Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Married Women and Sex

Dear Men,
It is not enough to just complain about your wife denying you sex or not showing any attraction to you during sexual intercourse. 
Inasmuch as I am against that, I want to ask you a question- Have you tried to find out the actual reason for that? 
Women are very emotional beings and from my experience in counseling, I can authoritatively tell you that a good number of women are dying in silence. Now, don’t tell me that you are the best thing to ever happen to your wife because it’s possible I have your name in my inbox from your wife and she has a lot to lament on. 
What is your relationship like? Are you one of those men who believe that the women should have no sexual feeling? Are you one of those ignorant men who believe that sex for her should be for procreation only? Are you one of those who believe that if a woman asks for some good sex styles, she’s demon-possessed or seeing another man outside? Do you believe that since she’s not giving you sex, her heart is somewhere else? You need to get out of that mindset. 

Let me tell you some of the reasons why she is withdrawn 

1. No Intimacy: If all you do is bang and release with no consideration of her own feelings and satisfaction, you will lose her with time. She’ll get to that point where she sees sex with you as nothing but hard work. At this point, she begins to have sex with you because it’s her duty as your wife and not because she enjoys it. If you have the money, take her to a serene place and have a heart to heart talk with her. I’m sure if the two of you spend some time away from your children and family, some spark will come back into your marriage (if other areas are taken care of).

  1. No Love Shown: The atmosphere you want at dusk is created at dawn, is a popular saying. You cannot be slave master in the day only to turn around and become a lover-boy during sex. You cannot talk to her like a piece of wood without feelings and expect her to be a woman with feelings. The woman you will have at night is made during the day. 

  1. Stress: Gone are the days when women were made to sit at home as full time housewives; even full-time housewives and moms have their plate full on daily basis. We have more women in the workforce than it used to be. Your wife goes to work just like you and she goes through the same kind of stress you go through at work. But on getting home, you cross your legs in front of television and even though you got home before her, she has to come back and serve the master without you doing anything to help ease her stress. She stays on her feet from the moment she gets home until bedtime when nature calls and her entire body is weak. How do you expect this woman to be your “Sharon  Stone” in bed? It’s impossible sir. If you love her, you will do everything you can to make things less stressful for her. Being a good cook, I feed my family well and I encourage every woman to be the main chef in her home, but real men still go to the kitchen to fix meals for their family; my dad did that for us once every week. He thought me how to make the popular Edikaikong soup. You can fix your wife dinner. Even if you don’t know how to cook, just make it fun. 

  1. Criticism: What words do you put in her ears? She cannot be free with you if all you do is criticize and put her down. You can’t call her fat, ugly, local, backward, and the likes all day and then turn around to savor her body at night. She’s troubled by your negative words to her and until you fix that, nothing will change sexually.

  1. Some women lose interest in sex as a result of childbirth. She can’t really control it. Encourage her to eat more of foods that will help her sex life. Others have ears to those old-wives-tale about sex being demonic, bla-bla-bla, and so they go into marriage with that mindset, afraid of sex. Counseling and therapy will help as well. 

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

How do I unload these Garbage in my Life?

Good evening Aunty Amara, how are you doing and how is your family? 
I will be needing advice on some cases because I don't want to go into new year with some stuffs

  1. When my husband and I was dating, he would bath three to five times a day during summer, while winter is two times a day, now he bath only two times in a week.

  1. He was the most gentle and calmest person I have been with, truthful, faithful and kind to everyone but now he has become an aggressive, rude liar, when given cash to do something he would not do it but use the money and when asked, he will start yelling. 

I'm Losing my Mind: He doesn't Allow me to do Anything!

I'm 28 years and I've been married for two years now, still trying to conceive (TTC). I was working before I got married, and eight months after our wedding my husband asked me to resign and relocate cos we weren't in the same state, but before I resigned I told him I wouldn't want to be idle when I resign which he agreed. 

Tuesday, November 6, 2018

Faithfulness in Little Beginning!

Sometime in 2016, a coworker, during lunch break, lamented to me. She’s labored all her life with nothing to show for it. Her greatest need then was to buy her own home. Her landlord was making life difficult for her. As we talked, the Spirit of the Lord dropped a word in my heart. I turned to her and was like, “Ms. Nancy (not real name), can I ask you a very honest question? How well do you take care of another’s property? She didn’t get it initially; I explained further. “How faithful have you been with the little God has blessed you with? Are you aware there are people living in shelters? Have you taken good care of the house you live in as you would yours?

Thursday, November 1, 2018

I am Lonely in my Marriage:No Affection, No Attention!

Good morning everyone, please I will like you guys to advice me like you would advice your own sister...
I and my husband are from Nigeria but we reside in South Africa.. We dated for few months before he came to Nigeria to marry me and made papers for me to join him in S.A..
We live in a 2-bedroom apartment here but we only occupied one because one of my husband's friend that is a divorcee stays in the other room, they pay the house rent together. 
I have two kids already, I have told my husband to look for another apartment at least so that we can have our privacy as husband and wife, he refused saying he doesn't have money.. 

Saturday, October 13, 2018

How do I Overcome my Phobia for Women?

I have this burning issue that has been hanging around me for a long time now, and whenever I remember it, affects my thinking............... 
Four years ago when I was still in school, precisely in my third year, I met a girl, not as a date but I met her during her registeration because she was finding it difficult to arrange her files, so I volunteerd and helped her. 
After the whole process was done, we then exchange contacts; thereafter, she kept calling me whenever she run into any difficulty. 
One day, at about 10am, as I was in class taking lectures, she called me that she didn't come to school because she is sick, so I left school immediately and went to see her. 

Friday, October 12, 2018

Depressed; I Need Help!

Good morning Amara,

My name is... I am 35 years old and still single. I am a graduate of ... and have been working as ... in a private company for the past 6 years. I am the ... child in a family of ...

I am writing to you because i need help. I am depressed.

1. I grew up in a very abusive home where my mother was a punching bag for my father. My mother stayed back in the marriage and today they are living together peacefully but i think what happened those days affected me somehow in ways i cannot explain.

Sunday, October 7, 2018

Know Your Spouse; Enjoy Intimacy

A good number of women feel that men should know how to make love to a lady and most times, they get disappointed. A good number of men expect their wives to be super hot in bed, but she turns out to be frigid, cold, and simply managing sexual intimacy. Out of displeasure, many have introduced a lot of deception and manipulation to sex making it more like competition for the men and a boring duty for women.
Men watch pornography and then treat their wives like animals while thrusting. Wives, on the other hand, are so busy with their children, career, church, and friends that they no longer have enough time to enjoy genuine intimacy with their husbands. They are no longer making efforts to satisfy him (though many cannot be satisfied as they want the woman to become their sex slave).

Sunday, September 23, 2018

I Feel like Calling off the Marriage! Help me!

Good afternoon ma, thanks for this platform. Please this is really urgent ma, please help me post I beg you. 
Ma, I couldn't sleep all night, I am planning my marriage(trad) and boo isn't in Nigeria. When they came for introduction they had a heated argument with my family over beer because they came with malt only, I had to call my older cousins and gave them money for drinks for peace to reign. 

My Girlfriend Doesn't Love me Anymore.

Ma, I discovered my girlfriend doesn't love me again. There's this guy that has been disturbing her, I embarrassed courtesy by going through her phone and I discovered she's responding very well to the guy. She has even given him a pet name, though the guy is residing in another state. When she was telling me about the guy, she said she met him on transit from the east.

Sunday, September 16, 2018

How Do I Prevent Him from Having Access to my Son?

Greetings to you ma, please I really need your advice. I met a guy last two years through his elder sister, the guy promised to marry me, and came to my house and paid some dues and got me pregnant. I had a male child, and he abandoned me and the baby. I have been the one taking care of my baby's upkeep with the help of my parents. 
He refused to complete the bride price and the wedding.
He told me that he's based in London but I just found out that

Saturday, September 15, 2018

Psychologically Unstable: How Do I Move on Without Him?

Aunty Amara, good morning. I'm a big fan of your page, please I need help.
I'm literally going crazy.
I met this guy on Facebook in 2015 ending... He finished from the secondary school I did JSS1-3. He's quite older than I am, like say I'm 21 now and he's 36. He's actually a nice, loving and caring guy. I initially didn't want to give my all In since it was just a Facebook friend. (I wasn't in the country as of then) and he called everyday and night.. That kind of persistency, I gave in about five months later... I fell madly in love with this guy despite the distance, he was on and serious for marriage and I was just 17+ and in medical school, he said he was going to wait,... 
Now the major problem, I'm Yoruba while he's Igbo. I'm Redeemed and he's Catholic... 

Heartbroken: Never Loved a Lady That Much.

Thanks much for your advise the other time...I really appreciate. 
You see, that lady I told you about eventually said YES and we both started a relationship afterwards as we progress, I did all I could to make her happy, care and lots more....but the relationship was one sided, I was the one doing everything to make it work but she wasn't sure of we both being together. She asked me to give her time for her to grow in love...which I agreed. Many a time, she will blow cold, I'II ask her if there was any problem or is there anything I did wrong or not doing right....she will reply me that she wasn't convinced yet and haven't gotten a revelation from God, as a result she is not yet opened.

Saturday, September 8, 2018

After Six years of Marriage, He Sent me Packing!

Good evening ma. I'm the lady that sent you a message on the 20th of Feb 2016 concerning my marriage( me believing God for the fruit of the womb). 
Ma, I've been told there's fibroid that needs to be removed, but my husband refused saying I have marine spirit because his family said so.

Sunday, September 2, 2018

Marriage: Never a Barrier to a Fulfilled Life

Marriage is a beautiful, in fact, the most beautiful experience after salvation of ones soul from eternal damnation. It’s beautiful when you meet someone who supports you, believes in you, and shares values with you, it feels absolutely great. The blessings of having a wonderful spouse in your life is endless and anyone who desires a happy marriage desires something glorious and wonderful.

However, there has been an increase in desperation, panic, fear, and anxiety just because we have to get married by all means. The society, especially Africa, isn’t helping issues at all.

Sometimes we see those subtle signs, warnings, negative vibes, and red flags indicating possible catastrophe in getting married to that person, but we let societal pressure and lust force us into it. Some have paused their career, ambition, dream, vision, and their life simply because they are not married or they don't have a man/woman to call their own. You sacrifice everything, lose your common sense,
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