Thursday, December 31, 2015

My Wish to be Married is not Forthcoming!

Hello aunty Amara
I think I now have the courage to write you after reading and being blessed with all your advice. I pray for more wisdom for you. I really have a lot to talk about but I will rather narrow it so as to prevent long write up.
I clocked 24 years this month and waiting for NYSC. I have been in this relationship with this guy for almost four years now and I have been wearing his ring for almost two years now but I really want this relationship moved to the next level. There was a time I cheated on him because I wasn't sure the relationship will lead to marriage even after a pastor has told me he was the better option,all because my folks hate people from his town and I thought they won't accept him coupled with the fact that I have recorded him beating me thrice since we have started dating.
But all my cheat doesn't work out so eventually I confessed to him and he forgave me(as he said). He just got employed last two months and there is this lady in his office that am not comfortable with. He saved her number with the name he can't save mine with(but still said he was not dating her).
He just got to meet my folks some weeks ago and he said the lady in question was the one that encouraged him cos I have been telling him to meet them for a long time but he has been refusing. it has been my wish from my teen age to get married between the age of 22-25 but it not forth coming with all his attitude. This got me thinking a lot. Please what do you think I can do. Thanks in anticipation.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a wish. That's the beauty of life and dreams, we all have the privilege to have a wishlists of what we desire to accomplish in our journey but we do know that our wishes will never materialise if God is not part of the wish no matter how we strive to fix it or make it happen, we will never succeed in achieving our desires. 
But I think that you should learn to be responsible for your decisions and learn to own a relationship and be focused in one relationship instead of dangling from one partner to another. It's actually a negative signal for a lady who desires to be appreciated and respected by the man who desires to get married to her. 
From all you wrote it's clear that you don't even know what you want in a man or a relationship and even when you claimed that a pastor considered him a better option and he has proposed marriage to you, you still found reasons to betray his trust and confidence in you and sleep around in the name of looking for who to marry before 25 years of age. 
And now the problem is his colleague at the office and I guess you want to fight her if given the opportunity to do so. 
Please as we enter into a new year, kindly deflate the desperation tyres and give yourself to skills and virtues that will bring out the best in you. Think of enrolling for programs that will enhance your employability and also make you owner of a company. 
Think of vocational programmes that you are passionate about and social services that will be helpful for the society. Work on creating value and meeting the needs of many even if you have to begin within your vicinity. 
Surrender your wish to God's promises for your life and forget about your birthday and age, I assure you that marriage will come knocking on you and then you will have opportunity to examine who you want to marry and make a decision not because you are running out of time but because you are convinced that such an individual will complement you spiritually, emotionally, physically and psychologically in all aspects of your life. 
Marriage is never a destination, it's a programme that demands so much from you so if you are not equipped and prepared for your roles and responsibilities as his wife, mother, companion and confidant, you may regret getting married in life. 

1 comment:

  1. Dear poster...
    If you feel he's taking too long and you're not confident about your future with him, I'll suggest you officially terminate the engagement by returning his ring before exploring other options..
    It's so irresponsible to cheat around knowing fully well that you have a standing agreement with another man..
    You must stand to define what you want..
    Don't let desperation lead you into messing around all in the name of searching for a husband at all cost...
    In the other hand....I'm not comfortable with the fact that a man who hasn't married you has already beaten you three times at this early stage wey love suppose dey shack una head...
    You must not let this pass...
    It calls for abject scrutiny and deliberation...
    A journey of a thousand miles begins with a step...
    Akwobeghi beans akwo, moi moi a n'esi...
    Na so e dey start..
    Don't neglect these signs


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