Thursday, January 28, 2016

Caught Him Having Sex!

Dear aunt Amara, I'm in Accra-Ghana, I really need your help on my issue.
I'm at a crossroads now, I don't know who to turn to or what to even do. They say when you find true love, your heart is always at peace but mine is at war. What I'm battling with is really terrible, like a movie or nightmare.
I've loved before oo but I never fell so deep like I fell for this guy. When I met "D", he turned out to be everything I ever wanted. He was caring, loving, romantic, fun to be with and very handsome by all standards. Sometimes I asked myself why he loved me so much and the answers don't come. He usually told me he saw his wife and the rest of his in me.
He's been married before, with a baby boy and this time with me was supposed to be his second time. He caught his ex - wife in bed with another man and even had pictures to confirm that.
Just when I thought I found the love of my life, I had a shock, the most heartbreaking one.
I just got engaged to "D" the most caring man I ever met, our wedding was scheduled for next month. But I swear I curse the day I said yes to him. I noticed something about him long in our courtship that he was cheating but he's always careful and clean at it that I accused myself of being over protective or curios of some sort.
I came home one afternoon from work to give him a "quicky" and caught him and another man having sex, really nasty, they were doing all the things you can imagine and was very much into it when I caught them. I was so mad, shocked and really disappointed. The worst part was that he confessed I gave him all the pleasure and satisfaction when we make love but he's been gay for so long and never imagined it could hurt me that much.
I've decided to call off the wedding and I don't know what to tell my family and friends because I can't gather courage and tell anyone. I'm visiting my uncle soon to tell him to send the engagement stuffs back to my husband to be's family and I'll have to tell him the whole truth so no one can blame me. My man has done everything possible to apologise though but I'm still lost. I asked him to confess to my dad and uncle and he said its too hard to do.
Aunt Amara, truth be told, i still love "D" but I can't seem to forgive him. I feel so hurt, if he had to cheat, must it be with a man?
I'm two months pregnant and I'm so sad I can't carry this baby with all the pain I'm feeling. I need your and listeners advise like real bad cos I can't even sleep. Please help me, what do I do? I can't sleep.

You have started on a positive note by calling off the wedding. As painful, repugnant and uncultured as gay or bisexuality may sound, some individuals feel that it's their sexual orientation and for reasons best known to them, they can't change their mindset to that. 
Your fiancĂ© is a bisexual individual which means that he can comfortably have sex with males and females. 
My suggestion is as concise and simple, do not marry a man whose sexual orientation is different from yours. Prayers alone doesn't change such individuals because their master is already the devil and their ideologies are already corrupt and depraved. 
Help yourself and save yourself from a miserable marriage all in the name of love. 
There are some things you cannot cope with and living with a man who shares his body with both males and females is one of them. 
Keep your baby because his identity is innocent of the attitude of his father. Take care of yourself and register for antenatal care so that you can get the medical support that your baby needs for safe delivery. 
You chose to have sex with him and you did that because you love him, you cannot terminate your own baby because his father was cheating on you. 
Forgive him and move on, apologies to marry you doesn't mean that he won't have the desire to sleep with men anymore so be guided. 
He's bisexual and you are not so bid him goodbye and trust God for your own husband.


  1. Do not let the feeling of sexual pleasure becloud your assessment of this man. He has a very bad sexual habit which only him can change...not even God can help him if he is not willing. I bet you, you dont want to marry a gay. Thank your God for revealing this to you on time. You see why it is good to avoid sex before marriage. As for the pregnancy, keep it and send the child to him and move on. I wish our ladies can remove sex from relationships.

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. And I wish our men can stop asking for sex and say NO even when the lady offers to give.

  2. @ igwedaniel- this is one of the best comment I have seen coming from a man. If only people can abstain from sex till marriage, girls won't be disturbing amara for their relationship problems

  3. It is an unfortunate discovery. My align myself with Amara and urge you to find the strength and courage to move on.

  4. What does her having sex before marriage got to do with him being gay. Agreed being pregnant complicated the whole thing, but they could have abstained got married before she finds out he was gay so what would you say in that case.
    My dear just have your baby and move on might be the only child God has given you.

  5. God bless u aunty amara u 've said all already my dear forget dat guy n move all unless he determined to change God can then come into him.D guy is a bastard gay.


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