Thursday, June 7, 2018

I Regret Getting Married to Him!

Good morning Aunty, please ma I sincerely need an advice from you.
I got married in 2015 to the man I love so much, he is the kind of man I have wished for but last year April he was attacked by mental illness. Thank God he is fine now though
we go to psychiatric hospital every month. He is not working for now and he helps me in my production business, I produce and he does the supply.
But these are my fears:

1). How to pay his hospital bill every month

2). Will it be passed to our child because we have a son now

3). Can he be cured completely, have you seen, heard or read?

4). Can he get a Job? He is a graduate, and works with construction company but no contract since that 2015-two months after our marriage-till now so most of their workers are off.

Now my biggest problem is regret, I feel like why me, my family is not aware of this because I came from a polygamous family. As for his family, they are not helping matters, aunty I am alone with God.
Please talk to me like your daughter, help me out, may God use you as an instrument of peace. Sorry I forgot, he told me about the illness before we married, he said it happened to him 2009 but he said it was an attack.
I asked questions about his family, I was told nothing like that (they don't have mental illness ).
I feel like leaving my marriage but can't cos I still love him.

I wish I could give you a big hug and assure you that your sacrifices are not in vain. 
Your questions are valid, your fears are legitimate, and your love for this man is indeed genuine. 
Truth is, life throws so many things at us, and no matter how careful we might be, we will never escape the unpleasant and unpalatable experiences of humanity. 
A handsome young man full of life may drop down with a terminal disease or infection. A gorgeous lady may lose her beauty to fire, accident or even death. 
We cannot predict the future, but we can make the most of the moment and appreciate those ones who are dear to us. 
I want to celebrate you for your uncommon love for your husband in spite of all you have endured with him. 
Let me try to attempt your question. 
1. How do you pay his medical bills? 
Since both of you work together in your business, I will suggest that you expand your business, give him little responsibility and work with him. Look beyond making money and build a healthy relationship with him. Take things easy on him, and make sure that the environment is healthy for him. 
With his support you can produce more and he will reach out to more customers, and that means more income for bills and family. 

2. Will it be passed to your children? 
Not all mental issues are hereditary, meaning that some don't run in the family but maybe caused during childbirth, substance abuse or genetic malformation. 
The nature of his mental illness and genetic history of his family will to a large extent determine whether it is transferable or not. 
If from investigation it doesn't run in his family, it is most unlikely that it will be transferred to your children. 

3. Can he be cured completely? 
This also depends on the nature of the mental illness, the part of the brain involved, and the effectiveness of the drugs that he takes. 
Mental illness can be managed adequately with proper medication and recommendation from a psychiatrist. 
All he needs is to take his medications regularly and avoid every/any trigger that may cause mental instability to him. 
There are some supplements that helps the brain, and regenerates the body, he might consider them in addition to a psychiatrist recommendation. 

4. Can he get a Job? 
The nature of his illness, the kind of reaction he displays when he has a mental relapse will determine to a large extent the kind or nature of job to do at this point in his life. 
Again, his age and strength also plays a role in his choice of job and what he should do for a living. 
If I were to suggest, I would say that it would be better for him to learn a skill or a business and then focus on it instead of looking for a job.

This will avail him the opportunity to observe himself, and also give you the room to support him whenever he's down. 
At this point in your journey, it will do you a lot of good to accept that your husband has a mental illness, and then give him all the support he needs to get better. 

If, and only if he is violent or threatens your life when he experiences mental relapse, then you may need to consider your safety and that of your child. 
But if he is able to manage himself or control his reaction, then you can work with him to get better. 
It's perfectly fine to feel like leaving him or running away from him, but as long as we are humans, we will never run away from unpleasant life experiences such as you are experiencing with your husband. It may appear in form of sickness, poverty, delay, illness, or any other inconveniences of human beings. 

You must decide to be strong in yourself, and have the self-will to support him even when it is inconvenient for you. 
If he could fix himself, I'm so sure he would fix himself but this is his own battle and cross to live with, and I guess his question is 'will you love me through this mental battle of my life?'. 
I know that it is not an easy experience, but I pray for wisdom, strength, grace, and maturity to manage this situation and help him overcome his mental problem.

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