurts will help 
  5. She can mix mild quantity of hydrogen peroxide with bathing water, or drop a piece of alum in her water. 
  6. Shave her underarm and genital hair 
  7. Above all, maintaining a high level of hygiene is required. She should change her clothes and under garments often.

Encourage her to take these steps. I am happy to know that you want to help her rather than considering it as a reason to walk away. 

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Domestic Violence

Good morning Ma, please i need your advice to guide my next step.
I got married to a young and beautiful lady.She is well behaved,a very good cook and very neat in all areas.
On my own part,i have temper issues which I've been trying so hard to fight,a lot of women have left me because of the anger issue.
My wife is emotionally strong, she doesn't allow certain things to bother her, she will never frown, she will never cry and she won't complain, she'll just keep silent and press the ignore button.
We got into an argument last year December,i got angry and slapped her, she didn't complain, she didn't cry, but later in the night, she just walked up to me and said that when next i lay my hands on her that she will leave,abort the fresh pregnancy and nothing will ever make her return, but i didn't understand the statement until the 2nd of this month,i got angry and slapped her, she still did not say anything,so later i apologized to her and she accepted. I left to my place of work the next day and on getting back,i couldn't find her and her bags, everything she came with even the things she bought in the marriage including combs,spoons,bed spread,brooms,buckets, she left with everything she bought with her money. I got confused and called her line but it was off,i called her elder sister and she said am talking rubbish,i called her brother and he said i must be joking that i should provide their sister.
So after much long story,i went to her parents and asked for forgiveness and i was told to bring my people, when we got there they said their daughter said that she can't continue with the marriage that i may kill her one day,so she better remain single and alive that she can't tolerate such from any man.
Like play like play,they said they want to return the bride price because they've talked to her and she refused. I cried,my parents begged her but she said never.
Please,help me because i can't let her go,no woman will take care of me the way she does.
Thanks you Ma.

Dear Sender,
I feel for you at this time and I hope God hears you. But I also want you to know that your wife is too precious to God that He will not allow her lose her life to a man that can not control his emotions.
Instead of asking for your wife to come back, I think you should focus more on working on yourself as her coming back won’t make you change. She is a good woman who has left you just like many other women did because they wouldn’t want to end up in the grave before time. Sign up for anger management classes with a counselor. Prayerfully work on yourself before asking her to come back. Who knows? God may work on her and she’ll come back to you, but you have to change first. I have seen people reunite after bride price is returned and divorce completed.
All you need now is that change that only the Holy Spirit can bring, plus anger management sessions. I wish I can talk to your wife, but it would be wicked of me to talk her into her death.

This is a big lesson for every violent man out there. Whether you abuse her physically or emotionally, a day will come that you’ll lose that woman. When a woman begins to act like there’s no problem, you no longer exist in her heart and that’s when you should be worried because it’s signifies the beginning of an end.
Repent today if you don’t want to lose that good woman. When she’s gone, only God can bring her back if it’s in His will. You can scream hell down and use all sorts of blackmail; she won’t look back.

Thursday, February 7, 2019

Spirit Spouse: How Real is it?


This is one of the hottest discusions in several religious circles, particularly christianity or rather christendom, traditional, and eastern religions.

There are three major opinions that exist around the issue.. 

It is real
It does not exist
Neutral about it and have nothing to say

As a believer, I also have an opinion and want to believe that my opinion is well backed by scriptures. There are certain conditions that people find themselves which make those that believe in it to suggest that such one has a spiritual spouse
-When you are unmarried till a very advanced age
-When you are unable to maintain one relationship all through life or you have multiple divorce cases
-When your relationship that should end in marriage suddenly crashes and it repeats itself
- When you are a victim of domestic violence and its termed that your spiritual spouse is trying to destroy your relationship or marriage.
- When as a woman, you experience miscarriages, still births, barreness, or you give birth to children with queer character
- When as a man, you have difficult financial situations, failure to maintain your role as head of the home, ill-luck in keeping a job, impotency, etc
- When as a woman, though married, you still attract a lot of men, or you are unmarried and only married men come around you and they usually demand sex...; the list is endless.

Don’t forget; as a believer, I have my own opinion too. 

It is in the bible that I see a woman who Jesus spoke with at a well. She has had six husbands and was living with the seventh. But to my amazement, Jesus didn't say she had a spiritual husband and then booked her for deliverance. He merely brought salvation to her and she was ok.

Still in the scriptures, Tamar had married the two sons of Judah who had died and she gave them no child. Yet when she disguised as a prostitute and Judah unknowingly slept with her, she bore him a child. She wasn't said to have had a spiritual husband.

Still in the bible, Jesus spoke about a woman who married seven brothers. Each of the men died one after the other and none had a child with her till she herself also died. I hoped to see where Jesus related it to a spiritual spouse case, but I saw none.

Still in the bible, Ruth and her sister married the two sons of Naomi who had died. One would have thought that these two ladies came with spirit husbands from their Canaanite home. Yet the same Ruth married Boaz and had children for him. She was David's great grandmother and Jesus came from her lineage.

We also see in the scriptures that many women including Sarah, Manoah's wife, Elizabeth, Hannah, Rachel, etc were barren for a long time till the Lord opened their womb. No spiritual husband mentioned.

And there are so many more. 

What I think is that the situation refered to as spirit spouse syndrome is just one of those earthly challenges that people experience. Some overcome it and some dont just as with every other human challenge. It's just like where one has looked for a job for years and finally gets one after years of believing he or she would.

I know there are cases of spirit-human sexual relationships reported in the bible, such as when angels came down from heaven and had sexual relations with the daughters of men, but those reports had it that the angels came in physical forms of men wheras the spiritual spouse case is a situation totally different in that the spouse is never seen but only believed to be very much in existence and in control.

I know many such people who were said to have spiritual spouses overcome that trend to the chagrin of those that say they have spiritual spouse.

Late marriage, barreness and all those cases usually refered to as spiritual spouse bound, are mere human challenges.

I also know that the forces of darkness is responsible for a good number of human challenges, just as the ones Jesus dealt with directly and that is why Paul told us that we wrestle not with flesh and blood but with spiritual wickedness...and these situations can be dealt with through simple prayers, sometimes fasting, positive confessions, and faith in the word of God. But the spirit-spouse syndrome is a barbaric allusion that is deeply rooted  in ignorance and superstition. 

Many people have, out of fear, been defrauded, sexually molested and even used as sex slaves in the pursuit of ending such cases believed to be spirit-spouse syndrome in so-called deliverance and prayer houses. Many marriages have even been totally shattered through such deliverance ministrations.

What do you think dear reader? Don’t tel me what your prayer contractors said; tell me what the Bible says. 

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Married Women and Sex

Dear Men,
It is not enough to just complain about your wife denying you sex or not showing any attraction to you during sexual intercourse. 
Inasmuch as I am against that, I want to ask you a question- Have you tried to find out the actual reason for that? 
Women are very emotional beings and from my experience in counseling, I can authoritatively tell you that a good number of women are dying in silence. Now, don’t tell me that you are the best thing to ever happen to your wife because it’s possible I have your name in my inbox from your wife and she has a lot to lament on. 
What is your relationship like? Are you one of those men who believe that the women should have no sexual feeling? Are you one of those ignorant men who believe that sex for her should be for procreation only? Are you one of those who believe that if a woman asks for some good sex styles, she’s demon-possessed or seeing another man outside? Do you believe that since she’s not giving you sex, her heart is somewhere else? You need to get out of that mindset. 

Let me tell you some of the reasons why she is withdrawn 

1. No Intimacy: If all you do is bang and release with no consideration of her own feelings and satisfaction, you will lose her with time. She’ll get to that point where she sees sex with you as nothing but hard work. At this point, she begins to have sex with you because it’s her duty as your wife and not because she enjoys it. If you have the money, take her to a serene place and have a heart to heart talk with her. I’m sure if the two of you spend some time away from your children and family, some spark will come back into your marriage (if other areas are taken care of).

  1. No Love Shown: The atmosphere you want at dusk is created at dawn, is a popular saying. You cannot be slave master in the day only to turn around and become a lover-boy during sex. You cannot talk to her like a piece of wood without feelings and expect her to be a woman with feelings. The woman you will have at night is made during the day. 

  1. Stress: Gone are the days when women were made to sit at home as full time housewives; even full-time housewives and moms have their plate full on daily basis. We have more women in the workforce than it used to be. Your wife goes to work just like you and she goes through the same kind of stress you go through at work. But on getting home, you cross your legs in front of television and even though you got home before her, she has to come back and serve the master without you doing anything to help ease her stress. She stays on her feet from the moment she gets home until bedtime when nature calls and her entire body is weak. How do you expect this woman to be your “Sharon  Stone” in bed? It’s impossible sir. If you love her, you will do everything you can to make things less stressful for her. Being a good cook, I feed my family well and I encourage every woman to be the main chef in her home, but real men still go to the kitchen to fix meals for their family; my dad did that for us once every week. He thought me how to make the popular Edikaikong soup. You can fix your wife dinner. Even if you don’t know how to cook, just make it fun. 

  1. Criticism: What words do you put in her ears? She cannot be free with you if all you do is criticize and put her down. You can’t call her fat, ugly, local, backward, and the likes all day and then turn around to savor her body at night. She’s troubled by your negative words to her and until you fix that, nothing will change sexually.

  1. Some women lose interest in sex as a result of childbirth. She can’t really control it. Encourage her to eat more of foods that will help her sex life. Others have ears to those old-wives-tale about sex being demonic, bla-bla-bla, and so they go into marriage with that mindset, afraid of sex. Counseling and therapy will help as well. 

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

How do I unload these Garbage in my Life?

Good evening Aunty Amara, how are you doing and how is your family? 
I will be needing advice on some cases because I don't want to go into new year with some stuffs

  1. When my husband and I was dating, he would bath three to five times a day during summer, while winter is two times a day, now he bath only two times in a week.

  1. He was the most gentle and calmest person I have been with, truthful, faithful and kind to everyone but now he has become an aggressive, rude liar, when given cash to do something he would not do it but use the money and when asked, he will start yelling. 

I'm Losing my Mind: He doesn't Allow me to do Anything!

I'm 28 years and I've been married for two years now, still trying to conceive (TTC). I was working before I got married, and eight months after our wedding my husband asked me to resign and relocate cos we weren't in the same state, but before I resigned I told him I wouldn't want to be idle when I resign which he agreed. 

Tuesday, November 6, 2018

Faithfulness in Little Beginning!

Sometime in 2016, a coworker, during lunch break, lamented to me. She’s labored all her life with nothing to show for it. Her greatest need then was to buy her own home. Her landlord was making life difficult for her. As we talked, the Spirit of the Lord dropped a word in my heart. I turned to her and was like, “Ms. Nancy (not real name), can I ask you a very honest question? How well do you take care of another’s property? She didn’t get it initially; I explained further. “How faithful have you been with the little God has blessed you with? Are you aware there are people living in shelters? Have you taken good care of the house you live in as you would yours?

Thursday, November 1, 2018

I am Lonely in my Marriage:No Affection, No Attention!

Good morning everyone, please I will like you guys to advice me like you would advice your own sister...
I and my husband are from Nigeria but we reside in South Africa.. We dated for few months before he came to Nigeria to marry me and made papers for me to join him in S.A..
We live in a 2-bedroom apartment here but we only occupied one because one of my husband's friend that is a divorcee stays in the other room, they pay the house rent together. 
I have two kids already, I have told my husband to look for another apartment at least so that we can have our privacy as husband and wife, he refused saying he doesn't have money.. 

Saturday, October 13, 2018

How do I Overcome my Phobia for Women?

I have this burning issue that has been hanging around me for a long time now, and whenever I remember it, affects my thinking............... 
Four years ago when I was still in school, precisely in my third year, I met a girl, not as a date but I met her during her registeration because she was finding it difficult to arrange her files, so I volunteerd and helped her. 
After the whole process was done, we then exchange contacts; thereafter, she kept calling me whenever she run into any difficulty. 
One day, at about 10am, as I was in class taking lectures, she called me that she didn't come to school because she is sick, so I left school immediately and went to see her. 

Friday, October 12, 2018

Depressed; I Need Help!

Good morning Amara,

My name is... I am 35 years old and still single. I am a graduate of ... and have been working as ... in a private company for the past 6 years. I am the ... child in a family of ...

I am writing to you because i need help. I am depressed.

1. I grew up in a very abusive home where my mother was a punching bag for my father. My mother stayed back in the marriage and today they are living together peacefully but i think what happened those days affected me somehow in ways i cannot explain.

Sunday, October 7, 2018

Know Your Spouse; Enjoy Intimacy

A good number of women feel that men should know how to make love to a lady and most times, they get disappointed. A good number of men expect their wives to be super hot in bed, but she turns out to be frigid, cold, and simply managing sexual intimacy. Out of displeasure, many have introduced a lot of deception and manipulation to sex making it more like competition for the men and a boring duty for women.
Men watch pornography and then treat their wives like animals while thrusting. Wives, on the other hand, are so busy with their children, career, church, and friends that they no longer have enough time to enjoy genuine intimacy with their husbands. They are no longer making efforts to satisfy him (though many cannot be satisfied as they want the woman to become their sex slave).

Sunday, September 23, 2018

I Feel like Calling off the Marriage! Help me!

Good afternoon ma, thanks for this platform. Please this is really urgent ma, please help me post I beg you. 
Ma, I couldn't sleep all night, I am planning my marriage(trad) and boo isn't in Nigeria. When they came for introduction they had a heated argument with my family over beer because they came with malt only, I had to call my older cousins and gave them money for drinks for peace to reign. 
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