Wednesday, July 15, 2015

I'm heart broken! What do I do?

Hello Aunty Amara, am confused and I need advice. 
I brought my kid sister who is 14yrs old to stay with me. I went through a lot when I was her age, hawking to put myself through school, now that am married, I brought her to stay with me so she won't experience what I went through cause my parents aren't well to do. I taught my sister everything about life, my experiences, sex education, advices, I gave her what's she needs, treated her like how I'll treat myself. I just found out she has a boyfriend and she has been using my phone to talk to him(she doesn't know I have an automatic phone recorder) this guy in question is her friends brother. 
Am so heart broken, what do I do now? I've done everything I can think of but she still wants to follow the wrong path. She has been seeing him, I don't know how. Cause I monitor all her movement. Please I need advise. Am so pained

Dear sender,
As a teenager who is observing some changes in her body and hormones, she would be curious to explore, to experience "the true love" which her boyfriend has promised her that you are not giving to her.
This is not time to be heart broken or lose hope, it's a process of human development, one that comes with a lot of body,emotions and hormonal changes.
I know you may have educated her in so many ways and you are giving her your possible best so that she wouldn't experience what you did at her age.
Instead of the teachings and instructions that you have been giving her as a big sister and elder to her, it's time for you to come down to her level of understanding and extract some vital information from her so as to enable you help her overcome her curiosity.
This may possibly be the best moment to drive the sex education home and let her know the functions of what and the consequences of any decisions she take.
Try to "gist" with her, please minimise scolding as that would scare her away from you.
Ask her to tell you more about her boyfriend, what they do together, what he promised her and why she feels he loves her soo much that she can't wait to live with him.
Do not hint her on how you found out.
That would be your personal strategy to track her down and to also know more about the said boy.
If she can tell you the truth, then you have a great privilege to win her heart to God.
With her response, you would then ask her what her vision and plans are for life.
As she answers the questions then you may cheap in when she hopes to get married or when he's coming to pay her bride prize, I guess she would scream and laugh, in all this, you are using the friendship approach to drive in some reality facts into her mindset.
Do not rush her or make her feel inferior, the truth is most teenagers feel like they are wiser than you and can conquer the world even before you can think of raising your eyes to see the change (no thanks to hormones)
As she opens up and pour out her heart to you, get some pictures of teenage pregnancy and some of the horrible experiences some of them had to go through and ask for her opinions on that.
This time you aren't just doing the talking but you are allowing her bring out the points with herself.
If possible do this at the comfort of you and her alone so that she would be free to open up to you.
From the phone recordings you could track the lapses in time and know when or how he manages to go meet with him.
Remind her that if she decides to be seeing the boy, you would be left with no option but to visit the family so that they will come and marry her.
That you cannot house the wife of another boy in your house.
That if she feels she is old enough to get married, then you will pack her things and return her to herr parents so that the boy could come and marry her.
Then on your part, try to do some investigation to know who the boy is and who her friend is so that you can add two and two together.
Be patient enough to draw her close to you and help her overcome this phase.
Do not beat her or make her feel inferior, that may push her farther away from you.
Get educational movies that will make her think, get her books and give her the time to finish the book and take her to programs that are designed for teenagers so that she will learn from other members in her category.
In all, pray for her and pray with herher,always encourage her in your own way.
See her not as a kid sister but a close friend who need sister love and support to overcome this phase of her journey.
The experience and wisdom you get from helping your sister become a lady of purpose and virtue would be of great help when your daughter gets to that stage of her life.
Do not give up on her, all hope is not lost yet ,and with love, patience and prayers I believe that she would be a great lady in life.


  1. You have options. 1, you can go talk to the parents of the boy about it. 2, you can relocate your kid sister to other city but who knows if she will engage in such act with another guy. The best is to talk to her put fear in her maybe she will change. #Ella

    1. how can your advice be to put fear in her. like seriously what kind of adult are you

  2. Nice advice, aunty Amara. Kudos!


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