Thursday, October 1, 2015

How Do I Boost My Self Esteem?

Good morning Ma, you're really a blessing to our generation! I seriously need help ASAP. How do I boost my self esteem? I used to be one pretty,curvy and smart girl. With lots of dreams! 
Ever since I had a bitter experience,where I was taunted,abused and mocked,I lost it all. I hardly come out of my room and hardly walk on the road all alone,because I think I hear people make fun of me. 
My academics suffered too. When I go on interviews and they see my result,they get shocked how I can rub minds but have a poor result stare back at me with an ironic smile. 
I make mistake or fumble when someone is standing close and expecting a result from me especially in cooking. 
But when there's no one around, I do extremely well. I didn't mention I'm 29,but look 20,24 or thereabout. I've got great skills and talents! I've got a great voice too!! 
My male friends love to listen to me,but I feel less a being. I'm scared to go on dates because I feel they'll change their minds as soon as they see me. I've equally made grave mistakes trying to be accepted and be loved. 
Now,I'm in a relationship and I'm so scared,I resigned my fate to 'whatever.' To him,I'm tough. But I'm not. He's the outgoing type and he's already complaining about my room hideout. 
When we hangout,I keep urging him to hurry up and take me home. And that.. It's beginning to irritate him. I need to start believing in myself again and help others too. 
I believe I'm not the only one going through this. A lot of dreams have been murdered due to low self esteem. Our kids too in school needs to be guarded in order not to fall victim of this dreamkiller. 
I'd really appreciate your help ma. God bless you as you keep up the good work.

At a point in your mail, I felt that you were presenting a lecture on low self esteem and how to overcome it but I had to keep in mind that you called it a challenge. 
I love children a lot and one of the reasons is because they owe nobody an apology for living. 
When they are hungry, they will grab the breast of their mother without minding whether the pastor is preaching to his mum or she's in the presence of the world leaders. 
He wouldn't rest until the nipple is in his mouth. 
When he wants to scratch his buttocks, he doesn't care if anyone is observing or not but will scratch it and even pull his pants. 
That's what I call confidence, living your life without an apology for who you are and self esteem is loving who you are irrespective of the opinions and perceptions of others. 
The worst thing that will ever happen to anyone isn't death but living in the public eyes or living to please others. 
It's worse than a prison because you have no freedom of your own identity and appreciation. 
My question is for how long will you continue living in the space of your fellow individuals? 
Why have you set men as your standards and honour them as your status? 
What made you think that your result was not good enough for your purpose in life and why have you allowed competition to erode your individuality and uniqueness? 
No matter what I may tell you to do, the decision is entirely yours to make because until you choose to live, you will continue to wallow in self pity and low self esteem. 
Always remember that until you let your life affect the life of others, you are merely wasting the treasures and gifts God has invested in you. 
These few tips may help you.. 

  • Believe in God's Word and Promises for your Life.
If their words and opinions are not in God's word for your life and destiny, they are simply false and are sincerely powerless to your destiny. 
Nobody else knows you much more than God who made you and created you in his own image and likeness so his word and promises should always be your standard, anything else is substandard. 

  • Confess God's Word and Promises to your life. 
The most powerful weapon in your body is our tongue. Most times we confess negatively to our destiny and end up regretting why things aren't working the way we wished for. 
If you don't believe it, never you confess it nor should you meditate on it because the moment it possesses your mind, it will definitely affect your life. 
  • Believe in You. 
Today mass and social media has given us a fake image of who many should look like and emulate before they can be accepted by others. 
Painfully many people are competing to fit into the image of a successful, gorgeous, beautiful, romantic, well groomed, well dressed and what have you. 
The painful truth is that no matter how much you compete to fit into such image, it will never make you comfortable or complete with yourself so why the stress? 
If you don't believe in yourself, nobody will appreciate your personality nor commit himself to you. 
No matter how you look or what you have been through, if you are defeated in your heart, you are totally defeated in life. 
Be you and let the world use you as their model and not otherwise. 

  • Improve on You 
Instead of striving to be miss this or madam that, strive to be a better you because only a better you is best for your purpose in life. 
Work on understanding yourself, knowing your passion and getting hold of yourself no matter who is around or the circumstances that maybe challenging you. 
Study God's word and read books that lift your spirit and unleashes your inner strength and passion. 

  • Master the Art of Communication. 
Low self esteem most times is associated with the fear of communicating with yourself and expressing yourself to others. 
Always remember that people wouldn't dig out your personality if you cannot express yourself or your thoughts without feeling intimidated or shy about your personality. 
Talk slowly and maintain a good eye contact whenever you are discussing with others. 
Having a low grade or not isn't the main challenge, the real challenge is on how you present yourself and how you expressed yourself to others. 

  • Be Fearful for Nothing! 
Being afraid will never make you have a high self esteem no matter how perfect you are in your area of expertise. 
Sometimes we loose precious opportunities for the fear of the unknown which in most cases are non existent. 
Fear will ridicule your identity and reduce your values and virtues in the presence of others. 
While many are praying and searching for a lady with your attributes, fear has made your room more comfortable than your world. 

  • Leave Your Comfort Zone 
Nobody builds his esteem living in his comfort zone but we build our esteem as we are challenged, tested, tried and examined by the turbulence and challenges of life. 
Our esteem is built upon overcoming each phase of our life and assignments. 
Our esteem is built on living outside the comfort zone and not in dwelling in the fear of whatever or fear of making mistakes or living in the public eyes. 

Please do not destroy your relationship because you feel inadequate or inferior or because you feel that what your ex did is the same thing your partner will do. 
Now is the best time to show off your talents and skills and live out your passion. 
And don't forget,if they don't appreciate or accept you for who you are, then please shut them out of your life. 

1 comment:

  1. I love the fact that you already notice the problem, I would also add that you should learn to be responsible for your actions, make moves and take the responsibility for actions, sont scared of making a move. don't be a babysitter with no child. approach your challenges with courage and prauer. God bless you.


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