Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Hubby Betrayed Me, I Want a Divorce.

Good morning ma, please I need your advice mothers as the only option I have now is divorce but don't know how to go about it.
My marriage just completed three years last month. I was living in one of the African countries with my husband, and last year I decided to come to Nigeria for my youth service not knowing that will be the end of my once rosy and beautiful marriage.
My husband is a very kind and caring man, even though he has some small flaws that I tolerate because I know no man is perfect.
I got to Nigeria and was posted to my husband's state, he wanted to get me a house in town where I can stay he even paid for it and I was asked to go and collect the house keys, but the day I went, the person that was supposed to bring the key didn't show up and the company I was posted to said they won't need my services everyday that I can come once in a week. So my husband said I should go and retrieve the money from the lawer and be going from his family house in the village since my services won't be needed everyday, so it wouldn't be a waste of money that we can use for other things because we are building our own house in the village. I accepted and that was the beginning of my problem.
My mother-in-law won't let me be, to the extent that she said she doesn't like me calling her son baby as I fondly call him. Anything I do is wrong, she even told the son that he pampers me too much and I carry myself up too much even though I have not given him a child yet.
Her last son is up to 30 years old, he doesn't do anything, even my husband has taken him outside the country where he is based to help him stand on his feet but because of his stubbornness and weed smoking, he brought him back.
All he does is cause problems here and there: he pees through the windows of his room. So anytime I want to sweep the compound in the morning, I will be inhaling it and his elder brother's kids do play around there with the sand and we also walk through there so I told my mother-in-law to tell him not to be urinating there, she said she has told him several times but he won't listen.
One day I decided that I won't be sweeping that side he urinates on since he refused to stop, he should be sweeping himself. Then when my mother-in-law noticed that I stopped sweeping that side, she started shouting at me that I want to divide her home. I tried to explain to her that the stench was too much for me but she won't listen to me, instead she started keeping malice with me; if I greet her, she won't respond.
So when my husband came back, because he comes every month since I started staying with them and anytime he is coming home, he will tell me what he wants to eat and I will prepare it for the whole family and mind you, sometimes I give my mother-in-law money from the money my husband gives me for my up keep to buy food stuff or I will buy it myself and keep, cook for everyone to eat.
So because of what happened, when my husband told me what to cook and I cooked in large quantity for everybody, she also went and bought her own food stuff and prepared another soup. Meanwhile, ever since the issue I had with her, she and her children stopped eating whatever food I cooked.
So when my husband came back, I tried to serve him his food but was shocked that my mother-in-law already has brought her own food so I left with the food. So when we went to bed I asked my husband if the soup he ate was the one he requested me to cook for him, he said no, then I asked him why he didn't ask for the soup he requested for, he said he didn't know we made two soups so I had to tell him everything that happened, he said I should not worry that he will take care of the situation. The next day his mum sent someone to call him, even though it was too early and when he returned, he said I should go and apologize to his mum wether she is wrong or right for peace to reign.
So I went and apologized, I told her that I left my own family to be with theirs so she is now my mother, that if I do anything she doesn't like, she should just call my attention, if I have any explanation I will give otherwise I will take precautions.
I take care of this woman more than my own mother, God be my witness, anything she complains that she is lacking, I make sure I get it for her. I didn't know that she started planning to get her son another wife.
After the quarrel, she started pressuring my husband on the phone to take another wife that will bear him children, but he refused telling her that it's only God that gives children that he will wait.
All of a sudden my husband started pressuring me that we should get a girl that will come and give us children, I told him to give me from now till the end of this year, and he refused.
I have finished my service since December but his mum won't let him take me back to our base, she wants him to take another woman with him and leave me here. We have visited the hospital, one of my tubes is blocked and his sperm counts are not that full, all the medications we were given he didn't take .
Now my husband who used to support me and encourage me is now dancing to his mum's every tune. I have prayed and gone to churches, I was told that he is under a spell and he is being remoted in the spirit.
This is someone that never like seeing me in tears. As God may have it, I went for HSG test again and my tubes are okay now, no more blockage and I gave him the good news thinking it will make him change his mind, but he told me that it's not a guarantee that I am okay and will bear him children.
Without my notice, he sent his parents money, and they have gone to pay the lady's bride price. The last time he came back was when I got to know that he has meet the girl.
I didn't know he has accepted to betray me. He bought her clothes and when I asked him who owns the clothes, he said someone gave him to give to someone. Then he bought her a phone too forgetting that my phone is bad and he promised to buy me a phone. I also noticed that he opened a new Facebook account and he didn't add me so I went through the friend list and saw the girl wearing one of those clothes that was when he accepted that he wants to marry the girl.
Now he doesn't want me to go because he wedded me in church and loves me but I can't share my husband with another woman, and his family's influence in our marriage, I can't take anymore because they will continue to meddle.
Lest I forget, the so called girl sent me a message insulting me that someone told her that I have been going to churches with her picture, that I should not face her rather I should face my mother-in-law and her family, that they were the ones that convinced her that she thought I will accept her that I don't have anything upstairs.
Dear mothers, please I need your advice and how to get a divorce in Catholic church as we didn't do court wedding, and my husband is insisting that when he comes back, he will take me and the girl together back to our base.

The wedding certificate you obtained in your Catholic church is a legal document that is acceptable/admissible in any court of justice in Nigeria.
What that means is that your marriage certificate is not an exclusivity of the Catholic church but a legal document which is recognized by the constitution of the federal republic of Nigeria. 
Since you have decided to seek divorce, please consider seeking a legal advice on how best to prepare your documents and file for divorce. 
There is a difference between a spell and a decision. Your husband is not under any spell but he is exploring every other alternative option available to him, because his family may have influenced him not to wait for so long when he can take another lady and try to get her pregnant. 
On your part, it is left for you to decide whether you want to accommodate his decision or to move on with your life. 
One thing that you have absolute control over is your own choices and decisions as a human being. Trying to be a virtuous wife by licking the urine of your brother-in-law and the insults of your mother-in-law won't in any way win their affection if they don't appreciate your personality, and if your husband doesn't have a stand, then you might as well decide where you deserve to stand. 

Best wishes.

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