Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Should I Propose to Her?

Good evening ma,I so much appreciate your effort to touching people's lives positively through this page. I have enjoined my girl to like the page and be impacted positively like me. 
I am a graduate, working class and in my early 30s, met this girl early this year, an undergraduate, studying Banking and Finance, now in her early 20s. Pretty, beautiful, intelligent, smart, very loving, and I can confidently attest to her strong fidelity.we so much love ourselves, ever ready to marry each other. She is just waiting earnestly for my proposal. 

But I have few problems that have been holding me from proposing to her. Firstly, she is presently living with her uncle who is taking care of her academics. The brother has paid her school fees to 200level. But now in her third year, her brother is now incapacitated to pay her school fees. 
That has made her to drop one year now. I was furious and worried, before she could inform me of the development, it was already late to pay the fee of which I was ready to do then. I promised her to take up the responsibility,though we have not gotten married yet.

But what worries me about her is her failure to do something to help herself. She so much lean on her relatives for everything in her life. All my advice and effort to make her self reliant and enterprising proved abortive. Though she is not demanding but I try my best to supporting her financially and morally. This her attitude annoys me a lot. I have sisters and other relatives that need my supports but all of them were all trained to be self reliant.

Second thing about her is that though she is loving but she hardly care for me. Should I say she's stingy? Yes, she is. We have stayed together getting to a year now, but she has never on her own, used her money to buy at least a N5 biscuit for me. 
She could come to my house, eat whatever she wants but can never get anything for me on her own. 

Though she has good character, she lacks grounded ideas on domestic or house chores. A times, my sister will clean my house, wondering why the person I want to marry could visit me, see my house scattered and will still leave it that way she met it.
I so much believed in God, I have sat her down taken time to sensitise her, teaching her all I desire from her and what the word of God wants her to be but they all fell on deaf ears. Why I am not so much bothered is that I am a man of prayer. I know that God must give me a good wife because I serve Him sincerely.

Aunty Amy, I really love this girl just as she loves me but am afraid to propose to her with all these attitudes. I see her as someone who is not seeing the kind of future and home am planning to build with her.

I need advice ma on what to do. Should I go ahead to propose? Is there any other thing I need to tell her? Kindly help me please. Thanks.

Every individual has his or her own peculiarities and attributes which depends on how they were raised, where they were exposed to, what they learnt as individuals and their personal convictions about issues of life. 
You cannot find your sister in the lady that you desire to spend your life with nor can you find a perfect lady who has all that you desire in a wife. 

You would need to invest your time, patience and understanding to help her become the kind of wife you desire in her or make provision to accommodate her shortcomings and weaknesses as a lady. 
This is what makes the difference between one lady and another. 

Now that you have seen this lady with her flaws, will you be patient enough to help her grow in wisdom and understanding of what her roles and responsibilities as a wife and mother? 
Do you have the grace to help her begin small business and see how well she may fare in it? 
Do you have an idea of what her challenges are in school apart from her inability to pay her school fees? 

Take your time to discuss with her, all you listed where your impression of her personality, do well to find out more about her identity and her vision in life. 
Listen more to her and find out more about what her plans for her future may be. 
Not everyone has the capacity to multitask, so she may not have been doing as much as you desire because she was simply not capable of doing such. 
When you make her feel like she has a lot of flaws and weaknesses, she may not be encouraged to change her attitude and become a better lady. 

Your approach matters much more than your desire to seeing her improve on her weaknesses. 
If at the end of the day, you are convinced that she would not be a suitable help for your ministry and vision in life, please do not keep her around you, do let her know and encourage her in any way you can. 

Marriage is a lifetime commitment and it will be to your own peril to get married to a partner out of pity or sheer confidence that you can handle it when you know within your spirit that you may not cope with such a person. 

Take your time to call upon God and allow him to guide your footsteps in your choice of partner. 
In all marry a lady who understands your vision and will help you find happiness and fulfilment in life and also support you in all areas of your life. 

Rejoinders are greatly appreciated. 
Thank you so kindly for your comments on the blog. 


  1. Your post Sir made a whole lot of sense but there are things you should take the way you see them and try giving correction or your opinion on such. The issue of she being stingy I don't believe should bother you because if she is what I picture her to be, then she might still be a novice in this sort of intimate-like relationship, so I'm guessing it's something she will learn with time. When it comes to she seeing your room untidy and not arranging it, Sir you're older than I am and I can never leave my room untidy not to talk of when my girlfriend is about to visit. I make sure I keep everywhere clean whether I'm expecting a visitor or not. So maybe you should first of all work on yourself and learn to keep your space clean as always because even if in our country many men see it as the responsibility of their girlfriend to come arrange their house, but for goodness sake she is not your wife, she is just a girl whom you've not even proposed to if we're to begin with one. The truth is that I myself won't like it if my sister who isn't married go ahead to be dressing someone's room when the person is not handicapped all because she has a boyfriend. So Sir, check yourself first and don't forget that the girl in question is still so young and have her academics to deal with. God bless you as you take things easy with that little undergraduate.

  2. I find it difficult to correlate these two statements from you: "We have stayed together getting to a year now" and "Why I am not so much bothered is that I am a man of prayer. I know that God must give me a good wife because I serve Him sincerely". When God give you the good wife, where will the girl you've stayed with for a year now be? My brother, if you believe in the God you've been praying to, disassociate yourself from every illicit relationship with opposite sex, keep yourself chaste and your mind holy then the Lord will order your steps to a woman whom God will find fit for you. If you can't do that, I wish you what you are working for.

  3. Hmm,.....Oga,what do you even think you are doing? If you want to follow God,also follow His rules concerning Romantic Relationships,and some of them are:
    1. This Boyfriend/Girlfriend thing is ungodly,and an invention of foolishness. It is a perversion of God's design for relationships,and will rob you of the best(Surprised? Read the book,'WAITING AND DATING: A SENSIBLE GUIDE TO FULFILLING LOVE RELATIONSHIPS', by Myles Munroe. It will give you the full details on the ORIGINAL DESIGN for Romantic Relationships).

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  4. Please,hear this:

    'I so much believed in God, I have sat her down taken time to sensitise her, teaching her all I desire from her and what the word of God wants her to be but they all fell on deaf ears. Why I am not so much bothered is that I am a man of prayer. I know that God must give me a good wife because I serve Him sincerely'

    You obviously have your relationship philosophy upside down. If you want God's kind of marriage,then stop violating His instructions on how to get it -
    1. If you want to advise her,advise her for her own good,and not because you want yo marry her. You even went as far as telling her what you want from her? A lady you have not proposed to,and is not even sure of marrying? Abeg,wetin you dey smoke? E be like say I go like taste am. Hahahahahaha
    2. If you think being a prayer warrior,and sincere serviceman will give you a great marriage,you better wake up(don't mind me abeg: But,honestly,what have you been smoking?). Is it that you haven't seen prayer warriors that are monsters in their home,or faithful people that married very bad spouses? Prayer and sincere service - are they all God said there is to having a blissful marriage? Nna m,biko,go and learn. Go and find out what God has said concerning having a blissful marriage......

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  5. RULE 2: Romantic Relationships are STRICTLY for the purpose of marriage.
    RULE 3: Romantic Relationships are STRICTLY for people who are READY FOR MARRIAGE. Are you?

    I will humbly suggest that for now,you RE-DEFINE the relationship,and make it non-romantic,and take the girl as your younger sister,and GROOM/CULTIVATE HER accordingly. Whatever assistance you want to render to her,must also be on that platform/premise. God never gives us finished products; He gives us,RAW MATERIALS to mold that awesome wife we have in our head as men. Until you are COMFORTABLE with what you have observed in this non-romantic stage,please,don't upgrade the relationship. And,if she refuses to respond to 'treatment',please,forget about marrying her. Don't worry about your investments in her - it's a seed for your marital success. When you prove yourself faithful in cultivating the women God sends into your life,and surrounds you with and bringing out the best in them, A GOOD WIFE AND AN AWESOME MARRIAGE BECOMES AUTOMATIC!

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    1. Understanding The Purpose and Power of Men,by Myles Munroe
    2. Understanding The Purpose and Power of Love and Marriage,by Myles Munroe
    3. Are You A Man?,by Olumide Emmanuel
    4. The New Rules of Love,by Olumide Emmanuel
    5. Common Sense for Singles,by Olumide Emmanuel
    6. Don't Marry Her If, by Mildred Okonkwo
    7. The Perfect Spouse for Me,by Kingsley Okonkwo
    8. Who Should I Marry?,by Kingsley Okonkwo
    9. When Am I Ready?,by Kingsley Okonkwo

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    The New


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