Thursday, February 18, 2016

I Feel so Useless!

Good afternoon ma!
God bless you abundantly for the good works you're doing. More grease to your elbow. Please I need you advise on an issue that's eating deep into my soul.
I'm 22. My relationship with my mom is a very terrible one. I'm so scared of her,I can't even have a normal conversion with her because of the fear she has infused in me.
Right from when I could tell my right from my left,she never saw anything good in me. Each time I tried to come close to her that fear wouldn't allow me. Nothing I do is ever appreciated. When I make a mistake, it's always curses upon curses. I can't take a decision of my own because I'm scared of what she'd say. I can't do things on my own because of fear;fear of something I can't even express in words.
Ninety-nine percent of what I know today as a person I had learnt on my own from reading books,articles,from friends. Sometimes I watch the way my friends associate with their mums and I just keep wishing mine was different.
I don't keep friends because mum is against it,I don't go out because mum is against. I can be indoors for a year and nobody will ever know I'm around. I can't associate with my cousins either because she sees them as bad people. I let go and forget every single curse and harsh words she used on me in the past but right now I don't know if those curses are having influence in my life because at this point in my life I feel so useless.
My spirit is shattered,my soul is broken. I feel like I shouldn't have been created because right now the only thing she tells me is that she'll utter just a word and I'd suffer and regret in life. Please advice me because right now I feel like I'm not worth existing.
Sorry for the long write up. Hope to hear from you soon. Thank you and God bless.

I feel your pains and the difficulties in trying to relate with the only woman who ought to raise you to understand the world of womanhood. It's great that we cherish our parents and see them as role models and cheer leaders but the painful reality of life is that even our parents maybe fighting an uncommon battle which the children have no idea what it could be and even when the evidences may be littered everywhere, they may not be able to intervene or help their parents to overcome the stress. 
It could be as a result of anything, ranging from her upbringing, her childhood experiences, the trauma of the pregnancy and childbirth and the post natal challenges like depression and the likes. 
It maybe as a result of getting married to the wrong person for the wrong reasons, it maybe as a result of of some things that she may be finding difficult to overcome and has indirectly transferred the aggression to her children or another person. 
But one thing that you must have in mind is that though she may not be so nice and loving as other mothers are, she had a good intentions for your life and for the fact that she didn't terminate you while in her womb is enough reason for you to respect and appreciate her irrespective of her flaws. 
Granted that her attitude is at best very very harmful to your self esteem, self confidence, personal perception and vision as a lady, you can choose what to believe and what will control your personality. 
You have started on a good note by taking it upon yourself to develop yourself emotionally, spiritually and psychologically. You can continue with this self discovery and development programme by reading motivational books, listening to motivational preachers and listening to gospel songs to revive your spirit and strengthen your heart emotionally. 
Bury your heart and mind in God's word and always remember that you are not an accident on earth and no matter what your mother may vomit to torture you, you have victory in Christ Jesus. 
Whenever you are with her, please do not respond to whatever she says especially if they are hurting and painful, patiently endure them and be calm within your spirit always bearing in mind that because they're not in God's word, they are dead in your life. Respect her, carry out your duties and when you get into your bedroom, get a mirror and remind yourself of who you are in Christ Jesus. A chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a rare breed, beautiful and gorgeous lady, a lady of purpose, multi-talented lady, the apple of God's eyes, the bride of heaven, the mother of great individuals, the wife of a wonderful man and the redeemed daughter of the most high God... The list is endless.. 
Be focused in all your endeavours, though your mother may not have treated you like her daughter, God has not left you without comfort and support which was why he lead you to me for counselling. 
You do not need to lose your sight on where God is taking you to because of what you are going through in the hands of your mother. The real truth is that your mother needs help and prayers and her weaknesses and challenges has made her vulnerable to those around her and I believe that God would have placed you in her life so that you can pray for her and let her know through your attitude that God is taking you where no man can ever take you to. 
Please let what you devote your heart, ears, eyes, mouth and nose to be that which is positive and always keep your heart focused on this portion of the scriptures 
" Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
"Philippians 4:8-9 ESV
And do not relent in praying for your mother, there are some challenges that you may never know that she's battling with but you can pray for her and allow the Holy spirit to perfect all that concerns you in all your endeavours. 

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