Common Sense in Marriage and Relationship

 Common Sense Tips in Marriages/Relationships

🔹When funds dwindle or financial capacity is weak, family planning should be adopted and child bearing should be stopped. 

Why? Children are blessings from the Lord. Blessings with huge financial implications. Simply put, raising children will cost you a hand and a leg. You don't bring them into the world when you don't have the capacity to give them your best. 

🔹When abuse becomes inevitable , quitting should become a necessity. 

Why? The moment you set out to forgive and tolerate abuse or abusive tendencies, you create a new environment that endorses, enforces, and enables abuse. Simply put, forgiveness doesn't stop an abuser from abusing, instead it enables an abuser to abuse his or her victim knowing that there's no consequences for his/her actions. 

🔹Red flags don't get better with tolerance. 

Why? Red flags are simply those attributes or traits that trigger your brain  into emotional or psychological distress. They're your brains support mechanism designed to protect you or prevent you from going into depression, anxiety, or emotional/psychological breakdown. The moment you ignore them or tolerate them, you create a suppression mechanism that may never stand the test of time. Because what you can't cope with doesn't get better with time. 

🔹If you don't have the mental, emotional, and financial capacity to lead a married life, don't get married. 

Why? Promises do fail. Plans do change. Intentions do crumble . Humans do evolve. You don't walk into marriage with the hope of eternal life and happily ever after. You plan, prepare, and negotiate your way into a healthy and sane marriage. With adequate preparation, you are one step ahead of any challenges a marriage may bring your way. And when things don't work as expected, you are not left stranded or hopeless. 

🔹When you find yourself in a relationship/marital mess, cut your losses as soon as possible. 

Why? Forgiveness is a good virtue, not like we have any alternative. But forgiveness without strategic projection is foolishness. If he's irresponsible, stop popping babies. If she's abusive, stop popping babies.If both parties can't lead a healthy and sane marriage, stop popping babies. If your marriage is run by pastors and relatives, please stop popping babies. More babies in a dysfunctional marriage will only make things more complex. 

🔹What actions can't prove, your brain shouldn't hold unto them.

Why? Words are cheap. Cheaper than your life. Cheaper than your emotion. Anyone can make promises and speak eloquently, but only through actions are words established. Words become flesh through actions Promises come alive through actions. If it was not lived, it shouldn't be written nor held unto. 

🔹Promises made during a pleasure ride is only as valid as the orgasm lasts. 

Why? During a pleasure ride, all that matters is orgasm. Every other thing is secondary. That's how the brain was wired to work. Now you know. If you want to have an objective discussion/negotiation with your partner, it shouldn't be done with a glass of alcohol nor during coitus, in your best interest that is. 

... But there's a problem, those in love rarely have an objective sense of reasoning because the desire to make the best of the relationship/marriage overwhelms the cognitive capacity of making objective decisions at critical stages/moments in their relationship/marriage. 

Married or Single?

My Dear Brothers,

I decided to say this today because it’s getting out of hand, especially among Nigerian men. I know you won’t like me for this, but it’s okay; I’m used to not being liked...LOL. 

It is 100% wrong, unacceptable, and demeaning to your partner in marriage or in a relationship for you to flirt with every woman you see. Watch your actions on social media. Watch the kind of comments you throw out on pictures of other women. Watch the kind of chats you engage in via WhatsApp and co. Watch the way you stray into their inbox with the compliments. Some of the foolish girls even send you their nude pictures and all that. What do you think their intentions are? 

Watch! Watch! Watch! 

Man or woman, there is a limit to freedom once you become married or in a serious relationship. Yes, you don’t have to lose your individuality, but you will definitely lose some of it. You cannot be married and keep living single. You are either married or single, except you and your wife agreed to an open relationship. Don’t tell me you do nothing with them; you are doing everything with them and publicly disrespecting your spouse. I know what this does to a woman because I was once there and I am happy I took myself out of the mess. It turns a woman to a laughing stock among her peers. Don’t you have the word ‘shameful’ in your dictionary? 

Change your ways!

Show some respect to your woman! 

Be married or stay single!

Marrying a Liability?

The popular slogan in town is that no man wants to marry a liability; that’s okay. I also agree that a man shouldn't marry a liability. Now today's woman understands that she ought not go into marriage empty handed as she might indeed be a liability both to the man and to herself.

But then, a good number of my fellow women miss a mark at this point. They are preparing not to be a man's liability, without taking into account what some men mean when they say they don't want to marry a liability. We have so many lazy men. Majority of them are boaters. They don't have as much as they claim they do. They are smart and know the hard working ladies. They scoop them off their feet and bath them with heavy romance. With the little they have, they do wonderful things for you.

They take you out, buy you expensive gifts and give you a treat of a life time. They give you the impression they are doing well in career or business, but things just suddenly began to get awful. Sooner or later, they begin to milk you. They will get you to fund their business. Get you to rent and fix their apartments. Before you know it, you are buying property in their name. Some will end up marrying you, but it's all because of your asset. Infact, you will even gladly contribute heavily towards funding your marriage ceremony, after all, its your marriage too.

Without knowing it, you that doesn't want to be the liability; you that is working your life dry just to be financially independent, has actually married a liability, who is partially or totally dependent on you. After marriage, you begin to pay the bills and still enable him with a suatainance budget.

Don't be any man's liability and don't allow any man be your liability too. Be financially independent and be sure you are also marrying a financially dependent man. Never forget: He is the provider, you are his helpmate. 

Married Women and Sex

Dear Men,

It is not enough to just complain about your wife denying you sex or not showing any attraction to you during sexual intercourse. 

Inasmuch as I am against that, I want to ask you a question- Have you tried to find out the actual reason for that? 

Women are very emotional beings and from my experience in counseling, I can authoritatively tell you that a good number of women are dying in silence. Now, don’t tell me that you are the best thing to ever happen to your wife because it’s possible I have your name in my inbox from your wife and she has a lot to lament on. 

What is your relationship like? Are you one of those men who believe that the women should have no sexual feeling? Are you one of those ignorant men who believe that sex for her should be for procreation only? Are you one of those who believe that if a woman asks for some good sex styles, she’s demon-possessed or seeing another man outside? Do you believe that since she’s not giving you sex, her heart is somewhere else? You need to get out of that mindset. 

Let me tell you some of the reasons why she is withdrawn 

1. No Intimacy: If all you do is bang and release with no consideration of her own feelings and satisfaction, you will lose her with time. She’ll get to that point where she sees sex with you as nothing but hard work. At this point, she begins to have sex with you because it’s her duty as your wife and not because she enjoys it. If you have the money, take her to a serene place and have a heart to heart talk with her. I’m sure if the two of you spend some time away from your children and family, some spark will come back into your marriage (if other areas are taken care of).

2. No Love Shown: The atmosphere you want at dusk is created at dawn, is a popular saying. You cannot be slave master in the day only to turn around and become a lover-boy during sex. You cannot talk to her like a piece of wood without feelings and expect her to be a woman with feelings. The woman you will have at night is made during the day. 

3. Stress: Gone are the days when women were made to sit at home as full time housewives; even full-time housewives and moms have their plate full on daily basis. We have more women in the workforce than it used to be. Your wife goes to work just like you and she goes through the same kind of stress you go through at work. But on getting home, you cross your legs in front of television and even though you got home before her, she has to come back and serve the master without you doing anything to help ease her stress. She stays on her feet from the moment she gets home until bedtime when nature calls and her entire body is weak. How do you expect this woman to be your “Sharon  Stone” in bed? It’s impossible sir. If you love her, you will do everything you can to make things less stressful for her. Being a good cook, I feed my family well and I encourage every woman to be the main chef in her home, but real men still go to the kitchen to fix meals for their family; my dad did that for us once every week. He thought me how to make the popular Edikaikong soup. You can fix your wife dinner. Even if you don’t know how to cook, just make it fun. 

4. Criticism: What words do you put in her ears? She cannot be free with you if all you do is criticize and put her down. You can’t call her fat, ugly, local, backward, and the likes all day and then turn around to savor her body at night. She’s troubled by your negative words to her and until you fix that, nothing will change sexually.

5. Some women lose interest in sex as a result of childbirth. She can’t really control it. Encourage her to eat more of foods that will help her sex life. Others have ears to those old-wives-tale about sex being demonic, bla-bla-bla, and so they go into marriage with that mindset, afraid of sex. Counseling and therapy will help as well. 

How do I unload these Garbage in my Life?

Good evening Aunty Amara, how are you doing and how is your family? 

I will be needing advice on some cases because I don't want to go into new year with some stuffs

1. When my husband and I was dating, he would bath three to five times a day during summer, while winter is two times a day, now he bath only two times in a week.

2. He was the most gentle and calmest person I have been with, truthful, faithful and kind to everyone but now he has become an aggressive, rude liar, when given cash to do something he would not do it but use the money and when asked, he will start yelling.