Wednesday, November 18, 2015

He Stares Lustfully at Me!

Good day aunty Amara... Thanks so much for being a blessing. I have something bothering me and need your advice.
I am not good at bottling up feelings in my heart and I always tell people when they hurt me or do something wrong even if not to me to someone else.
I've been home for a year living with my dad while undergoing a postgraduate programme and since I've been living with him we haven't really been getting along for many reasons.
The issue now is that since I got back home I noticed that my dad looks for every opportunity to stare at my backside or at my breasts. He's been doing it all year and it has become so bad that I always fold my arms across my chest when around him because he keeps staring at my breast when talking to me.
I reported to my sister last week after my dad called me while I was in a towel on my way to have my bath and just kept staring at my breasts without saying anything meaningful.
I felt very embarrassed and ashamed and when I told her she brushed it off that he was spoiled by his parents as a child and that he did it to her before she got married and I should ignore him. I once suspected him of sleeping with his niece who I am older than and who was visiting because I kept catching them together alone and she tried sneaking out of my room at night while I pretended to be asleep but immediately asked her where she was going and insisted at dawn that she go back to her mother's house.
My dad refused until I told him I knew what was going on and if he refused I would call his sister and tell her what I know. I didn't tell him exactly what it was but he sent her away that day. I have politely and indirectly told him in recent times that I don't like it when he stares at me.
This morning, he sent me on an errand and while on my way I turned and caught him staring at my behind. I felt very ashamed. When I returned home, I summoned courage and told my dad it is morally wrong for him to continually stare at me in a lustful way, looking at my bumbum around the house or calling me unnecessarily to stare at my breasts and that if he continued I will report him to his pastor because it is a sin and I find it utterly embarrassing and shameful.
Was it wrong for me to say that to him? I don't dress provocatively either within or outside the house and his actions in recent times have made me so withdrawn I keep to my room all day. Was I wrong and how do I make him stop?

One verse in the Bible came alive while I read your mail and that is 1 Corinthians 8 vs 13 and I quote " Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble.

The devil is trying to plant a seed of discord between you and your father and yes it's pretty pathetic and a bit annoying for him to be staring at you as though you are owing him some favour. 

The first thing you must do is protect yourself from any form of rape or sexual assault and the second thing you must do is to look for somewhere else to stay while you attend your postgraduate studies to enable you have a good conscience towards your father and at least some form of respect for him. 
Though his attitude maybe offensive, please do not forget that he's still your father and unto God you should accord him the respect and courtesy that he deserves. 

Confronting him may not have been the best approach though nobody will blame you for taking the step that you did but then again you could have addressed the issue by either discussing with his relative or someone that he will be honest and open to. 

Secondly while I may not have better understanding of the personality of your father, it may be possible that your father may not necessarily be staring at your body perhaps in the manner that you thought he was and this could possibly be a perception as a result of his past or what you deduced from your cousin. 

But because one cannot ascertain exactly the state of mind of your dad, kindly dress decently and think of looking for an apartment to rent so that you will not be exposing yourself to unnecessary emotional torture or lustful desire for your body. 

Finally, please forgive your father for his attitude and please do not expose his weaknesses to the world or the church because they may not manage this kind of information with the maturity and wisdom that it requires. 

Pray for him and keep yourself from anything that will make him fall prey to your body to the extent that he stares without any limit or regards for your emotions. 


  1. Pheeeew!....This one is strong oooh...
    Well..the most important thing now is that you've suceeded in letting him know that you're on alert to his antics...I think it's a good way of discouraging him should he want to attempt something nasty...
    If you have nowhere else to stay, simply put up with him but you must be on alert always...Always lock your room at night and limit your movement around the house whenever he's around..
    Don't won't'll soon leave that house

  2. But Aunty amara, what if she conceals it from the world, she leaves the house and he invites other ladies,or he keeps doing it with her niece(if at all he ever did) or other little girls around, then it blows off, what then will become of her conceals? It would be that she never did anything when she found out. For me, I think she should talk to her dad's parents if they are still alive(aleast her sister mentioned that they spoilt him) or someone she's sure he respects and listens to, and table the matter now before it blows off to be too big that he might end up in jail. Its a very sensitive yet grave matter.



  4. She need not to get another apartment. She should go back to her daddy,sit him down and ask him why such act in a most polite way. If your mum is no more and he want a woman to be with him. Get another woman as a wife for him. He might not have any bad intention. He is your dad and you need to pray for him always and advice him when necessary so that he will not make a mistake. Don't be scared,I assure you that he will never make any attempt to rape you or have advantage of you. He is your father.


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