Wednesday, September 2, 2015

I Don't Trust Him Again.

Greetings..l have been following you on recommendations from a friend who have been blessed and encouraged by you
I want your counsel on this matter bothering me
I have been dating a guy l met online for a year, though we attended same secondary school some years ago, but left early to school abroad, so we met again online and started dating.
On his FB page you will think he is a pastor due to his inspirational post. When we got talking about ourselves, he told me he had two lovely daughters which l confirmed with a white lady but divorce was on..
He didn't tell me reasons for divorce and I didn't bother because l saw it as intrusion. Well we went on dating and before we knew, we engaged in phone sex. I must confess that out of ten calls,  eight will be for sex, though in me l was not comfortable with it, didn't want to let go because l had fallen deep in love with him.
I hardly get through to him on phone except he calls me, his excuses was that his phone was permanently on silent. He never addressed me with sweet names publicly, but when l do, he mentions my name, so l became worried and tried to chat him through a friend's Facebook account.
Added him and he confirmed.. Got chatting with him through my friend's account unknown to him. I asked if he was in a relationship and he said NO, he was asking personal questions before l bursted the whole drama by revealing myself because l was shocked he could deny he wasn't in a relationship and was getting personal with me thinking l was another Lady.
He apologised and l forgave him, along the line, l asked him where was this relationship taking us to and he said distance is an issue and that he was still praying about it. Then l decided that while praying we should desist from all sexual activities and l then deactivated my Facebook account to stay off from social media and make peace with God.
During the stay off, a friend of ours who was also close to me..we went on outings together revealed to me that the guy was also dating her, as a matter of fact the guy visited Nigeria and came to see her while he was still dating me.
I got broken with that revelation.. This guy dated two friends online, visited one of them. So l asked him, he apologised, saying that he loved me genuinely and that his feeling for my friend couldn't let go.
Truth is l don't trust him again, l want to delete him from my account. He sends message to me every morning, that's our only communication.
Facebook reports his activities liking and commenting sweet on female's wall, has a lot of female friends on Facebook as well.
Deep in me l feel this guy is not real and l just can't trust that he's not having it with other ladies inspite of his series of apologies to me.
He does that so we don't become enemies but his attitude towards relationship is what l cannot trust. Now l don't know why he divorce with the white lady.
Please what is your advice and how l do address it. I love him but l feel he doesn't take me serious...
He has nothing to lose, he has two beautiful daughters and ladies clad around him...
I will appreciate your response.
Thank you Amara.

The most motivational and the most motivated are not Pastors and priests but players. They know all the best quotes that will encourage your heart and inspire your soul. 
They will be there to support you and express their care and concern to your challenges so do not be deceived by their updates on facebook or other social media, it doesn't mean that they're what they preach. 
To be candid with you, you chose what you received because you were dating a married man and for whatsoever reasons that was best known to you, you saw all the clues but wanted to gamble with your emotions over him. 
You gave him your heart while he was busy with his family and other ladies, you engaged in all manner of things all because you felt that he was with you but you knew so well that his divorce was neither completed nor could you tell of his identity.
You don't need to ask so many questions about his attitudes or attributes towards you because if he's married to another lady whether she's white or black, whether a Nigerian or an American, I believe that she deserve to enjoy her husband and her home and not to be abused or treated as though she has no emotions as a lady. 
Let's learn not to defend the attitude of some men who for their selfish reasons engage an innocent lady with marriage only for them to start chatting with you on how they wish to divorce her and remarry later. 
If he's married either by law or by religion, then we should encourage him to remain focused on his marriage and commit himself to his wife irrespective of what you feel or think of him. 
So my sincere counsel will be for you to bid him goodbye and allow him to focus on his marriage and his lovely children. 
When he has divorced his wife and he has come down to your father's house to ask for your hands in marriage, then you may seek for counsel on what to do. 
A player like him shouldn't even be tolerated close to your life because they can give you so much impression and inspiration that you will borrow money to prepare for wedding only to be disappointed with some strange news on that very day of event. 
Observing his activities and the chains of ladies praying for him is unnecessary considering that he's in the ministry of encouraging single ladies. 
God will favour you with the husband of your own in due course, please do not lose hope nor be discouraged by what you experienced in the past. 
All the best dear. 

Please do well to share your thoughts with me. 
Thank you for your comments on the blog. 


  1. Girl,are u for real?This is why some naughty guys say that girls have fish brain.wa

  2. Dear,I have a question for you: IS IT RIGHT TO MARRY A MAD MAN BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM? Love does make marriages work. It is important,and necessary,but on it's own,it cannot sustain a relationship. You need Wisdom first. Then,every other thing can follow.


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  3. An unfaithful man is not fit yet to be any woman's husband. He is still a boy,and should be LEFT ALONE so he can grow up. And,if he refuses to grow up,then,to hell with him - he should be avoided especially, whenever it comes to marriage. A bad marriage,is NEVER an accident. Please,am begging us: AVOID IT.... I REPEAT: AVOID IT!


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  4. I just can't understand why you would even allow yourself to be lied to this much.
    Listen, forget about him and move on

  5. I just can't understand why you would even allow yourself to be lied to this much.
    Listen, forget about him and move on

  6. The bible said that once a man is married, if he puts away his wife and takes another woman, both of them are committing adultery. Rather both of them should remain unmarried.


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